Transcript for Episode 16: Extinction Event at the Olive Garden

COLD OPEN

VOICE 1
Several years ago, out back of one of the clubs in Boston, I saw a rat that was the size of a small dog.

CHUCK OCTAGON—Jeff Van Dreason
I have definitely seen rats that size.

[Charlie on the MTA begins.]

VOICE 1
Yeah. And it…it was funny because as we were walking out, the lead singer of one of the bands we were watching, like, saw the rat and just freaked out, he’s like “OH MY GOD!”

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Transcript for Episode 15: An Incomplete Tour of New England Spite Homes

COLD OPEN

Female Interview 1

I never liked sleeping by myself when I was a kid, I always insisted of like, staying with my brother or my mom. And my brother hates sleeping with me because he told me I kick too much. And like I take up the whole bed? And like, every time, I swear, in the kitchen? At night time, every time like the waters running? And like someone was washing dishes?

[Charlie on the MTA begins]

And then I used to tell everyone like I think this house is like something wrong with it. And everyone thought I was so crazy and they like, “no, you’re just, you’re imagining it,” because I used to like watching scary movies at night time. But I swear the house was haunted. And nobody’s lived there since us. So.

CHUCK OCTAGONJeff Van Dreason
Nobody’s lived there since?

Female Interview 1
Nope.

Chuck Octagon
Did you ever see a ghost?

Female Interview 1
Umm. No. But I always heard stuff, so I was like, umm. That’s not normal.

Chuck Octagon
What’s making that noise.

Female Interview 1
Yeah. Exactly.

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Transcript for Episode 14: The Watcher Over ThirdSight

COLD OPEN

CHUCK OCTAGON – Jeff Van Dreason
What’s the best thing about Boston?

INTERVIEW 1
The diversity.

INTERVIEW 2
Yeah.

INTERVIEW 3
The education.

MULTIPLE
Yeah.

INTERVIEW 1
Yes, the education.

INTERVIEW 4
I’m trying to think of something.

INTERVIEW 5
I guess the city life.

INTERVIEW X
Housing.

INTERVIEW X
I would say the food.

INTERVIEW X
Housing.

CHUCK
Food’s not a bad answer.

[Laughter]

CHUCK
Nothing else?

INTERVIEW X
Education.

CHUCK
Education?

[Charlie on the MTA begins.]

INTERVIEW X
I feel like…

INTERVIEW X
We got mad Dunkin’ Donuts!

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Transcript for Episode 13: Mayor Linzer-Coolidge and the Lottery

COLD OPEN

Interviewer — Jeff Van Dreason
Is Boston a racist city?

Several Interview Voices
Yes.

Female Interview 1
Depends.

Other Interview Voices (background)
Yes. / Yeah.

Interviewer
Depends on what?

Female Interview 1
Like…it depends on. Like…basically who…who are your neighbors?

Female Interview 2
I say some areas. Because like, if you’re like. See I’m in South Boston. There’s a lot of like white Irish people. And I’d say from the Irish people I know? They’re racist.

Female Interview 3
If you’re white you know you’re kinda, born into being privileged. And when you’re privileged, that comes with more money. And it’s vice…it’s the opposite for black people.

[Charlie on the MTA begins]

Female Interview 4
Because umm, when you’re born into some type of privilege you tend to think that you’re superior to people who are not. So I don’t …I think Boston is racist, but they were born into that, like, method of superiority and all that stuff.

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Transcript: Mini Episode Mallory Sums Up!

[Music: Charlie on the MTA]

MULTIPLE VOICES
This is
This is
This is
Greater Boston

[Music fades out]

[Music: Tosa Waltz]

MALLORY — JOHANNA BODNYK
First off, you gotta know about this fucking guy named Leon, the human equivalent of a grandfather clock. If you came up to me and were like “Mallory, you can take a bet on anything in the world and if you win get one million dollars and if you lose we take all your animals away to a puppy mill, what do you wanna bet on,” I’d probably bet that Leon measured the exact number of bran flakes for every breakfast he ever ate. And he sure as shit ate brain flakes because he was sure to know when his shit was sure to hit, if you know what I mean. If nothing else, that motherfucker was regular.

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Transcript: Mini Episode: How Was Your Commute?

INTRO

[Charlie on the MTA fades in.]

MULTIPLE VOICES
This is
This is
This is
Greater Boston

[Subway noises]

CHUCK OCTAGON–JEFF VAN DREASON
This is Chuck Octagon for News 7 Boston reporting live Boylston St. Station, in Red Line, where commuter service has just been restored in the wake of Red Line’s incorporating referendum which transformed the this once essential segment of Boston’s failing transit system into a bizarre and ill-conceived failing city. I’ll be talking to commuters passing through Red Line on this first day of service about the commuting experience.

Excuse me, ma’am, can I ask you about your commute?

JELENA–TANJA MILOJEVICH
[Sigh] Yes you may.

CHUCK
Uhh…how was it?

JELENA
It was unpleasant.

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Transcript: Mini Episode: Assistant

[Music: Charlie on the MTA]

MULTIPLE VOICES
This is
This is
This is
Greater Boston

[Red Line Doors]

Gemma Linzer-Coolidge – Lydia Anderson
Thanks for coming in, Melissa. Have a seat.

Melissa Weatherby – Tanja Milojevic
Uhh, oh. For some reason I thought I was going to be — interviewing with Ms. Linzer-Coolidge?

Gemma
You are interviewing with Ms. Linzer-Coolidge.

Melissa
Right. The uhh. The other one.

[Indistinct train intercom]

Gemma
The important one.

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