Transcript for Episode 33: By Hook or By Crook

COLD OPEN

CHUCK OCTAGON – Jeff Van Dreason
Can you think of a time when you were desperate for a specific piece of information, or had some news you were anxious about hearing?

INTERVIEW 1

Oooh, uhh, when Trump became president. I remember that. I was like…oh, the day before um I was so anxious and I was like, aheh, I don’t think this is going to happen, but you never know, and then like it happened and ….

[Charlie on the MTA begins to play]

CHUCK OCTAGON

Did you wait up to….see the results?

INTERVIEW 1
No, I didn’t. I was so scared. I was like, if I keep – oh my gosh, it was so bad. I was like, if I keep like wrestling and like thinking about this? I’m never going to be able to like…go to bed or anything. So…yeah. I couldn’t. I could not.

 

PREVIOUSLY IN


LYDIA ANDERSON

Previously in Greater Boston.

OLIVER WEST — Mike Linden

Welcome home, Mr. Stamatis.

PHILLIP WEST — Michael Melia
Can I just go to jail now?

GEMMA LINZER-COOLIDGE — Lydia Anderson
Take him away boys.

DIPSHIT POLETTI — James Capobianco
You wanna join the commune?

ISAIAH POWELL — Mario Da Rosa Jr
Well I’m not sure I’m ready to commit to that yet.

MICHAEL TATE — James Oliva
Maybe I could find other people to help through the tubes. Guide others from afar, like Leon guided me.

EMILY BESPINSam Musher
You forget your place again, you may end up without one. Just like so many of my enemies will.  

 

S3 TITLE SEQUENCE

Multiple Voices

Fields Corner
Hyde Park

Want it in character voice or real voice?
East Boston
Alright
Malden
Red Line
Dorchester
Salem
Somerville
West Roxbury
Hanson
Worcester
Malden
This..

Somerville

Revere
…is
Uhh…I’ve lived in Lemonster my whole life
Brighton
Uhh…I live in Milton, Massachusetts
Roslindale
(That’s where I’m from)

East Boston
I’m from Dorchester
This is…

South Boston
This is…
In Brockton

Medford, Massachusetts

[Laughter]
Red Line

Dorchester

This is…

This is…

This is…

Greater Boston

 

THIS WEEK

JEFF VAN DREASON

This week in Greater Boston, Episode 33: By Hook or By Crook

[CHARLIE on the MTA music fades out]

LEGION

[Inspiring piano-corp music]

VOICE 1Jack Pevyhouse

We are…

VOICE 2Tina Daniels

We are…

VOICE 3Christopher Dole

We are…

VOICE 4Cole Burkhardt

Looking for solutions.

VOICE 5Todd Faulkner

Closer than you think.

VOICE 6Alma Roda-Gil

Only a click away.

MULTIPLE VOICES – Including VOICE 1-4, with Fox Cooper and Zane Sexton

We are…

VOICE 7 IRI ALEXANDER

Growing in numbers.

VOICE 4

Changing the future.

VOICE 8Alex Welch

Fueling your future.

MULTIPLE VOICES

We are…

VOICE 5

Directly en route.

VOICE 1

Inside your home.

VOICE 3

At your doorstep.

MULTIPLE VOICES

We are…

VOICE 2

Inside your brain.

VOICE 4

Inside your heart.

VOICE 5

Inside your soul.

MULTIPLE VOICES (staggered)
We are…

VOICE 9Fox Cooper
Legion.

VOICE 8
Legion.

VOICE 5
Legion.

ANNOUNCER — David Rheinstrom

A LEGION headquarters coming soon. To Red Line. All positions applying now.

 

JOKERS AND INSTRUCTIONS

[carnival music plays]

LEON STAMATIS Braden Lamb

So there I was. Back in Wonderland.

At first, I believed this could be beneficial. Mr. Poletti had delivered me back to Oliver, my main adversary. If I was directly re-connected to him, it would be easier to listen to his scheming, which would make it easier to mount counter-measures to thwart his plans.

But then things started to become…complicated.

OLIVERMike Linden (shoving out of the way)

Don’t touch it! Direct physical contact could have adverse effects.

MANAGER Rick Zieff

You’re telling me this silly little ball has – powers?

OLIVER

Difficult to believe, I’m sure, but it’s true. This particular crystal ball contains the spirit of a would-be employee of Third Sight Media, a Mr. Leon Stamatis, whom I convinced to aide my efforts in turning our Red Line predictions into facts, in addition to helping secure the city for us by way of supernatural spying.

LAWYERRick Zieff

Oh, you blackmailed a ghost!

OLIVER

Something to that effect. But one must be careful with all possessed objects, as direct contact could result in a mixture of thoughts and feelings between the natural world and the metaphysical one.

SALES — Rick Zieff

What — kind of mixture, exactly?

ETHAN BESPINJordan Higgs

Perhaps we should find out. Mr. Poletti, hold out your hands, please.

DIPSHIT POLETTIJames Capobianco

Never!

ETHAN

Ohhhh, tsk, tsk. The powerless give muted commands. Cheese robots! His hands. Now.

[Mechanical whirring noises as the robots march over. Poletti struggles].

DIPSHIT

No — no not again!

OLIVER

Again? Of course. You’ve had contact already, which is why you were able to find us. Mr. Stamatis is able to see far and wide. My question is, how did you manage to find this ball in the first place?

DIPSHIT

I’ll tell you. I promise. It’s — it’s quite simple, really. You see, the truth is, I reached — very far. As far as I could. Straight into your rectum. And I pulled it out.

OLIVER

Aheh. Give him the ball.

ETHAN

Cheese robots, place the ball into his hands and secure it there.

DIPSHIT

No no — wait I — (the ball is placed into his hand and Dipshit instantly changes) — So the question was, now where to go? Isabelle might be able to help, but how much?

MANAGER

What is this?

SALES

Look at his face.

LAWYER

It’s like he — it’s like he’s someplace else completely. Is he channeling someone’s thoughts?

OLIVER

Quite possibly. My guess is, it’s Mr. Stamatis himself.

DIPSHIT

He needed to be there for her, commiserate her loss, not demand she do something for a person she didn’t know, a person Isaiah barely knew.

OLIVER

Hmm. Yes, an important note. You didn’t come here alone, did you Mr. Poletti? And whomever had accompanied you will soon be back with help. Now that we’ve secured Red Line, it’s time for us to set up shop there, so to speak. An opportune time to circle the wagons, address our new mayor and begin implementing our plans for Red Line.

MANAGER

This ball. I want to know its full market potential.

OLIVER

I uhh — Hmm, I’m not sure if I —

MANAGER

Bespin. Your priority should be the transit automation, but when you’re not working on that, we want you …on the ball. If we could harness that power — the power to read thoughts and minds of our customers? Of our competition?

OLIVER

Yes, but —

LAWYER

Unlock its secrets.

SALES

And we’ll handsomely compensate you for your hard work.

OLIVER

I really think that we should —

MANAGER

Both of you.

OLIVER

Very well.

MANAGER

We expect regularly submitted progress reports. We’ll be in touch. Gentleman?

[LEGION leaves]

ETHAN

The sky comes for us all eventually. There’s no point in trying to grow wings.

OLIVER
Hmm. It terrifies me that sometimes I begin to understand you.

ETHAN

And yet.

OLIVER

This location is compromised. We have secured Red Line. The choice to leave is obvious.

ETHAN

Grave voices echo vertically down through the dirt.

OLIVER

Whatever is between the two of you? You need to mend it. You both have what you want now!

ETHAN

She has what you want, not what she wants.

OLIVER

Then educate me. What is it she wants.

ETHAN

Still water which refuses to reflect the stubbornly dull stars on a clear night.

OLIVER

Okay. That one got away from me.

ETHAN

Emily wants a moment in time to last forever. And no matter what you offer her, what you give her, you can’t bring that moment back. And neither can I. [Pause]. There’s a space close to Kendall MIT that would be ideal for a lab. I could refashion it. But I need you to give me time to do my work, which means you’ll occasionally need to run interference.

OLIVER

Deal.

ETHAN

From a deck full of jokers and instructions for pinochle.

LEON

And so, Oliver and Ethan packed up the equipment and took several trips to their new lab near the Kendall / MIT stop. And days later, once they were finally done settling into their new headquarters, Oliver received a distressing phone call.

[Cell phone rings]

OLIVER

[Answers}

Ah, Phillip. Allow me to inform you that — what? [Pause]. You’re WHERE?

[Distorted carnival music fades]

 

MUDDY-Y WATERS

[Buzzer Cells opening and closing].

GEMMA LINZER-COOLIDGELydia Anderson

Phil. Great to meet you. I like to get to know the fellas who are dating my friends. Do you know why? I like to weed out the creeps. You know. The type of guy who will stage an attack that temporarily blinds my friend in one eye solely so he can gain her trust to manipulate and spy on her so he can help commit terrorism and rig a city election. The usual type of creeps.

PHILLIP WESTMichael Melia (imitating Harry Mudd)

Oh, it’s a typical police mentality. They’ve got no sense of humor, they arrested me!

GEMMA

We did. And do you know all the crimes we can connect you to?

LOUISA ALVAREZJulia Propp

Give it up, Gemma. He’s too smart for us. He’s not going to talk. He’s a mastermind. Besides, what we get out of his uncle will be much more valuable.

GEMMA

Good point. And I get the feeling ole’Uncle Ollie will be far more willing to sell Phil the Pill up the river.

LOUISA

I say we crack that nut instead of wasting our time …here in the… mudd.

PHIL (laughs)

Now listen, Louisa. You may be a wonderful police officer, but, believe me, you couldn’t sell fake patents to your mother.

LOUISA

I’m not a police officer. I’m a private investigator. And we get it, you’re a Star Trek character. Congratulations, you’re still in jail. Or excuse me, “the brig.”

[Footsteps, door closes]

GEMMA

I’m telling you he looks so goddamn familiar and I don’t know why. You sure you never showed me a picture?

LOUISA

Not that I remember.

GEMMA

Did you have any hanging up at your house?

LOUISA

We dated for like a couple months, we’re not the goddamn Waltons.

GEMMA

Well I don’t know! It’s freaking me out!

LOUISA

Let’s talk to the chess board bozo.

 

GEMMA

You think he knows anything?

LOUISA

Not sure, but the more we know the more leverage we have.

[Walking down echoey hallway, buzzer, opening large door]

[Blackberry Rag plays]

MARLOMike Linden

Finally, been sitting’ here for eternity. Will one of you tell me what I’m doing rotting in this cell? What, fellas get locked up for playing a little chess now? I barely played, mostly just waited for someone to play, that’s all. Just waiting for someone to play and deliver a message. Heck, I don’t even know how to play. I was just there on a job. Odd jobs keep the bread buttered, that’s what my old man used to tell me. He was a handyman, used to do all sorts of work in his spare time. And me? Well, I’m retired now, but I used to own a few print and copy shops. I say used to but I still own them, I just don’t do much work there anymore. Oh, I mean, I stop in from time to time, see how they’re running, like to keep everyone on their toes, I run a tight ship. I mean I don’t really run it anymore, because like I said I’m retired. But —  the ship is mine. And, well, umm, they know I run a good enough ship that they like to run it. Uh-huh. Tight. And I used to run a tight enough ship that the ship is still tight so when I swing by and take a look at how tight the ship is it turns out it’s still pretty tight —

GEMMA

SHUT UP.

LOUISA

The guy who hired you. What can you tell us about him?

GEMMA

And try to keep your answers limited to half an epic tome rather than the entire volume.

MARLO

Uhh. His name is Phil.  

LOUISA

Why did you take this job?

MARLO

Well, work is work, you know. And it was harmless, wasn’t it? Oh! Oh no, was I passing on secrets? I’m not involved in any spy stuff, am I? Was it one of those oppressive countries using me? Because if so I’m just a patsy. I mean I’m just a patsy either way. You know, that word doesn’t sound so good for a word that’s supposed to describe someone who’s innocent. Patsy. Bleh. It has a bad sound to it, don’t you think?

GEMMA

Sure does. How did he know to contact you in the first place?

MARLO

Said someone I’ve worked with in the past recommended me. Could be anyone of course because they all know I’m solid. Yep. That’s me. Solid and dependable. Tight ship. There’s Walter from the papers, there’s Chicken the line cook, there’s Donnie down the block, I make deliveries to the pound for him sometimes. Yeah, there’s Juanita who pays me to get her groceries, course that’s not really a job and she tries to give me gas money but I don’t take it. Oh speaking of groceries, there’s the truck guy, yeah, puttin’ food in a tube, there’s Libby from the dump, there’s Javier from the car lot —

LOUISA

Did — did you say tube?

LEON STAMATIS Braden Lamb

Yes. Put it together.

MARLO

Yeah. The guy without a truck. He really likes Bertha. That’s the name of my truck, although he don’t like that it’s named Bertha. But he likes her just fine, likes her too much in fact. Not that I blame him because she’s s a Ford Super Duty, but I also got a Ford Taurus and —

GEMMA

The tube. Tell her about the tube.

MARLO

Uhh, well he puts food in it.

LEON

Yes. For Michael!

GEMMA

Tuna subs?

MARLO

What?

LEON

No!

GEMMA

Tuna subs. Is it Tuna Subs that he puts in the tube?

MARLO

Well I never saw what was in there, to be honest. I suppose it could be tuna. And sub rolls and whatever else you may need to make a tuna sub.

GEMMA

Celery?

MARLO

Well, come to think of it, yeah, there was a celery stalk poking out of at least one grocery bag, yeah.

LEON

No, no, this isn’t for the publisher!

LOUISA

Where was this tube?

MARLO

Some parking lot a little outside of the city. I figured it was a bank. You know some of those banks have some of those tubes?

GEMMA (to Louisa)

Third Sight has a tube in the parking lot. It’s the publisher. He’s still there, getting his tuna tubes right on cue.

LEON

No, it’s for Michael! He needs your help!

LOUISA

Who hired you for these jobs again?

MARLO

Just some guy that loves trucks.

LOUISA

Who hired him?

MARLO

No idea.

LOUISA

And someone you work with recommend you to Phil.

MARLO

Far as I understand it.

[Pause]

GEMMA

Excuse us a minute.

MARLO

Hey, how long are you gonna leave a fella in— [door slams]

[Footsteps]

LOUISA

Do you really think he’s just hanging out upstairs still?

GEMMA

The Newton Police checked the place out and came up with nothing. But I never knew where the guy was and I worked there for decades.

LOUISA

Is it possible he wasn’t in the building? Those tubes with the Klingon notes were all over the city.

GEMMA

I don’t think the—what are you doing here?

NICA STAMATIS Kelly McCabe

I’m — I’m shutting you guys down.

GEMMA

Get out of here!

NICA

I’ve been told to act as Phil’s representative and to ensure nobody speak to him until he’s had a chance to talk to his lawyer.

GEMMA

Uh-huh. And who asked you to do that?

NICA

Who do you think?

GEMMA

Well let me remind you that you’re not a lawyer and you can remind Emily Bedpan that she’s not the mayor yet.

LOUISA

Okay, okay. Take it easy. Deep breaths. Nica, have you heard anything on your end?

NICA

There’s a meeting later that seems super shady. Other than that, it’s been quiet. Emily’s been…writing something though. And laughing a lot while doing so.

GEMMA

Well that can’t be good.

LOUISA

Can you try to get into that meeting?

NICA

I’ll do my best. It would help if you guys would cooperate with me here. And if I could throw them a bone about how much useable information you got from Phil.

GEMMA

Whoa, whoa, hold on, all of this is going way too fast.

LOUISA

Gemma…

GEMMA

How much do you really trust her? What makes you think she’s not going to go to them and spill her guts?

NICA

I am. That’s the whole point.

GEMMA

To what end?

NICA

To the end that they trust me and give me enough information to help put them away.

GEMMA

Well excuse me, but we’ve been playing this Boris and Natasha game for months now and all you’ve given us is Bullwinkle.

LOUISA

Come on, that’s not true, she’s given us records, she’s given us information on the robots—

[Farewell to Nigg plays]

GEMMA

It’s not enough! None of it! Bespin wins, dickwad Phil might walk. And I’m just supposed to give up? Just trust you? After what you did? You know my son — my infant son — could have been killed. Right?

NICA

I’m — I’m sorry.

GEMMA

I gotta take a walk.

NICA

She’s right.

LOUISA

No. Come here. (They hug) It’s okay. She’s — she’s upset. For a lot of reasons. She was dealing with some things even before the election. And after? Well… we’re all on edge after. Listen to me. I trust you. I know you’re trying. Okay?

NICA

Okay. Okay.

LOUISA

Let me fill you in on Mr. Phil.

[Farewell to Nigg fades]

CHUCK OCTAGONJeff Van Dreason

Can you think of a time when you were desperate for a specific piece of information or had news you were anxious about hearing?

INTERVIEW 2
Every day of my life. (laughs). Umm. I’m anxious…a lot of the time.

INTERVIEW 3
Uhh, that happens almost every day. I’m really nosy. Especially when my family is talking about things. Like between her and her sisters, I just peak my head in the door and say, ‘oh hey, what’s going on?’ So that’s an everyday thing for me. (laughs).

CHUCK
Okay!

INTERVIEW 4
I don’t wanna specify, but couple years back there was some legal issues going on with my family. And they took about three months to get back with the decision. When they finally did, I was all but a little ball of anxiety and nervousness. It was in our favor, it was in our favor.

CHUCK
That’s good.

INTERVIEW 4
So that relieved the weight. But I wish it hadn’t taken so long to finally inform us that they made the decision.

INTERVIEW 5
Well, getting my GED. Yeah. Finding out what my grades was gonna be. That definitely motivated me, I was definitely anxious to find out.

INTERVIEW 6
Sometimes I — I fear for my own life. Um, I one of those people that gets scared. Like, I would try to look up the news of – to see if there was terrorism in Europe or something before uhh, before we traveled somewhere? Or we’d go to Japan, I’d see like how – like how often they have earthquakes.

INTERVIEW 7
The job I have now, I applied for it when I was still in school. And they’re like, oh we’ll get back to you in two weeks, two weeks was going by and I was like, oh my gosh. Did I get the job back, did I not?

INTERVIEW 8
Yeah. I definitely need information from my colleagues regularly. And don’t always get it when I need it.

INTERVIEW 9
My diretor, and like my boss, is a photographer. And one time he was telling me stories how he traveled to Costa Rica.  He took this really, really great photo, I was like please tell me how you took this photo. He — he just didn’t have the time to tell me at the moment.

INTERVIEW 6
I’m very self aware, I guess umm. In a way it could be healthy for you, because it’s good, it’s a good thing that you’re aware of your surroundings and – and know what place is dangerous and what place isn’t dangerous.

INTERVIEW 9
He left a key detail and I was like. WHAT? What, what, I wanna hear it! I wanna hear it, so I – I pursued him for like three days and he finally told me the part I wanted to know and I was like (clap). Thank you.

 

DISPERSION OVER GENTLE GROUND

[City traffic noise]

LEON STAMATISBraden Lamb

Isaiah read about his aunt’s loss to Emily Bespin on his phone shortly after escaping from Wonderland. He knew she needed him. She needed encouragement. She needed some tea. She needed a hug.

He needed to say he was sorry.

But he also needed to do something else first. Leaving Dipshit behind hadn’t been easy, especially since they were so close to the man who had framed Isaiah and Isaiah had been so close to finally putting his fist in his face. But those robots were…weird. And frightening enough to take Dipshit’s pleas to flea seriously. He swore he would return to rescue Dipshit, but he needed reinforcements. So he set out to find the commune.

It took some time. Dipshit hadn’t given him the address in the note he’d passed at Shawmut, just vaguely referencing a spot in Brookline; a large building, an abandoned school adjacent to a large garden and a modest gallery, across from a Speedway and a CitiBank. After searching the entire day, Isaiah reluctantly retreated to his apartment. The second day went the same way. Isabelle called with an invite to a Star Trek convention on the morning of day 3. Isaiah considered it. He knew it would make her feel better. But he wanted to give himself one more day to find the commune and see if they could help.

ISABELLE POWELLJessica Washington

Help with what?

ISAIAH POWELLMario da Rosa Jr

Don’t worry about it, Aunt Izzy. I’ll see you tonight.

LEON

And finally, in the early evening of Day 3, he found the commune. Completely shuttered, boarded-up and littered with eviction notices like Post-It notes over a busy desk or pictures of children on a family fridge.

ISAIAH

They evicted them all? Already?  

LEON

So the question was, now where? Isabelle might be able to help, but how much? He needed to be there for her, commiserate her loss, not demand she do something for a person she didn’t know, a person Isaiah barely knew. Especially a person named Dipshit. He thought about breaking down the boarded up door to see if he could find of a trace of a commune, but figured it would be a bad look for someone freshly exonerated.

[Thunder / traffic overhead and horns honking]

So once again, he wandered, this time vaguely in the direction home. He walked until his feet hurt and his soles felt worn to the ground, until a thunderstorm broke out, fierce rain forcing him to hide in an underpass, listening to the rhythmic hum of traffic above him, counting the number of angry Masshole horn blasts. He thought about how strange it was to possess such a strong sense of urgency and feel completely directionless at the same time.

And then?

[Pneumatic tube noise / splash]

LEON

Michael? That must mean you’re still okay!

ISAIAH (simultaneously)

Ahh! Wait — is that another one of those tubes? What, are they following me?

LEON

Isaiah opened the tube and read.

ISAIAH / MICHAEL TATE — James Oliva

Dispersion.

Success.

The king approaches his temple.

It furthers one to cross the great water.

Perseverance furthers.

[Ambient music plays]

ISAIAH

What….the…

[Another tube arrives.]
Yeah, sure, why not?  [Opens tube].

ISAIAH / MICHAEL

The gentle.

Success through what is small.

It furthers one to have somewhere to go.

It furthers one to see the great woman.

ISAIAH

Seriously? Who *are* you?

[Another tube. Isaiah opens it.]

(Reads) A friend.

It’s strange. But I know what this means. I’ve been making excuses about seeing her. Because of how I acted last time we were together. I don’t think I was wrong exactly. Not what I was saying, maybe just how I said it.

Time to cross the great water. Approach my temple. See the great woman. Success through what is small.

[Thunder / traffic fades out, Red Line train fades in]

LEON

And so, Isaiah went straight to Isabelle’s Red Line apartment just as she was getting home from the Star Trek convention, all decked out in full Geordi LaForge. He told her everything. About Dipshit. About the commune. About Wonderland. Even about the notes in the tube.

ISAIAH

What do you think they mean?

ISABELLE

What did it mean to you?

ISAIAH

To not give up, but to recognize where you went wrong. Go back to it. Make amends.

ISABELLE

Mmm. It furthers one to cross the great waters.

ISAIAH

It furthers one to have someplace to go.

LEON

Isabelle told Isaiah that Phil, the man who had framed him, had been arrested. Then, they talked. They laughed. They cried. And together, they came up with a plan.

ISABELLE (over phone)

Hi, Charlotte? It’s Isabelle. I don’t know how else to say this so I’m just gonna come right out and say it. Me and Isaiah need your help.

 

ROLLED COINS, WRITTEN TUBES

[Pig’s Feet / Michael’s Theme plays]

MICHAEL TATEJames Oliva

I have no idea if my Klingon note worked, but man did it feel good sending them. So I figure I could do more of the same. Except not exactly in the same fashion, maybe something a little more…organized. The Klingon tubes were sent all at once in a rush, too quickly to figure out which tube lead to which screen. So I play a little game of trial and error. At night, when people aren’t likely to be freaked out by a tube appearing out of nowhere, I fire one off to map where it ends up on the closed-circuit screens.

[Drums mix with Pig’s Feet through Michael’s monologue, some ambient music]

Remarkably, most of the tubes are picked up and thrown out in the span of 48 hours by garbagemen or good samaritans. Some people open them and are promptly disappointed there’s nothing inside. Some people send the tubes back after discovering where they shoot out from, which I appreciate, honestly. I have a lot of tubes in here, but not an infinite supply. Every single person who sends them back gives a delightful, shocked little jump as it shoots out of their hands. It freaks them out, but they can’t believe it works at the same time. Heh.

I map out my results with masking tape and a felt pen. Tube to close-circuit TV screen. And then I wait. And watch. Not a lot happens. Most people just pass by. These locations are odd, the type of places you usually avoid. Dark alleys sandwiched between buildings, corners with dumpsters and rats. Some are bus spots, some underpasses.

Speaking of underpasses. There’s this kid sitting under one, getting shelter from the rain, cats and dogs. He looks…he looks a little hopeless, a little lost.

And…wait. I know him. He’s the kid who was here with Dipshit. He’s the kid who was here with Dipshit…

I realize …this is it. This is the moment. This is why I mapped all these tubes out. But I don’t know what to say to him. I don’t know how to help him. How can I help him if I don’t know what’s wrong?

[Thunder blasts]

Thunder…thunder over thunder.

When I was near my lowest, I played the I-Ching. I thought it was Leon giving me advice, and in some ways, maybe it was. But whatever it was, it gave me hope and direction. Maybe it can do the same for this kid. Maybe it’ll help. It’s worth a shot, isn’t it?

[Pig’s feet / other music ends, rain and thunder continues]

I roll my coins. Write my notes. Fire my tubes. The kid’s clearly confused. I write down the explanation of his judgements. But then he’s — gone? Maybe it worked? Maybe it freaked him out? Who knows. Hopefully he’s okay.

I get a snack but — man, there hasn’t been a grocery delivery in a while. Nothing to eat but some celery.

[Crunchy bite. Michael chewing]

Better than nothing, I guess. I dunno. I’m sure there will be more food coming soon.

 

FACE TIME

[Red Line train pulls into a station. Red Line doors]

CHARLOTTE LINZER-COOLIDGESummer Unsinn

Hi there. Is she busy? Who am I kidding, of course she is. Still, I wonder if —

NICA STAMATISKelly McCabe

You!

CHARLOTTE

Yes, me, I know I’m unannounced. But — but honestly, I’m a bit surprised she hasn’t — well, that none of you reached out to me? There’s some transitionary work I’d really like to discuss and —

NICA

I don’t think that’s a good idea.

CHARLOTTE

Look, I know there’s no love loss between our two camps, but there’s an entire city at stake, and I simply want to make sure that —

NICA

Mrs. Bespin is about to entertain some very important …businessmen. She simply doesn’t have the time at the moment, I’m sorry.

CHARLOTTE

Of course she doesn’t. Is there anything I can tell you, then? While I’m waiting for the next stop?

NICA

No. I think we’ll just need to figure it out as we go.

CHARLOTTE

Of course you will.

NICA

I — I will say…I — I watched you, once. At Park Street. In person.

CHARLOTTE

Watched me?

NICA

I mean, ugh, I’m sorry. I saw what you did. I saw you save that college kid. Lift him over the tracks. I was there. I was — well. I guess you could say I was…inspired.

CHARLOTTE

Great. I inspired you to work for Emily.

NICA

Not exactly, no.

[Charlotte’s phone rings]

CHARLOTTE

Excuse me, it’s someone who might actually give a damn. (Answers phone). Isabelle? Of course, how can I help?

[Red Line train arrives. Door sound and Emily steps on]

EMILY BESPINSam Musher

What the hell is this has-been doing here, Nica?

CHARLOTTE

Leaving.

EMILY

Tell me, Charlotte. Did you participate in Powell’s futile little boycott?

CHARLOTTE

I didn’t, but I wish I had.

EMILY

As do I.

CHARLOTTE (exiting)

Good luck, Nica!

NICA

I’m sorry, she came unannounced. Said she wanted to talk to you about the transition.

EMILY

Ugh. As if we need her help. Is everyone ready?

NICA

Uhh, everyone….is in the next car.

EMILY

Have they been properly refreshed?

NICA

I …believe so.

EMILY

Well. How does my hair look.

NICA

Uhh. Properly…refreshed?

EMILY

Don’t be smart, Nica. You’re addressing your new mayor. Mmm, I’m going to give myself a once over in the powder room over before I join. Check on them and make sure they’re comfortable.

NICA

Of course, Emily.

[NICA enters the next car]

NICA

She’s going to be furious when she finds out Ethan’s not here.

OLIVER WEST Mike Linden

Not as furious as I am that you’re here. What exactly do you think you’re doing, Nica?

NICA

Continuing our work, no thanks to you.

OLIVER

Last I heard, you were getting a severe case of cold feet. Philip told me you were attempting to disarm  —

NICA

Your moronic molasses bomb that scalded a poor woman and hurt a dozen others? Yeah, I was. You’re welcome for that. Except, whoops, never mind, your nincompoop nephew went through with your plan, even after you lied and said it’d been called off. That was too far, Oliver, and you know it.

OLIVER

Regrettable, no doubt. And after it happened I —

NICA

Ran away rather than face the consequences?

OLIVER

Managed from afar is how I’d put it. Now, if you please. What news do you have of Philip?

NICA

They got him on fingerprints – for the molasses bomb, for the framing of Isaiah Powell, all of it. He’s not talking and didn’t give up any information anyway, but they also brought in an accomplice who was talking about being hired for another job possibly related to Phil. Something about food in tubes?

OLIVER

What? That’s ridiculous and doesn’t sound connected to Philip or myself in the slightest.

NICA

Well the RLPD made a connection with your favorite meal and how you prefer to have it delivered.

OLIVER

Tuna subs? Ahh, yes. Gemma Linzer-Coolidge works there now, yes?

NICA

I don’t know any of their names.

OLIVER

She was a subordinate of mine, once upon a time. But I haven’t the foggiest about Phil being involved with food or tubes. And even if he was, what’s the crime?

NICA

It sounds like it’s the only lead they have.

OLIVER

Lead? To what?

 

NICA

To you. They’re trying to get information out of him connected to you.

OLIVER

I see. Well, we won’t give him the chance. Philip’s lawyer will have arrived by now. He’ll sit quiet until his trial, where I’m sure Emily can use her freshly instituted mayoral powers to ensure he’s acquitted of all charges.

[Emily enters the car]

OLIVER

Ah, Emily. We were just discussing you. I’m hoping you’d be willing to use your influence to ensure Phillip’s delivery into innocence?

EMILY

Where’s Ethan?

OLIVER

Ah, yes. Well — uhh. (Pause). Nica, could you excuse us for a minute? This is a sensitive matter.

EMILY

She can stay and you can tell me where my husband is.

OLIVER

There are some things better discussed privately. Between…upper management. Don’t you think?

NICA

It’s fine, Emily. The sooner I go, the sooner you’ll learn what you need to know.

[Nica steps into the other car. Takes a moment. Presses the intercom button to listen into other room].

OLIVER (through intercom)

— and it’s very important he continue his work, so he’s setting up his new lab near the Kendall / MIT Train station.

EMILY

I need him here with me.

OLIVER

And he needs to complete his work in order for all the moving parts of our plan to successfully come together.

EMILY

Constantly? He needs to constantly work at that blasted lab?

OLIVER

I know this isn’t ideal, but I promise you he’ll come for you soon. Once his work is complete, our plan will be finished! You two can celebrate! But you also need to keep in mind that our mutual benefactors are putting him under a lot of pressure.

EMILY

I demand that he come and see me immediately. And I demand that you relay that information to him.

OLIVER

Emily. I recognize someone who is so caught up in their work they neglect their family obligations. And I recognize the damage that can cause. Let me propose this. We needed to leave Wonderland because we had an intruder. A former colleague of mine, a Mr…Poletti. He was spying on us, undoubtedly to aide our enemies. And now he’s currently with Ethan, so what I propose is —

EMILY

Ethan isn’t some prison guard.

OLIVER

No, of course not, and if you’ll let me finish? I’ll go relieve Ethan of his current obligations and send him to you before the night is over. As long as we’re clear about our plans regarding Philip, yes?

EMILY

That depends, doesn’t it? The clock is ticking and my sweet Little Debbie Zebra Cake boo-boo bear Ethan is nowhere in sight.

OLIVER

Mmm. One last thing. Be wary of trusting Nica. She may seem loyal but —

[Nica’s cell phone buzzes, she lets go of the button]

NICA

Shit. (Answers) Hello?

LOUISA

Hey, it’s Louisa. Just checking in if you’ve heard anything.

NICA

I gotta be fast and quiet. Oliver was holed up at Wonderland with Bespin’s husband. They had a lab there but —

LOUISA

We’re, we’re there, following up on another lead we got from the Powell’s. It’s all cleared out.

NICA

Because they knew the location was compromised, but Ethan’s setting up a new shop near Kendall. And he has a prisoner.

LOUISA

Let me guess. Dipshit Poletti?

NICA

Bingo. And there’s something else, but — [Train car door opens and NICA quickly hangs up] Have a wonderful afternoon, Mr. West.

OLIVER

I’m watching you, Nica Stamatis. We all are.

[Red Line door, Oliver steps outside. Emily comes on the intercom].

 

THE EVICTION PROCLAMATION

EMILY

Citizens of Red Line, in a manner of hours I’ll officially become your new mayor, and I thank you for being sensible enough to place your trust in me.

As you know, I promised a new Red Line, one filled with order and laws which are actually enforced. Living here, you should have certain expectations. You should come home and find your husband waiting for you. Or your wife, I suppose. Not some stranger. Not some dirty rando trying to get to their dirty rando job.

Some people disagreed with us, but we showed them, didn’t we? Yes, those people disagreed with us so much that they resorted to terrorist tactics to try and send us a message, locking up doors and driving Red Line into chaos. But we didn’t listen. We put our faith in democracy. And democracy has showed them all.

And now we’re going to show them something else. We’re going to show them the door.

[Tam Lin Set plays]

My first duty as mayor will be the pass the following proclamation.

Anyone who participated in the Red Line boycott is in violation of their Red Line rail-home contract. Anyone who followed Isabelle Powell and resorted to economic terrorism and locked people out of their commute-ity rail homes are nothing but law breaking criminals. This contract violation will not be tolerated. The offending parties have fifteen days to find new residences. They’re all being evicted. No exceptions, no excuses.

NICA

Oh, no.

EMILY

I’m sure you’re as excited about these plans as I am.

No more criminals, no more bad guys, no more pathetic parasites clinging to our success. We’re putting law abiding Red Line citizens first. Welcome…to your new Red Line!

 

CREDITS
Greater Boston is written and produced by Alexander Danner and Jeff Van Dreason, with recording and technical assistance from Marck Harmon.

Hey, do you dig our show? Great! Please consider leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts, or one of the other podcast apps. Or write it in the sand. Right it in a paper airplane and shoot it at the moon. Write it down on paper, stuff it in a bottle and throw it in the ocean. Is that considered pollution? If it is, don’t do that. Unless it’s a really great review.

Huge thank you to supporters Bridge and Rasmus! You to can support us on Patreon at  GreaterBoston.Patreon.com!

This episode featured:
Braden Lamb as Leon Stamatis
Mike Linden as Oliver West and Marlo
Jordan Higgs as Ethan Bespin
Rick Zieff as Manager, Sales, and Lawyer
James Capobianco as Dipshit Poletti
Lydia Anderson as Gemma Linzer-Colidge
Michael Melia as Phillip West
Julia Propp as Louisa Alvarez
Kelly McCabe as Nica Stamatis
Mario Da Rosa Jr as Isaiah Powell
Jessica Washington as Isabelle Powell
James Oliva as Michael Tate
Summer Unsinn as Charlotte Linzer-Coolidge
And Sam Musher as Emily Bespin

Also Featuring:
David Rheinstrom as the Legion Announcer

And

Iri Alexander
Cole Burkhardt
Fox Cooper
Tina Daniels
Christopher Dole
Todd Faulkner
Jack Pevyhouse
Alma Roda-Gil
Zane Sexton
Alex Welch

as LEGION.

So many wonderful friends with wonderful audio dramas included here, like Forrest Guide, Arden, Uncanny County, Jim Robbie and the Wanderers, Radio Drama Revival, and more. (sigh). Isn’t audio fiction the best?

Charlie on the MTA by Emily Peterson and Dirk Tiede. Blackberry Rag, Farewell to Nigg, and Tam Lin set by Adrienne Howard, Emily Petersen, and Dirk Tiede.

Drums by Jim Johanson.

Transcripts available at  GreaterBostonShow.com

COOKIE

MIKE LINDEN (as GUY)
So there I was, back in Wonderland — oh, wrong character.

[Laughter from Jordan Higgs]

JEFF VAN DREASON (as MARLO)

Hey, what am I doing here back in Wonderland?

MIKE LINDEN (as Marlo)
Ah, there I was, right back in Wonderland.

JORDAN HIGGS
Right back in your phone.

(laughter)

JEFF VAN DREASON
Still Dipshit Poletti.

JAMES CAPOBIANCO and later MIKE LINDEN (singing)
Still Dipshit after all these years….I’M….

[Jeff Van Dreason and Jordan Higgs laughing]

JAMES CAPOBIANCO (singing)
…still Dipshit….

KELLY MCCABE
I was cracking up thinking about the squirrel that whole time. I’m so sorry!

[Loud laughter]

Content Warnings

  • Kidnapping
  • Forced Accidental Hypnosis
  • Capitalism
  • Political Anxiety and Political Unease
  • Incarceration and police interrogation
  • Excessive Marlo Monologuing
  • Expressions of hunger / lack of food
  • Threat of mass eviction

 

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Episode 33: By Hook or By Crook

Greater Boston is written and produced by Alexander Danner and Jeff Van Dreason, with recording and technical assistance from Marck Harmon.

Do you dig our show? Great! Please consider leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts, or one of the other podcast apps. Or write it in the sand. Right it in a paper airplane and shoot it at the moon. Write it down on paper, stuff it in a bottle and throw it in the ocean. Is that considered pollution? If it is, don’t do that. Unless it’s a really great review.

Thank you to supporters Bridge and Rasmus! You to can support us on Patreon at GreaterBoston.Patreon.com!

Continue reading “Episode 33: By Hook or By Crook”

Transcript for Episode 32: To Seek Out New Life and New Civilizations

COLD OPEN

CHUCK OCTAGON

Why do you think you’re here on this earth?

INTERVIEW
I don’t know. I feel like I was set out to make a difference. I love helping people who are telling stories. I love hearing perspectives of the people so I can have a like a good relationship with them. Like, I just like hearing conversations about people’s life and how they live it. Like, how I can compare myself to a like completely different lifestyle that’s…I’ve never known before. So it’s just really fascinating learning about how other people live their life differently than I do.

Continue reading “Transcript for Episode 32: To Seek Out New Life and New Civilizations”

Episode 32: To Seek Out New Life and New Civilizations

Greater Boston is written and produced by Alexander Danner and Jeff Van Dreason, with recording and technical assistance from Marck Harmon.
You can follow Greater Boston on Twitter @InGreaterBoston or on Tumblr at GreaterBlogston.tumblr.com. Follow us there for news, updates, and behind the scenes chat about the show!
Thank you to supporters Bridge and Rasmus! You to can support us on Patreon at GreaterBoston.Patreon.com!
This episode featured:
Braden Lamb as Leon Stamatis
Jessica Washington as Isabelle Powell
Summer Unsinn as Charlotte Linzer Coolidge
Mario da Rosa as Isaiah Powell
Jeff Van Dreason as Chuck Octagon
Marck Harmon as Andy Wood
Arun Sannuti as Tyrell Fredericks
Lydia Anderson as Gemma Linzer-Coolidge
Julia Propp as Louisa Alvarez
Michael Melia as Philip West
Mike Linden as Marlo, Guy, and Wendell
Johanna Bodnyk as Mallory
James Johnston as Dimitri Stamatis
Julia Morizawa as Omi Ogawa
With appearances by Colin Kelly as Andorian Cos-Player and Sean Kelly of the delightful comedy podcast Improvised Star Trek as the convention representative.
And featuring special guest Tim Russ of Star Trek Voyager as himself.
Charlie on the MTA by Emily Peterson and Dirk Tiede
Greater Boston Trek theme by Eli McIlveen
Transcripts available at GreaterBostonShow.com
Content Notes
  • Strong Language
  • Reference to “Bury Your Gays” trope
  • Reference to that episode of Voyager where Paris and Janeway are transformed into lizards and then have lizard sex resulting in lizard babies, what the hell was even up with that?
  • Discussion of systemic racism
  • Singing, briefly in Klingon
  • Police arrest
  • Brief crossing of personal boundaries

Transcript for Mini Episode: Seriously, What’s the F***ing Deal with the Guinea Pigs? Part 3

JEFF VAN DREASON

Hey everyone! In just a few days after the release of this episode, we’ll be appearing at PodCon 2 in Seattle, from January 18th to 20th. And we’ll have a creator table there as well, so come on by and say hello! We’ll have t-shirts and posters and other merch, including some exclusive items we’ll only be selling at PodCon. And guess what? Two weeks from today, we’re back from our hiatus with our next full-length season 3 episode. Episode 32: To Seek Out New Life and New Civilizations. Beam up on January 29th, and be ready for some surprises, including a brand new cast member we’re super excited about.

[Drums & Guinea pigs]

This week in Greater Boston: Seriously, What’s the Fucking Deal with the Guinea Pigs? Part 3.

OLIVER

So there we were, Norbert and I. One-time arsonists, on the brink of greater criminal endeavors.

LEON

You’ve left something out, haven’t you?

OLIVER

I quickly became adept at picking locks, while Norbert studied the techniques for defeating electronic security systems.

LEON

You left all of your father’s belongings in the house to burn.

OLIVER

Breaking and entering became our vocation.

LEON

But his guinea pig cages and feeders and paraphernalia are still sitting in your old hideout.

Continue reading “Transcript for Mini Episode: Seriously, What’s the F***ing Deal with the Guinea Pigs? Part 3”

Mini Episode: Seriously, What’s the F***ing Deal with the Guinea Pigs? Part 3

Content warnings at end of show notes.

We hope you’re enjoying Greater Boston as much as we enjoy making it. With the new Year coming, we hope you will consider helping us to keep making Greater Boston, by contributing to our Patreon, if you’re able. These funds help us to pay our amazing actors and musicians, to upgrade our equipment, and to keep the show sustainable. Even as little as $1 a month is a tremendous help. And in exchange, you can get great rewards, like early access to every episode, Discord voice chats with the creators, and even a monthly tour of one of the stops in Red Line. And if you can’t donate, you can still help us out, but telling a friend about Greater Boston!

Continue reading “Mini Episode: Seriously, What’s the F***ing Deal with the Guinea Pigs? Part 3”

Transcript for Mini Episode: Seriously, What’s the F***ing Deal with the Guinea Pigs, Part 2

JEFF VAN DREASON

Hey, everyone! Just a reminder that in just two weeks, Alexander and I will be appearing at PodCon 2 in Seattle, from January 18th to the 20th, and we’ll have a creator table there as well. So come on by and say hello! We’ll have t-shirts, posters, and other merch there as well, including some exclusive items we’ll only be selling at PodCon.

[Drums and Guinea Pigs]

This week in Greater Boston: Seriously, What’s the Fucking Deal with the Guinea Pigs? Part 2

OLIVER

Now, where was I?

Continue reading “Transcript for Mini Episode: Seriously, What’s the F***ing Deal with the Guinea Pigs, Part 2”