INDIEGOGO OPENING

 

[“Aud Lane Syng” plays on guitar.]

ALEXANDER DANNER
We’re so thrilled to present to you Episode 39.2: “Good Morning Greater Boston, Part 2”. We’re releasing this episode because we reached a certain milestone in our Indiegogo campaign, which is running from now until the end of March. Thank you so much to everyone who has donated, shared, contributed—the campaign is going very well and we’re so touched by all your support. We still have a ways to go, so if you’re looking for more perks and milestones, like a crossover with Forgive Me—or maybe even more shows if we get to stretch goals—please check out the campaign at GreaterBostonShow.com/Donate.

 

COLD OPEN

Interviewer

How do you think life in Boston will change in the next two years, if you had to make a prediction?

Interview 1

To be honest? [Laughs.] Around here, I feel that it’s going to start losing certain cultures and race, um, around here. Because I’m seeing that there’s a lot of, like, especially of people of color are being more pushed out of the city of Boston. 

 

Interviewer

Yeah. 

 

Interview 1

So I feel that the city of Boston is going to lose that part of the culture that they have, because, um, as I said, you start to see they’re being pushed out more to other parts of the state. 

 

Interviewer

What’s pushing them? 

 

Interview 1 

[Sighs.] A few things is new buildings, especially housing buildings, and this increase in prices—

 

Interviewer

Yeah. 

 

[“Charlie on the MBTA” begins to play.] 

 

Interview 1

—for it, so, like, rent, or just buying a house, it’s a lot more expensive than what it used to be, so, um, it’s kind of, like, hurting them, so that now they have to find somewhere else where it’s cheaper, probably somewhere else where they’re not familiar with. And so they get to lose, also, a part of them, which is living in Boston and having that culture. 

 

Summer Unsin
Previously, in Greater Boston:

 

Isabelle Powell 

What’s your plan, here, exactly? 

 

Isaiah Powell 

I’m gonna team up with Gemma, couple others. We’ll operate out of their rail-home. 

 

Philip

Oh, and, you’re under arrest. 

 

Nica

What? 

 

Philip

You know, the right to not talk, and all that jazz. 

 

Narrator

Oh, you thought this would be so easy, didn’t you? 

Gemma

But when I looked into that ball, I could see myself clearly again. And I know who has it now, and I’m going to get it back. 

 

TITLES

 

Multiple voices

 

[Overlapping voices saying the names of various Greater Boston locations.]

 

 This is…

 

 This is…

 

 This is…

 

 Greater Boston.

 

PLANETARY PATTERNS

 

[Radio Static. Blips of songs picked up. Red Line trains racing along, too.]

Cheese Robots—Jordan Higgs

April 14th, 10:02 AM: Review line status. Note points of infrastructure degradation.

 

April 14th, 10:04 AM: Schedule maintenance to tracks between Central Square Station and Kendall/MIT Station.

 

April 14th, 10:05 AM: Recall Michael, our oldest friend, unemployed, living in our apartment, desperately combing through job ads…

 

[Michael’s theme briefly plays—trying to cut through the static.]

 

Leon—Braden Lamb

No.

 

Cheese Robots

April 14th, 10:05 AM: Nope.

 

[Sound cuts out. After a beat, the radio static and trains kick back in.]

 

April 14th, 10:06 AM: Recall that we do not occupy apartments or have friends. We are robots. 

 

April 14th, 10:07 AM: Narration. New Subject: Thomas Thomas, aka Tinker in Taunton.

 

Leon

In Taunton, Thomas arrives at Compass Storage to visit his orrery. He lifts up the door and pauses a moment in awe of his beautiful device, as he does every time.

 

[Storage unit door opens—machinery of orrery is used.]

 

Narrator—Alexander Danner

Then he tinkers with the controls, adjusts settings, accounts for dates and calendar discrepancies. He sets the machine in motion.

 

[The device moves.]

 

Thomas Thomas—Richard Penner

Hmm. Oh, I see. Venus eclipses Mercury. A tertiary conjunction of the inner planets, in concert with a conjunction of Jupiter’s moons. Pluto cuts an orbit interior to Neptune. A new comet appears, traces a sine wave around Uranus and Saturn, then collides with Encaladus, raising an enormous eruption of dust and ash. The crowd goes wild!

 

Leon

With the opening of Braintree Park and Ride Rooftop Stadium, he has found a new job, a whole new vocation really, and he is eager for celestial guidance as he embarks on this new path.

 

[Thomas flips through a book.]

 

Thomas

This is quite a lot. This seems momentus. Let’s see what ThirdSight Media’s “Orrery for Beginners” has to say… conjunction, outer planets, no, inner planets, there we are. Novel comet, waveform path, page 154. Okay. Calypso. What do we have?

 

“A trial awaits.”

 

Well that’s not specific at all. A trial. There’s always a trial. That’s all life is, a series of trials.

 

[Spins machinery again.]

 

Maybe I missed a detail. Did I account for Europa?

 

Leon

Thomas resumes his tinkering, looking for nuances and revelations, continuing to pursue knowledge of what is to come.

 

Letter to Aunt Eye

 

Cheese Robots—Jordan Higgs

April 14th, 10:13 AM: Schedule maintenance to tunnel walls between Downtown Crossing and South Station.

 

April 14th, 10:13 AM: Narration. New Subject: Isaiah Powell.

 

Leon Stamatis—Braden Lamb

In—in an undisclosed location, Isaiah Powell is composing a letter. He uses code names. He will send the message discreetly, to avoid interception. He wasn’t a secretive person by nature, but these days, his life relied upon stealth and obfuscation.

 

Isaiah Powell—Mario Da Rosa Jr. 

 

[Sound of handwriting.]

 

Dear Aunt Eye,

 

It’s Huey again. Do you like the wordplay of your codename? It’s not much of an alias, I know, easy to figure out. I still think it’s appropriate. E-Y-E. All seeing. All knowing. Helping me view the world for what it is. For what it can be. 

 

Still been focused on helping out Warsaw. She’s taken the lead. We found a way to bypass some of the new Charlie machines—they’re called VICKI stations now? Anyway, we’re sneaking folks through security holes in Red Line’s infrastructure, into her rail-home, and getting them to their jobs. These aren’t citizens or even XRL’s, but just regular commuters who depend on the T for a check. Their stories are incredible. One of them told me he was going without food just to save up for a car. Works as a janitor at a school in Arlington. Buys enough for his kids, eats what’s leftover. Another couple of weeks and he’ll have enough for what he’s been saving up for. 

 

When Warsaw heard this, she gave him her lunch and a big donation towards his vehicle. It’s tough to communicate inside there. We think they’ve got the place bugged based on how RLPD swings by whenever we get a particularly raucous group of commuters. We write messages to each other on a whiteboard. It’s crowded, too. Reminds me of the old days. One rail-home can’t accommodate all the people who need to get to work. 

 

Today I’m set to smuggle folks out of the city. These were workers who were arrested for—you guessed it—working. They were XRL citizens who boycotted, and now the city is boycotting them. Still expect them to show up for work every day, but why pay workers when you can arrest them and make them work for free? Disgusting. I’d hardly believe it’s legal if I didn’t know better, and I know it’s not just here. There’s no car you can save up for to outrun that. Not here. It’s everywhere you go. It’s like that ocean you spoke to me about. You always feel the tide pulling at you. Even if you’re miles from the shoreline. 

 

Hope all is well with our dear friend Alice and her wondrous friends. I’ll write more soon.

 

Yours,

Huey

 

[A pneumatic tube canister opens. The canister is placed in the tube, and the message gets whizzed away.]

 

STILL, I REGRET 3

 

Cheese Robots—Jordan Higgs

April 14th, 10:25 AM. Check in on Nica. Narration Continued from 9:58 AM: Nica Stamatis.

 

Leon Stamatis—Braden Lamb

Nica is agog at the situation she finds herself in. Ben Aflleck has just poured his heart out to her, and she has sat here, patiently listening, like some sort of… of person who listens to other people’s problems. Like… like she had with Emily.

 

Narrator—Alexander Danner

That was a disaster, of course. You can’t be a confidant and a betrayer to the same person, and trying just undid whatever good she’d thought she was doing. By the time Nica got through with her, Emily was an even sadder and more destructive person than when she started. Maybe Nica can only ever make things worse, no matter what she tries.

 

Leon

And yet… Ben Affleck looks better than he did a few minutes ago. Some small measure of relief. A slight dissipation of his memetic sadness. A little less Gigli, a little more… whatever he did that was better than Gigli.

 

Ben Affleck—Briggon Snow

Anyway, thanks for listening to me go on. You’re very kind.

 

Leon

And all she’d had to do was listen.

 

Nica Stamatis—Kelly McCabe

Yeah, uh… no problem.

 

Narrator

Really, she’d done barely more than nothing at all. It’s not like she can give him advice. What would she say? “Go back to directing?” She remembered that letter she’d sent in to the Dear Leon advice column, even though she knew it was just Michael writing the responses. All her musings about how there was still hope for Ben Affleck in the same letter where she’s talking about his big comeback as Batman. That sure turned out well for him, didn’t it? So what could she possibly know about his situation? What could she say to him that would have any merit? What had she really done for him? Nothing.

 

Leon 

She let him talk.

 

Narrator

Like I said: nothing.

 

Ben Affleck

It helps to be able to talk about it. I mean, I’ve always got Matt Damon. He’s very supportive, always there for me. But he’s heard me talk about all this so many times already. I get to feeling bad about weighing on him, weighing down with all my problems.

 

Leon

See?

 

[Matt Damon clears his throat.]

 

Ben Affleck

Matt Damon, did you want to say something?

 

Matt Damon—Zach Valenti

I love you, Ben Affleck. You’re my best friend forever, and I’m here for you. And they’ll all get over the Superman thing someday.

 

[An awkward pause as they wait to see if he’s going to say anything more. He doesn’t.]

 

Nica

Uh… I think Matt Damon is right. Just as soon as a new Superman movie comes out, with some other guy playing the role, everyone will forget all about the last one. It’ll be like he never died, so no one can blame you for killing him.

 

Ben Affleck

Thank you, guys. You’re awesome. And seriously, Nica, you ever change your mind about pitching that story, just give me a call. I can make some introductions for you.

 

Nica

Yeah, uh. That’s super cool of you, Ben Affleck. Thank you. But I’m… well, I’m not “good” exactly. But I’m headed in a different direction.

 

Leon

Nica watches as Matt Damon gathers his thoughts and prepares to speak.

 

[Matt Damon clears his throat.]

 

Nica

Yes, Matt Damon? Did you want to say something?

 

Leon

Nica can’t help leaning forward in anticipation of Matt Damon’s words. What will he say? What wisdom might he impart? What does Matt Damon have to say to her, of all people? There is a pause. A suspenseful silence. Nica is on the edge of her seat.

 

Narrator

Matt Damon speaks.

 

Matt Damon

Growing up, I heard the commercials on the radio all the time. Right alongside 1-800 Kars 4 Kids. “Singer Sew ‘n’ Vac, in Somerville!” There was something magical about that incongruous, intoxicating mix of mechanisms—sewing machines and vacuum cleaners, and nothing else. A machine of creation and a machine of void. I was inspired.

 

I bought my first sewing machine when I was ten years old. I could only afford a refurbished machine at the time, a machine with a history of service long before my clumsy little fingers threaded its needle. But it was beautiful, and I loved it. I loaded it into my wagon, and wheeled it through the streets of Somerville, desperately hoping the neighborhood boys wouldn’t see such vulnerable prey. They didn’t. I arrived safely at home.

 

I dedicated myself to the craft of thread and bobbin and needle. When I wasn’t on stage, I was in the costume shop. I personally stitched every costume worn by every actor in Good Will Hunting. The producers liked how much money I saved, but that’s not why I did it. I did it for love.

 

When I was nominated for my first Oscar, I could only wear a bespoke tuxedo crafted by my own hand. And it had to be special. There was this amazing thread shop at the time. Sew Buttons. Wonderful name. Inspired name. Down to Sew Buttons I went.

 

I remember you, Nica. You sold me the thread. Spool after spool of the finest fiber-optic textiles that had yet been created, and a hideaway battery pack to sew into the lining. I bought a blue bulb, blue like electricity, blue like a canary. I had planned on using red. You talked me out of it. You told me that red was too garish. That I would disappear into it. Nobody would truly see me, only my tuxedo. But in blue, I could shine out from within the light. The light would convey me rather than consume me.

 

And you were right. I’ve never regretted listening to you that day.

 

I still shop there, at Sew Buttons. Three years ago, while I was in that shop, I saw your flier. You had a show. An open mic performance. I remembered you, and how you had helped me. And in my gratitude, I felt a compulsion. A need to attend. To see you at work within the work of your heart.

 

Nica

Holy shit. You went…

 

Matt Damon

I went to your show.

 

Nica

You saw me…

 

Matt Damon

I saw you perform. You presented a monologue. It was about me. About how I had shopped in the store where you worked. About how you had never met me, though we’d been in the same building at the same time. I was confused. I understood that it was an artistic choice, but I didn’t understand the purpose of the lie. Why deny that we’d met? It was thematically incongruous with the other pieces of the monologue, about the people you had met. Chevy Chase in the video store. Jonathan Frakes’ father, the English professor. I didn’t understand the point of the lie. I didn’t understand the point of the monologue.

 

It wasn’t good.

 

There was nothing I could do for you.

 

Nica

Oh. Uh. Okay. Well, that, um… I mean, I know. I know it wasn’t good. But if you’re trying to convey some sort of lesson—and I-I think that you are—I’m not seeing it.

 

Matt Damon

There is still nothing that I can do for you. And I am filled with regret.

 

Nica

Oh. I guess… it’s fine? I mean, don’t worry about it. You don’t owe me anything.

 

Matt Damon

Still. I regret.

 

Nica

Cool. Anyway, that wasn’t a lie in my monologue. You’ve kind of half confused me with someone else? I worked at Sew Buttons, but I was in the back. I did repair, not sales. Janice Wilkinson was on the sales floor that day. She told me all about it later, how Matt Damon had come into the shop and she got to help you. I was jealous. So, so jealous. She hadn’t even seen any of your movies, she only knew you from Team America, you know, with that puppet version of you that only says your name over and over? But my picture was on the flyers by the register, and Janice and I looked kind of similar. You got us confused. It was Janice who helped you. Not me.

 

Matt Damon

Support water charities. They save lives all over the world.

 

[Silence. After a moment, Matt Damon begins snoring.]

 

Nica

Matt Damon? Are… are you asleep?

 

Ben Affleck

Aww, shhh. All that talking tuckered him out. Doesn’t he look like an angel when he’s sleeping? Just like an angel.

 

Nica

Yeah. Yeah, he does.

 

INTERVIEW MONTAGE

 

Interviewer

How have you changed in the past few years? 

 

Interview 2

I’ve definitely grown a lot to see more of the activism that takes place in Boston that I wasn’t really aware of when I was younger. 

 

Interview 3

I think, generally, I hope I’ve gotten more mature. 

 

Interview 4

For starters, I’m transgender. 

 

Interview 5

I have changed because I have get to know my neighborhood better. 

 

Interview 2

We look for more opportunities to advocate and have activism be a leading cause. So, I have no problems showing up to a city counselor’s office and saying, “hey, is affordable housing on the schedule today?”.

 

Interview 4

I did. I came out as nonbinary—that’s a pretty big change, just, like, personally, and socially. 

 

Interview 5

I also now know I live in a house because of the COVID-19. 

 

Interview 6

I’ve changed because I’ve become more tech-savvy. Boston has changed the same way. Well, not just Boston, but, y’know. The whole world. 

 

Interview 5

We really didn’t have time to spend at home. But COVID-19 kept us home, and we realized, “oh, my god, there’s a place that we have to take care of”, [interviewer chuckles] and so, that’s a big change. 

 

Interview 3

Uh, better at handling criticism, for sure. I used to, like, burst into tears when [laughs] somebody was like, “you should do this different”, uh, and now I’m like, “cool”. 

 

Interview 7

I have changed to be more empathetic and more understanding that everyone goes through things. 

 

HE HAS A NAME NOW

 

Cheese Robots—Jordan Higgs

April 14th, 10:44 AM: Narration. New Subject: Wendell Jorgenson.

 

[Sounds of Wendell in the kitchen, accompanied by humming.]

 

Leon Stamatis—Braden Lamb

In Jamaica Plain, Wendell Jorgenson wakes with a lover in his bed and a song on his lips.

 

Wendell—Mike Linden [singing quietly to himself]

I’m making coffee, for my love, Louisa.

Then I’ll make some breakfast, for my love, Louisa.

I bet she’d like some pancakes, and something sweet to top them.

 

Leon

Wendell is an early riser, a cheerful cook, and the sort of man whose happiness comes from bringing joy to the people around him. 

 

Narrator—Alexander Danner

Is this…

 

Leon

Singing Telegram Guy. He’s been around since the beginning, but he has a name now.

 

Narrator

Lucky him.

 

Leon

Louisa will sleep for another 43 minutes. By the time she shuffles down the hallway, she’ll find a table set with buttermilk pancakes, homemade raspberry compote, and hot coffee.

 

Wendell [still singing]

Then we’ll sit together, and have a lovely morning,

And I’ll be so happy, with my sweet Louisa…

 

Narrator

It’s interesting that we aren’t narrating Louisa directly. Haven’t in quite a while, actually. Not since… well, not since she got over you, I supposed.

 

Leon

Yes, she seems to be doing well.

 

Narrator

Now that she doesn’t have you to worry about anymore.

 

Leon

If that’s how you’d like to look at it, sure. I will say, Wendell is… not who I’d have predicted for her.

 

Narrator

Likewise, if I’m being honest.

 

Leon

But he is sincere, and he is in love. When Louisa finds him setting forks beside the plates already on the table, she will smile. As she smiles every time she wakes to find him near.

 

Narrator

Ohh, this must sting. Narrating your ex’s new boyfriend…

 

Leon

Narrating Wendell allows me to see with perfect clarity how genuine his feelings are. If you don’t believe that brings me overwhelming joy, then you haven’t learned anything about me at all.

 

Narrator

Mere hours ago, you insisted that you are human. That you have human feelings. Humans are jealous creators, Leon. To their core. If you don’t feel jealousy… then what are you?

 

Leon

I think the better question is…what are you?

 

COLD JUSTICE

 

Cheese Robots—Jordan Higgs

April 14th, 9:19 AM: Narration. New Subject: Stone Anderson. Introduce new character.

 

Narrator—Alexander Danner

That makes five. Six, if we count Matt Damon.

 

Leon Stamatis—Braden Lamb

At Andrew Station in Red Line, the Honorable Judge Stone H. Anderson presides over Red Line’s municipal court. Anderson is Red Line’s first, and to date, only judge, responsible for overseeing every civil and criminal case within city jurisdiction.

 

Narrator

As he reviews his docket for the day, he shivers in the cold air, glad to have the heavy sweater he wore beneath his robes.

 

Judge Stone Anderson—Todd Faulkner

Let’s see what we have today. Fare evasion. Loitering. Shoplifting. Contract dispute. Loitering.

 

Narrator

His judicial bench is located immediately beneath the glass clocktower of the open-air structure that previously served as bus terminals. When he’d first been appointed by the Linzer-Coolidge administration, Judge Anderson was promised that walls and heating systems would be added in short order.

 

Leon

But that was just one of many infrastructure improvement projects canceled by the Bespin administration in favor of roboticizing the trains and tripling the police force.

 

Narrator

Not to mention construction of a baseball stadium. 

 

Judge Anderson

Why would you invest in keeping your city’s judge from freezing to death? That would be silly. Minor concern. Talk about OSHA violations. What would Bespin do if I sued the city? Hire another judge? Nah, I bet she’d make me preside over my own case, and still pressure me to rule against myself.

 

Leon

The bailiff intrudes on Judge Anderson’s grousing to remind him that there are a number of defendants, lawyers, plaintiffs, and witnesses also sitting out in the cold, awaiting his decisions.

 

Judge Anderson

Bah. What else are we looking at today? Loitering. Loitering. Fare hopping. Loitering. Resisting arrest. Arrest for what? For loitering. Of course. Vandalism, okay, that’s something. Loitering, loitering, loitering, loitering, ugh. The mayor knows that loitering is literally just… standing around, right? Not actually doing anything besides existing in space? This is really how she wants to use my time? It’s not even trespassing! 

 

Leon
Of course, the judge knows what it’s really about. 

 

Narrator

Trespassing isn’t good enough for Bespin’s campaign to keep subversives and undesirables out of Red Line—not every undesirable is technically illegal. Hippies can get Charlie Permits if they have the money. But loitering laws let you arrest anyone who looks out of place, legal and illegal alike!

 

Leon

Anti-loitering ordinances were one of Bespin’s top priorities, and she expected them to be enforced to the full extent of the law. For some, that meant jail time, anywhere from 30 days to a year.

 

Narrator

Which was fine. A little jail time never hurt anybody.

 

Leon

Wow. You’re really going with that?

 

Narrator

Hey, don’t blame me. I’m just narrating what Stone here is thinking.

 

Leon [skeptical]

Right.

 

Excuse me.

 

Which was fine, the judge thought. “A little jail time never hurt anybody.” Eugh.

 

Narrator

But for most, rather than jail, the penalty was “rehabilitative contribution”. An opportunity to pitch in with all the tasks left undone by the ungrateful former janitors, waiters, vendors and other unskilled workers who had invalidated their Red Line citizenship through boycotts, work stoppages, and other anti-social activities.

 

Leon
Forced labor.

 

Narrator
Helpful labor!

 

Leon
Slavery.

 

Narrator

Slavery is illegal.

 

Leon

No. It isn’t.

 

Judge Anderson

We’re really giving that 13th Amendment exception a workout these days, aren’t we? But what can you do… the law is the law. Bailiff, please bring in the first defendant. Ha! “In.” As if. Please bring over the first defendant. Let’s see—Ernesto Demassi: fare evasion, loitering, and attempting to bribe an officer of the law. Great. Let’s get today’s shitshow started.

 

PIE AND PROPERTY LAW

 

Cheese Robots—Jordan Higgs

April 14th, 10:50 AM: Narration. New subject: Omi Ogawa.

 

Leon Stamatis—Braden Lamb

In Wonderland, Omi Ogawa is pouring over tomes of law—contract law, property law, business law—hoping to find points of leverage to help keep all the Wonderlanders safe under their makeshift roofs. None of this is in her area of legal practice, but she has called in favors from every colleague she can, looking for tips, advice, and consultations.

 

Narrator—Alexander Danner

Useful intel. Thanks for the heads up.

 

Leon

Dammit.

 

Omi Ogawa—Julia Morizawa

Hey Isabelle, it’s Omi. Just calling with an update. Not that I have much to update you on. I still don’t have a clear answer on who currently owns the property. It’s changed hands so many times, passed through so many different holding companies and subsidiaries. Honestly, I think whoever owns Wonderland wants it to be a secret for some reason.

 

Narrator
Good, the veil is holding. I didn’t expect Oliver’s nincompoop nephew to drag his feet nearly so long.

 

Omi

I’m not even sure if the ambiguity helps or hurts us. If we don’t know who owns it, we can’t challenge their ownership. But they can’t really challenge our occupation, either, without revealing themselves. Hell, for all we know, the owner might not even know they own it.

 

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got. Are we still meeting at Charlotte’s for Discovery tonight? I’ll bring pie, unless plans have changed. Let me know.

 

Narrator

I should check in with Oliver, make sure he’s turning the screws on his nephew with adequate vigor.

 

FATHERHOOD

 

Cheese Robots—Jordan Higgs

April 14th, 10:58 AM: Narration. New subject: Paul Montgomery Chelmsworth.

 

[Sounds of lockpicking.]

 

Leon Stamatis—Braden Lamb

At Downtown Crossing, in the former location of Filene’s Basement, Paul Montgomery Chelmsworth is ruminating on his feelings about his newfound fatherhood.

 

He likes it.

 

He likes it A LOT.

 

Chelmsworth—James Capobianco

Vincenzo? Oh, there you are!

 

Vincenzo—Ester Ellis

Hey, Dad.

 

Chelmsworth

Vincenzo, I was just wondering if you were busy. I just bought a new chess set and thought maybe you’d like to help me try it out.

 

Vincenzo

Yeah, I dunno, Dad. Chess isn’t really my sort of game, y’know?

 

Chelmsworth

Oh. Right. No, that’s fine. Um…

 

Vincenzo

Thanks, though.

 

Chelmsworth

Well, maybe we could…

 

Vincenzo

I’m just kinda busy, y’know.

 

Chelmsworth

Oh.

 

Vincenzo

Naw, I don’t mean… it’s just that I got a new job. I start tomorrow morning.

 

Chelmsworth

Oh! Well, that’s wonderful! Congratulations! We should celebrate.

 

Vincenzo

Yeah, but the thing is, I’ve gotta practice with these lockpicks. It’s, like… a job requirement.

 

Chelmsworth

Oh. Uh… lockpicks? Is… is this job… Vincenzo, is the job you got legal?

 

Vincenzo

Oh… yeah! It’s just for pizza. I’m a pizzageist.

 

Chelmsworth

I… see? Not really. But… maybe I could sit with you? Help you practice?

 

Vincenzo

Oh… sure! You know how to pick locks?

 

Chelmsworth

Not at all!

 

Vincenzo

Oh.

 

Chelmsworth

But you see, there’s a teaching technique… if you really want to learn how to do something, one of the best ways is by explaining it to someone else who knows even less.

 

Vincenzo

Oh… oh! I get it. So like… if I teach you how to pick locks…

 

Chelmsworth

Then in the process, you’ll become a better lockpick! Lockpicking person? Lockpicker? I’m unsure of the proper word form there.

 

Vincenzo

That makes sense. Sure, let’s try that. So, first you need a lock to work on. Here, this one’s just a regular door lock, like on most houses. Those are the easiest.

 

Chelmsworth

Oh… that’s somewhat alarming, but okay.

 

Vincenzo

Okay, so like… this is the tension rod. You gotta insert the one end… naw, not that end, the other one. Right. So that goes in the lock, and then you turn it, just a little. So you’ve got tension on the pins. That’s why it’s called a tension rod!

 

Chelmsworth

Yes, okay.

 

Vincenzo

Now, you got your feeler picks. But those are like… the advanced tool, y’know? You probably want to start with the rake. That’s for beginners. Here, this one’s the rake. I don’t really use it anymore, so if you want to practice on your own, you can hold onto that one.

 

Chelmsworth

Right. Beginner. Vincenzo, how long have you had this particular…hobby?

 

Vincenzo

Oh, I’ve been doing this for hours. Just practicing non-stop since, like… this morning. It’s not too hard, though. Beats trying to figure out that intercom in the mayor’s office.

 

Chelmsworth

Since this morning. I see. Okay. Well… show me what to do next.

 

The Schedule

 

Cheese Robots—Jordan Higgs

April 14th, 11:59 AM. The incipient end of morning.

 

April 14th, 12:00 PM. Morning has ended. Noon has begun.

 

April 14th, 12:00 PM. The incipient end of noon.

 

April 14th, 12:01 PM. Noon has ended. Afternoon has begun.

 

Leon Stamatis—Braden Lamb

I can’t imagine the residents of Red Line enjoy listening to that every day.

 

Narrator—Alexander Danner

No, but it certainly amuses me.

 

Cheese Robots

April 14th, 12:32 PM. Begin narration. New subject: Ethan Bespin.

 

Leon

Ah, this one’s all you.

 

Narrator

You think so, do you? [Clears throat.] Ethan Bespin paced and checked his pocket-watch. 

 

Ethan Bespin—Jordan Higgs

12:32…

 

Leon

Wait, we—we jumped forward that far?

 

Narrator

Keeping everything organized sure takes its toll, doesn’t it? 

 

[Clears throat; begins narrating.]

The fact that Ethan owned a pocket-watch was a bit of a contradiction—not because there were far more modern watch designs requiring far less work in order to tell time. He actually liked that about the pocket watch. Watches on your wrist? No, thank you. Having something around his wrist made him feel confined. It felt gauche, too similar to a handcuff. He was no common criminal with time confining him, weighing down his arm, limiting his mobility. On the other hand, having something gold or silver and ticking with the vitality of time in his pocket? That, well. That felt damn near like the wealth of a god. Like he owned time itself and treated it like pocket change. 

 

Ethan

12:33. Should be in Porter Square by now. And… according to the live map, that is the case. 

 

Narrator

The ideal place for the lab would have been Wonderland. But, alas…

 

Ethan

To dream cloudless thoughts, with thunderous intent. 

 

Narrator

Things were still tied up there, legally speaking. [To himself] Yes. I need to look into that. [Narrating] And with the lab being exposed, someone had explained to Ethan that keeping the lab in its present location just didn’t make any sense. 

 

Ethan

I’ve had this exact conversation before. 

 

Narrator

Yes, I’m aware. And with someone far less… knowledgeable than myself. Stopped clocks are right twice a day and all that, etc. etc. 

 

Ethan

Different circles spinning into spheres, but the radius meets in the center.

 

Leon

Wait—what time is it again? I feel like—I feel like the clock stopped for a–

 

Narrator

Stopped clocks, he thought. His clock wasn’t stopped. He couldn’t afford to merely be right twice a day. Who could? What kind of useful measurement was that? Right twice a day? With all the decisions needed to be made? Wrong twice a day was a gluttonous luxury of carelessness. Still, there was a logic in what was presented. He checked the pocket watch again, delighting in the glimmer of light cutting across his eyes as pressed his thumb over the latch, swinging the device’s face open. 

 

Ethan

Harvard now. Leaving for Central soon. And then here. And then Downtown Crossing, our new temporary home. At least until Wonderland is once again rightfully mine. 

 

Leon

The schedule has been adjusted. For something relatively momentous. The robots. They—why can’t I hear what this is? Fewer and fewer people are… accessible. I’m connected more than ever, but less information seems to be getting in.

 

Narrator

He folded the watch into his palm and clicked it closed, glancing around the packaged lab, robots at the ready. They would have three minutes and 22 seconds to load the parcels onto the empty Big Red. He’d picked his strongest experiments for the job, the Bourgogne-bots, a new line he’d been tinkering with, in place for advanced security protocols. He nodded at them and even thought they nodded back. Which—no. That was just his imagination. They didn’t have that kind of intelligence. Not yet. 

 

Leon

I can’t tell what’s happening. Why aren’t I connected? I’m always connected.

Narrator [to Leon]
Are you sure you want to be that connected?

 

Ethan

Oh, to wind the master gears of the world. 

 

Narrator [narrating]

Ethan had recently read an article about the man who runs the master clock of the world, which most electronic devices used as the universal standard. This was a delicate position requiring incredibly intricate work, and not nearly as easy as some untutored boob would lead one to believe. The disgusting clumsiness embedded into all the ways laymen brayed about time, with purposefully simplistic sentences meant to lull dull minds into confident forms of foolishness. “Like clockwork.” As if there was no work at all! As if time just pushed the hands of the clocks by itself, through some grand mystical power. Meanwhile, discussion of what it takes to master the brilliant delicacy of rendering time? One requires “surgical precision.” Ask anyone who’s ever had surgery just how precise the pain was. The master clock position appealed to Ethan. He’d be up for taking on the task, of course. Perhaps one day he’d make it his ambition. But for now…

 

Ethan

12:37. Leaving Central, arriving shortly. 

 

Narrator

One last thing to pack before he left. 

 

[Gloves are put on. The crystal ball is picked up.]

 

Leon

There we are. Kendall. Ethan. I’m with Ethan. I can feel the expensive leather gloves. We are moving.

 

Narrator

How sad it must be for you, Mr. Stamatis. You feel so much, don’t you, what with your feeble little mind connected to the city, tunneling in the dark underground all day? The only way you can make sense of it all is to focus on all these pointless people, all their pointless routines. And you’re so clouded over with their boring little stories that you probably don’t even realize you’re not telling the story anymore. Remember all that rude razzing you gave me? As if you could possibly have the wherewithal to narrate on your own. Please. Remember. I was inside their heads long before you arrived here, in your cheap little magic sphere. 

 

Gemma Linzer-Coolidge—Lydia Anderson

I know he’ll have it on his person. I’ve spied on him for weeks trying to map out his routine, trying to get a sense of what he does with it. Waiting for an opportunity like this. Ethan knows he came close to losing it the night we raided the lab and freed—Freed. If he’d left it behind, I would have my ball back already. 

 

Leon

Yes. Going through the day and focusing on routines does make this all slightly more manageable. And yes, it has been difficult to focus on whatever story is being told. Even now I feel—I feel as though I’m missing something.

 

Gemma

The plan calls for some kind of distraction. A distraction and a good pickpocket. 

 

Leon

But just like I am not the only narrator…

 

Gemma

As for the distraction…

 

Leon

Neither are you. 

 

Ethan

12:37.

 

Narrator

The train arrived precisely on schedule, and the Bourgogne-bots bundled packed boxes in their robotic limbs, expertly stowing them in record time. Ethan snapped his pocket-watch closed and slipped it into his pocket. His lab was moving. Yes. But Emily had already moved. And Ethan had a good idea where she’d moved too. 

 

Ethan [mournfully]

Standard time was invented for the trains. 

 

Leon

No. Standard time was invented to avoid chaos caused by the increased, widespread use of the trains. 

 

Narrator

Standard time is a concept you pathetic humans use to wrap your feeble brains around something you could never understand. 

 

Ethan

Emily…

 

Narrator

Ethan’s fingers closed over the gold ridges of the enclosed watch. The watch which was a contradiction indeed. Because Emily had given it to him. And Ethan loved it so. 

 

Leon

Is that—is that an actual feeling of… remorse? I’m feeling—feeling too much. From far too many these days. 

 

Gemma

I bit the bullet and gave the guy what he wants. A chance. A wish. A hope. A dream. A good word. People have sold their souls for less. He’ll be doing a good thing. Ultimately. 

 

Narrator [distracted]

Am I… am I missing something? Have I failed to—calculate— 

 

[Coughs, distracted, narrates as if trying on clothes, but they’re thoughts of different people.]

 

The train roared over the river, and Ethan stared at the sun shining high over the Hancock. 

 

Freed Friend Poletti—James Capobianco

Everyone tells me peanut butter is vegan, and yet I still have my doubts.

Leon
Ouch.

 

Narrator

No. Her? 

 

Nichole Fonzerelli—Kristen DiMercurio [singing a theme song]

It’s alright if I get a pizza pie tonight, Bonanza. Dun-da-da-dun-da-da-dun-da-da-dun, pizza here really sucks.

Leon
OUCH!

 

Narrator

No, come on. Uhh— 

 

Gemma

As for the distraction? I’ve tracked Ethan Cheddar-head’s movements and tracked all of his scheduled T-stops. He’s deliberately keeping his distance. From someone. 

 

Narrator

Uhh—Ethan—Ethan rode down into the tunnel at Park Street now.  

 

Gemma

Someone in particular. 

 

Narrator [to himself]

Oh. Maybe her? 

 

Emily Bespin—Sam Musher 

I can’t believe this wedding dress fits just as well as the day I bought it. Possibly better.

Leon
Too much, far too much!

 

Ethan

12:38, going on 9. 

 

Narrator 

Oh dear.
[Narrating, distracted] Ethan grinned. The scheduling was flawless. He didn’t even need to open his watch. He counted the rhythm of the ticks against his fingertips.

 

Gemma

So I feel like it only makes sense if the distraction is built around… her. 

 

Narrator

Uhh—they… and they arrived at Downtown Crossing. Exactly on schedule. 

 

[Ding-dong—T doors open. “Here Comes the Bride” plays. Cameras and bulbs flashing. Press shouting.]

 

Emily

Welcome home, my gooey little underbaked cupcake. I loved your idea of renewing our vows, so I just had to dress for the occasion, wearing this same pristine white dress, just as you saw me the day you made all this happen, your Red Line Bride. 

 

Ethan [quietly]

12:40.

 

Emily

Remember how we married at Kendall and then rode that train on to the next chapter of our lives? It’s so romantically symbolic that we find ourselves here. Now. In that same situation. Years later. 

 

Ethan

A wife is a wife, like taut rubber bands. Step to the side so we can unload the lab my… [it hurts to say it] sweet, we need to keep our schedule.

 

Emily

Oh, let them wait. We made them wait all night the day of our wedding. Time didn’t exist for us then. Time was a tennis ball we could bat round the court, just like we used to when we— 

 

Ethan

Time is a wonder known only to gods, and grasping for answers leaves laymen parched. We will not change course, we will not change our schedule!

 

Emily

But—but you wrote me. It was your idea. I—I thought— 

 

Narrator

She thought you were coming home to her. 

 

Ethan

Home is the place I have interests in mind. 

 

Gemma [monologuing] 

Distraction down, time for distraction two. 

 

[as reporter]

 

Eyy, Mr. Bespin, say cheese. 

 

[Flashbulb goes off close to Ethan. He rears back.]

 

Ethan

AHH!

Gemma
I watch the scene unfold like it’s in slow motion. Like that scene in Chariots of Fire. it’s the only scene I’ve watched, to be honest. Usually during self-congratulatory clip shows at the Academy Awards. The skimasked photographer running up to Ethan isn’t a photographer. He isn’t a cop either, no more than I was. He’s a thief. A thief named Phillip West. And he stole something from me a long time ago. And now he’s stealing it back. 

 

[Phil runs up to Ethan and bumps into him.]

 

Philip West—Michael Melia/Ethan/Leon

Oooof!

 

Leon [fading out]

Oh. Oh, I’m so dizzy. Too much. But—but this feels somewhat familiar. Oh! You feel somewhat familiar. You and your gloves. Off we go!

 

Emily [on the verge of tears]

I don’t—I don’t understand. Oh, what a silly misunderstanding! It’s all for a bit of pick-me-up for our fair Red Lineans. Who doesn’t want to see their Red Line Bride pitch in and help—move—lab parts for robots! And her—[forced] sugary little… cold… bon-bon. 

 

[Robots unpack crates.]

 

Ethan [patting his jacket]

The ball. The ball! WHERE!?!?—THEY TOOK THE BALL!

 

Emily

What?

 

Ethan

You human blockade, wall of a woman. Are you even capable of understanding what you’ve done? Are you?

 

Emily [barely holding on]

Well. Uhh. Phew! That’s enough work for me today. Keep red-lining on! Red Lines Matter! 

 

Narrator

This ride certainly didn’t quite go as planned. And just like Mr. Stamatis, our schedule is off. Far, far off. 

CREDITS

ALEXANDER
Greater Boston is created by Alexander Danner and Jeff Van Dreason with production assistance from TH Ponders, Bob Raymonda, and Jordan Stillman. Recording and technical assistance from Marck Harmon. This Season of Greater Boston was recorded in large part at the Bridge Sound and Stage in Cambridge, Massachusetts, with recording engineers Javier Lom and Alex Allinson. 

 

In order of appearance, this episode featured:

 

Jordan Higgs as Cheese Robots and Ethan Bespin

Braden Lamb as Leon Stamatis

Alexander Danner as The Narrator

Richard Penner as Thomas Thomas

Mario Da Rosa Jr as Isaiah Powell

Briggon Snow as Ben Affleck

Kelly McCabe as Nica Stamatis

Zach Valenti as Matt Damon

Mike Lindel as Wendell Jorgenson

Todd Faulkner as Judge Stone Anderson

Julia Morizawa as Omi Ogawa

James Capobianco as Professor Chelmsworth and Freed Friend Poletti

Ester Ellis as Vincenzo Chelmsworth

Lydia Anderson as Gemma Linzer-Coolidge

Kristen DiMercurio as Nichole Fonzerelli

Sam Musher as Emily Bespin

and Michael Melia as Phillip West. Yes. He’s in this just as one of three people saying “oof!”

 

“Charlie on the MTA” performed by Emily Petersen and Dirk Tiede. “Circus Music” and “Tam Lin Set” performed by Adrienne Howard, Emily Petersen, and Dirk Tiede. 

 

Interviews recorded with greater Boston residents. Transcripts available at greaterbostonshow.com. You can support Greater Boston by subscribing to our Patreon at Patreon.com/GreaterBoston – or looking into Fable and Folly plus. Also – This episode was made available through all the wonderful people contributing to our current Indiegogo crowdfunding campaign. Head over to greaterbostonshow.com/donate to support the rest of Season 4, which we’re hoping to produce and release by Fall 2022. 

 

COOKIE

Sam Musher 

[as Emily] Red Lines Matter! [as Sam] Oh, boy, man. [Laughs.]

 

Alexander Danner 

[Blubbering/lip flapping sounds.] James Capobianco as Pro-fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh. Bluh. 

 

Braden Lamb 

[as Leon] Off we go. Off we go! [Laughs.]