[Bernie whistles the “Charlie on the MTA” theme song]

Voices
This is…
This is…

This is…

Greater Boston.

 

[Whistling slowly fades out]

 

[Jail environment—Shawmut. Bernie whistles as he walks down the line of cells.]

 

Bernie—Josh Rubino

Let’s see here. Pinky, there you go, little package from Mom. Coco, I think this is some instructions from your lawyer. Ronnie, a little love letter from Mick—you can tell because the envelope is pink as always. And… here we go. Nica? Nica Stamatis?

 

Nica Stamatis—Kelly McCabe

Who are you?

 

Bernie

I’m Bernie. I’m a mail carrier! 

 

Nica

They let you just… walk in here? To deliver mail?

 

Bernie

[Chuckles.]Well, it does take some power of persuasion, but thankfully me and the lead guard, Tony, are on excellent terms. My husband is a fantastic baker, and I drop him half a dozen sweets each time I make my deliveries here. Speaking of. [Takes out a letter.] Got a letter for ya. 

 

Nica

Oh.

 

Bernie

It’s from a fella named Michael Tate?

 

Nica

Wow. Already? I just got in here yesterday. 

 

Bernie

From my understanding, he wrote it a little while ago. Back when he was, uhh… stuck at work.

 

Nica

Nearly dying. Imprisoned. Mostly by his own will. 

 

Bernie

I suppose that’s true, yes. 

 

Nica

But he got out before I went into lockup. So how did you know I was in here?

Bernie
Oh, I have my ways. You know I have a county record? Best delivery rate. 100%. Every time. Next stop, regional. Then hopefully the state record! The sky’s the limit! 

 

Nica

Wow. Impressive. Well. Thanks, I guess. 

 

Bernie 

You’re welcome! Ah… mm. Coughs.]So… you uh, you gonna open it?

 

Nica

I mean, eventually. 

 

Bernie

Right. It’s—uhh—it’s just that most people tear into these right away. 

 

Nica

I know Michael is okay, or will be okay. I spoke to him before I had to save my brother from that same office. My brother is the one who got him out. Did he get a letter too? Dimitri?

 

Bernie

Oh, yes. Quite a few people have.

 

Nica

Okay. 

 

Bernie

You sure you’re not gonna — 

 

Nica

You seem awfully invested in me opening this.

 

Bernie

Well, to be completely honest, I’ve enjoyed seeing people’s reaction to them. They’ve mostly been very powerful. 

 

Nica

I’ve always wanted to open other people’s mail. 

 

Bernie

Well, that’s a federal crime. They usually read them out loud so I get to— 

 

Nica

I’m not doing that.

 

Bernie

Oh, that’s fine! Message received. It’s your mail, after all, it’s only — 

 

Nica

I think I’m going to save this for when I really need it. Not a ton of reading material in here, you know?

 

Bernie

Of course. Well, I’ll be on my way. You take care, now!

 

Nica
Uh-huh, you know it! Best I can, only way I know how!

 

[Bernie whistles as he walks away. Sound fades out.]

 

[Jamaica Plain streets, residential area. Bernie whistles and walks up a stoop and knocks on the door. He knocks again when the door opens]

 

Bernie

Louisa Alvarez?

 

Louisa—Julia Propp

Yep. Do I need to sign for something?

 

Bernie

Oh no, just a letter here for you.

 

Louisa

Oh—just… drop it in the box on the left. 

 

Bernie

It’s from Michael Tate. 

 

Louisa

Okay. That’s weird.

 

[Pause.]

 

Bernie

He, uhh… he wrote it when he was at ThirdSight. 

 

Louisa

OH, this is that letter. Right. Umm. Thanks! [Takes the letter.] Is that all for you today?

 

Bernie

Lots of letters delivered by Michael around this time. A whole bunch of people seemed to be really moved by them. 

 

Louisa

I don’t doubt that.

 

Bernie

You gonna open it?

 

Louisa

Uhh. Not at the moment. No. 

 

Bernie

Okay, then. 

 

Louisa [insistent] 

Bye! 

 

Bernie

Mind if I ask why?

 

Louisa

Why bye?

 

Bernie

Why you’re not going to open it? I’m sorry to be forward—it’s just that so many people have gotten a lot out of these letters. It’s possible it may be just what you need. That seems to be the case for others, so— 

 

Louisa

I’m just getting used to the fact that my best friend nearly died. I can’t handle the fact that he wrote me a goodbye letter right now. You know?

 

Bernie

Well, sure, that makes sense. Just make sure you open it when you really need it.

 

Louisa

Uh-huh. Will do. Thanks, Mr. Postman. 

 

Bernie

You take care, now!

 

Louisa [adding a “weirdo” at the end in her head]

Yep, uh-huh, you too! 

 

[Door shuts a little too hard. Bernie whistles and walks away, nonplussed. Sound fades out.]

 

[Sound fades up on a Roxbury street. Bernie walks down the street whistling, knocks on a door. No answer. Bernie knocks again]

 

Philip West—Michael Melia [through the door]

Yeah?

 

Bernie

Oh, hello! I got a letter here for a Mr. Philip West?

 

Phil [through the door]

Just drop it through the slot. 

 

Bernie 

It’s from a Mr. Michael Tate?

 

Phil [through the door]

Just drop it through the slot.

 

Bernie

These letters have had a profound effect on the people who — 

 

Phil [through the door]

Just drop it through the slot!

 

Bernie

I think if you’d just consider reading it, Mr. West, you’ll see that — 

 

Phil [opens the door a crack]

This isn’t… I’m not Mr. West. I’m, uhh… Bob.

 

Bernie [playing along, but clearly knows Phil is Bob]

Well, Bob. You let Philip know this letter is here for him. And that Michael Tate is okay.

 

Phil [through the door]

Yeah, uhh, he told me he saw him on the news. It was good… uhh… news. Good news. On the news. 

 

Bernie

I’m willing to bet there’s more good news in this here letter.

 

Phil [sighing, through the door]

Just… drop it through the slot.

 

Bernie

You’ll make sure he gets it, now, right… Bob?

 

[Phil swings open the door.]

 

Phil

Sure, pal. Not only that. I’ll make sure he finds you when he’s ready to read it. And he’ll read it to you and the two of you can have a good cry over it, okay?

 

Bernie

Sounds like a deal to me!

 

[Phil slams the door.]

 

Phil [through the door]

Now just drop it through the fucking slot!

 

Bernie

[Chuckles.]Haha. Okay, then! Have a good one, now!

[Bernie drops it through the slot.)] Huh. Tough day. Oh well. No stamp licks the same…

 

[Bernie walks away, sighing, just slightly frustrated. But then he whistles. Sound fades out.]

 

CREDITS:
Greater Boston is created by Alexander Danner and Jeff Van Dreason, with support from TH Ponders, Bob Raymonda, and Jordan Stillman. This mini-episode was written and sound designed by Jeff Van Dreason. 

This mini-episode features:

• Josh Rubino as Bernie the Mail Carrier
• Kelly McCabe as Nica Stamatis
• Julia Propp as Louisa Alvarez
• And Michael Melia as Phillip West

“Charlie on the MTA” whistled by Josh Rubino.

Transcripts available at greaterbostonshow.com

Episode 40 debuts on September 27th.

COOKIE:
Julia Propp [as Bernie Sanders]
Lots of letters delivered by Michael around this time. A whole bunch of people seemed to be really moved by them. You gonna open it? Okay, then. Mind if I ask why? Why you’re not going to open it? I’m sorry to be forward, it’s just that so many people have gotten a lot out of these letters. It’s possible it may be just what you need. I wrote the bill. [Laughs.] I don’t know where I went after that. I’ve got a few minutes…