Transcript for Mini-Episode: Chuck’s Voicemail for Nichole

[Numbers are pushed on a phone. A dial tone. A click. A voice message.]

Nichole Fonzirelli–Kristen DiMercurio

You’ve reached Nichole Fonzerelli, represented by Alfred Annon’dDante. If you’re looking for a performer with serious range, from aggressively ambitious to softly compassionate, naively hopeful to sarcastically dour, bitingly funny to stupendously sad, I am a consummate professional and I am your gal Friday. I work hard, I like to work often, but I don’t accept jobs that are beneath me. If you have to ask what that means, that’s probably not a good sign. Take a listen to my reel to get a sense of my range of work accepted and skills, and then leave a brief description of your job, location, time commitment, and pay.

My earliest work was as Genovian Girl #4 in Princess Diaries 2

Young Nichole [as Genovian Girl 4]–The Amazing Nora

Thank you for letting us walk in your parade, Princess Mia. We ordered you a surprise pizza. It’s at the door now!

Nichole

I’ve also appeared as Foreshadowing Woman #3 in WHH—Ben Affleck’s real-time biopic about the Presidency of William Henry Harrison.

[Speech in the background. Crowd murmurs. Rain noise. Dignified music]

Nichole [as Foreshadowing Woman 3]

As an orator, he admittedly leaves something to be desired, but you must respect his stamina. If he can speak at such a great length, he will undoubtedly make great strides leading us into a wondrous and lasting era.

Foreshadowing Man–Bob Raymonda

Hmm. Yes. 

Nichole

Most recently, I played Nica Stamatis in Inexplicable Riddles with Dimitri Stamatis, and Inexplicable Riddles—the Hunt for Dimitri.

Dimitri Stamatis—James Johnston

I’m Dimitri Stamatis. And I’m the man who found DB Cooper.

Nichole [as Fake Nica]

And I’m Nica Stamatis, Dimitri’s big sister. Together, we plan to travel the world in an attempt to solve other great mysteries. We hope — 

Dimitri

Naaaaaaaaaaggh? Noooooo. No.

Nichole

As an update, I’m also a journalist now! So that’s new. To be honest, it’s been kinda fun. So if you have any newsy jobs, feel free to hit myself or Alfred up on that as well. Peace!

[Voicemail beep.]

Chuck Octagon–Jeff Van Dreason

Nichole Fonzerelli, this is Chuck Octagon, editor of the Underground, and since you’ve accepted my offered assignment, I am now your official supervisor. Or one of them, at least. Tate probably doesn’t count. 

I appreciate both your use of adjectives, as well as your candor in delivering your insecurities. I will attempt to, quote, “open up” and deliver some of my own. While our career paths have been divergent until recently, there are certainly similarities, and I too share your concern about how hard this work is. It should not be this difficult. It should not be this heartbreaking at times. It simply shouldn’t be this way. But it is. And while I respect the fact that even the opportunities that present themselves to you at strangely convenient times may present new obstacles and challenges, I’ve discovered that the best way to tackle the next news story is just follow your nose and go where the wind blows you.

Speaking of… blowing. Uhh. Nichole, a word about marijunana. Noun; otherwise known as cannabis or “the devil’s lettuce,” especially as smoked or consumed as a psychoactive, mind-altering drug. Now while it’s true that the weed, pot, smack, etc.—is legal in Massachusetts, it’s not exactly professionally acceptable to “smoke-up,” so to speak, while leaving a voice message with your colleague or employer. I understand why you did it, but think about the impression you’re giving off to others next time. Your next hard-hitting news supervisor may not be as forgiving. And given the late hour in which you called, I’ll assume you’ll want to take a personal day today. Which I hereby grant. I like to think of myself as an understanding supervisor, Nichole. Should you feel the need to rant about your career frustrations in the future, please try me during normal business hours. Or at least before 9 PM. But not on Thursdays. That’s Top Chef Night for myself and my beloved husband, Andy Wood.

This has been a voicemail from Chuck Octagon. By the way, Nichole. Nice work in the sizzle reel. Princess Diaries 2. Did you meet Anne Hathaway? OOOH, did you meet Chris Pine? He played Captain Kirk once, you know!

[Voicemail beep]

CREDITS

Alexander Danner

Greater Boston…is written and produced by Alexander Danner and Jeff Van Dreason, with additional support from Jordan Higgs, TH Ponders, Bob Raymonda, and Jordan Stillman. This episode was written by Bob Raymonda and Jeff Van Dreason. Recording and technical assistance from Marck Harmon. Dialogue Edited by Bob Raymonda.

This episode featured:

  • Kristen DiMercurio as Nichole Fonzireli (she/her)
  • The Amazing Nora as Jenovian Girl #4
  • TH Ponders as William Henry Harrison
  • Bob Raymonda as Foreshadowing Person #3
  • and Jeff Van Dreason as Chuck Octagon (he/him)

Starlight by Simon Pettersson

Charlie on the MTA performed by Emily Petersen and Dirk Tiede.

Transcripts available at GreaterBostonShow.com

COOKIE

Alexander Danner

This episode was written by Bob Raymonda and Juff Van Dreason…Juff. That’s your name now…Juff Van Dreason. (laughs). This episod– (laughs / giggles). Ahh. Juff. This episode was — (laughs). Oh no! This episode was written by Bob Raymonda and Juff (laughs). Oh no! I can’t say your name anymore! (Laughs). See ya later, Juff!

CONTENT WARNINGS

  • Strong language
  • Recreational (but legal!) use of “the devil’s lettuce”
  • We allowed a character to be named “Uncle Blurp”
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