COLD OPEN

INTERVIEW

Why do I think I’m here? [Laughs] Well that’s a really existential question that I don’t think that I was exactly prepared for, but okay. Let’s see, uh. I am…a human person on this Earth. And I think…one of the reasons that I’m here is because I have such great friends.

[Charlie on the MTA begins.]

Like…like not just, like here to make friends, but…I’m…*still*…*here*…because I have such great friends who are always there for me.

Continue reading “Transcript for Episode 30: Prosperity in the Meritocracy” →

COLD OPEN

CHUCK OCTAGON – Jeff Van Dreason
What do you think the value of professional sports in the Boston community is?

INTERVIEW 1

Oh, it’s — ohhhh. (laughs). Ugh. It’s valued very highly. Everyone loves sports in Boston. Ugh. I mean —

CHUCK OCTAGON
Do you?

INTERVIEW 1
No.

[Charlie on the MTA begins to play]

CHUCK OCTAGON (laughs)

INTERVIEW 1

Anytime there’s a game, like, because I take the train a lot, anytime there’s a Red Sox game, or like a hockey game, like …I know, because everyone looks exactly the same. (pause). Yeah.

CHUCK OCTAGON (laughs)
And they’re all acting the same too —

INTERVIEW 1
Yes. Very drunk.

CHUCK OCTAGON
Yeah (laughs).

INTERVIEW 1
Yes.

Continue reading “Transcript for Episode 29: Hit It With A Tiny Mallet” →

COLD OPEN

INTERVIEW
I’m a person who likes to be with other people, but definitely likes my alone time. When I’m with other people, I like to be lively, and fun, and active, and engaged. I like to have a lot of fun, but I like to accomplish things.

[Theme begins.]

And why I’m here on earth? Hm… I think my siblings needed a baby of the family.

PREVIOUSLY ON

JAMES CAPOBIANCO

Previously, in Greater Boston:

FAKE NICA
I’m Dimitri’s big sister, Nica! Together, we solve great mysteries.

ISABELLE
She’s been hit by that stuff. The beans. And they’re hot.

MALLORY
I don’t want to talk about it.

ADA WEST
Dear Daddy, Mommy said that you and she aren’t married anymore. That made me sad, and I cried.

OLIVER WEST
Well. Okay then.

[Sound of Oliver’s escape capsule building up pressure and launching.

Continue reading “Transcript for Episode 28: Exiles & Everyone’s Business” →