Episode 23: On the Advice of Mary Wollstonecraft

COLD OPEN

CHUCK OCTAGON — Jeff Van Dreason
What’s a regret that you have and why?

FEMALE INTERVIEW 1

One of my regrets…is sometimes not listening to myself, or my conscience? ‘Cause I tend to do that a lot and then I regret it later. ‘Cause a lot of things that happened since I was little to know, like… ‘oh, I should have listened to myself back then.’

[Charlie on the MTA plays]

Which is…one, is my relationship? Kind–’cause that, kinda brought my downfall last semester? Kinda affects school and what not. But. I felt that sometimes, I just go with the moment, which most of the time don’t really end up well.

CHUCK OCTAGON
Mmm.

FEMALE INTERVIEW 1

And that…I did regret.

 

PREVIOUSLY IN

KELLY MCCABE

Previously in Greater Boston.

TYRELL FREDERICKS — Arun Sannuti

Dear Dipshit. I hope you remember. You were once a good person. And can be again.

GEMMA LINZER-COOLIDGE — Lydia Anderson

The suspect’s name is Powell? Isaiah Powell.

ISABELLE POWELL — Jessica Washington

There’s no situation on God’s green earth where my Isaiah did this. You know, he’s innocent! My Isiah is innocent, you know!

GEMMA LINZER-COOLIDGE — Lydia Anderson

I’m sorry, I don’t know.

NICA STAMATIS — Kelly McCabe

I’m not sure I can do this anymore.

TITLE SEQUENCE

Multiple Voices

Red Line

Arlington

Cambridge

I’m from Dorchester.

Jamaica Plain

Revere

Uhh…I’ve lived in Leominster my whole life.

Hanson

Wellesley

(hate that town)

Lowell

Lexington

Red Line

Worcester

Uhh…I’m from Somerville

Peabody

Tewksbury

Hyde Park

Roslindale

Andover

Dorchester

Newton

Framingham

Medford, Massachusetts

This Is

Lowell

Fenway Park

Red Line!

This Is

Revere

Metheuen

This Is

This Is

This Is

Greater Boston

THIS WEEK

NARRATOR—Alexander Danner

This week in Greater Boston, Episode 23: On The Advice of Mary Wollstonecraft.

[Music fades out]

Spiritual Advising

NARRATOR — Alexander Danner

For the first time since he started working for Third Sight Media, Dipshit Poletti dreaded going to work on Monday morning. He couldn’t quite put his finger on why. Something had changed in him within the last couple of weeks, something that felt like a gnawing ache in his stomach. He hadn’t even been able to enjoy the communes traditional Sunday night bean curd stew, which had been prepared by Fox Fossil, the best cook out of all 17 of them. He always baked lentil biscuits to accompany the feast, but through the entire meal Dipshit’s stomach ached to the point of extreme nausea.

[Dipshit walks up the step into the office and turns on the lights. The lights hum].

The office was empty when he arrived. Not a single person was present. It didn’t take him long to figure out why. There’d been a memo emailed over the weekend. Dipshit didn’t believe in environmentally wasteful electricity so he did not believe in electronic mail, preferring the traditional methods of postal couriered hand delivery or pneumatic tubes.

[Rolling chair].

The tubes were one of the reasons he’d been attracted to Third Sight in the first place. And now the tubes were part of what he dreaded the most.

But that wasn’t quite right. It wasn’t everything. There was more to his general workplace dread.

A company memo had come down the tube just for him.

[Dipshit opens tube and takes out note].

The publisher knew Dipshit wouldn’t receive the email so the tube was waiting for him inside his office, explaining that Third Sight would be closed starting today and for the immediate future, scheduled to reopen within the week. There was unplanned extermination scheduled for the upstairs offices.

Dipshit understood that was the real reason why the offices were closed. He knew. And yet — he couldn’t help feeling like there was a bigger reason why people weren’t at the office.

It was because of him. It was because nobody liked him.

[Chair slump, slight roll]

He slumped down in his chair and sighed. And that’s when another tube arrived.

[Tube]

He took out the note and read it.

[Opens tube, reads note]

LEON –– Braden Lamb

“No man chooses evil because he is evil;

DIPSHIT — James Capobianco.
“No man chooses evil because he is evil;

LEON
…he only mistakes it for happiness,

DIPSHIT
…he only mistakes it for happiness.

LEON
…the good he seeks.”

DIPSHIT
…the good he seeks.”

[Weird music plays].

It’s her! It’s Mary Wollstonecraft!

[Shouting up tube]

I hear you! Can you hear me? This is so exciting, I had no idea it was you up there! You’ve been away for so long I thought you had forgotten me. Please, grant me the wisdom I’ve so sorely missed!

[Tube / head bump]

Owe! You don’t have to be rude about it.

[Opens tube / Unrolls paper]

It’s blank. I don’t — I don’t understand. What does this mean?

“No man chooses evil because he is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks.”

Please help me understand. I think — I think I know what you’re trying to tell me, but — but it never felt like a choice, it was just — it was just work.

[Music fades out]

It was…just…work.

NARRATOR

Dipshit leaned back in his ergonomic chair and thought about the decisions he’d made.

[Chair slides and Dipshit falls]

He leaned back so much he fell out of the chair, and that’s when it occurred to him. The last time he remembered being advised by Mary Wollstonecraft was right around the time he had been promoted and began taking the guidance of another spiritual adviser sending word down from above. That spiritual adviser had led him seriously astray, to the point where he’d been abandoning his ideals all silly willy nilly.

DIPSHIT

I was wrong. I see that now. I was wrong about a great number of things. Please, help me correct it. Tell me what I must do to atone.

[Tube]

NARRATOR

And right on cue, Mary Wollstonecraft sent instructions for atonement down the tube.

[Red Line train. Phones ringing].

 

EVEN EVERY ENTERPRISE

[Red Line door}.

CHARLOTTE LINZER COOLIDGE (CLC) — Summer Unsinn

Oh. Hi. I — uhh, I wasn’t expecting…umm…Melissa’s gone dealing with this whole…sorry, come in.

[Pause]

I was just having a cup of tea. I’ve been on the phone non-stop since the whole thing — can I get you something?

ISABELLE POWELL (IP) — Jessica Washington

My nephew.

CLC

What?

IP

You can get my nephew.

CLC

I uhh — Isaiah, right? I don’t —

IP

Don’t act so surprised. They arrested him, all according to your plan. At the scene of the crime. His student ID. A nice touch, given the nature of our first conversation. Fingerprints literally all over the device that spilled the beans, so to speak.

CLC

I don’t —

IP

Stop. Stop talking. Do you hear my voice right now? Do you hear how measured and controlled it is? Do you hear how low and composed it is? How cold and pointed it sounds? It’s bristling against the edge of irritation. Do you have any idea how…maddening… it is to need to practice not being too angry? Forcing your emotions into a funnel until they sharpen to a point so you don’t come off sounding too crazy? People see me getting angry and they get certain ideas. Even you, when I first walked into your office. You know what your face told me? Here’s someone with an agenda. She’s got an angle and she’s going to play it. Tell me I’m wrong. Lie to me and I’ll see right through it. One thing about people who constantly need to suppress our anger — we can read lies like bible psalms on a billboard.

CLC

No. You’re –you’re not wrong. And I don’t know why you’re angry, but you’re right, you have more reason to be angry than I do and less opportunities to express it. And for that I’m sorry.

Isabelle. I promise you. I’m not your enemy. Whatever you think I did —

IP

THEY TOOK ISAIAH! Your — your MEN. Your GOONS. They pinned this idiotic baked bean business on him, do you understand me? They think it’s him. Forgive me if I don’t completely buy the fact that you have nothing to do with it. It wouldn’t be the first time someone like you had a personal stake in pinning a crime on someone like me.

CLC

Do you really think that little of me?

IP

(Laughs)

Yes, I do. I truly, truly do. And the funny thing is I just told you why. I just laid it all out for you, plain as a sunny day. Do you think I enjoy talking to you about this stuff? Do you think the day I walked in here I was…what, gloating? I have a life outside of my own race you know. I’ve won awards for my knitting. I’ve placed people in homes they never dreamed they could afford. I’ve watched every episode of Star Trek in existence. Even that dumb damn cartoon they used to show. Even that Scott Bakula Enterprise garbage, every single one. I’ve got a happy birthday to you voice message from Nichelle Nichols. I’ve got Gene Roddenberry’s autograph. I’ve met Ricardo Montalban. That man gave me a kiss on the cheek —  long before Star Trek II, I’m talking 1989, back after The Motion Picture completely bombed, when Trekker fandom was at one of its lowest points in our history.  Nicholas Meyer knew my name and I bet you don’t even know who the hell that is.

CLC

I…don’t.

IP

This isn’t fun for me, all this work I do. It’s survival. And the sick part is I can’t get in your face and scream at you about how wrong it all is. I’m not. Allowed. To do that. Because as obvious as it is to me, how wrong it’s been for so long, I start acting on those natural human impulses and then people start to get ideas, start finding all sorts of quote legitimate excuses unquote. And there’s my nephew, better than me, better than all of us. He was trying to protect me, do you know that? He gets caught up in this mess simply because — because —

CLC

Are you okay?

IP

DON’T touch me.

CLC

I’m — I’m sorry.

IP

You really ….you didn’t know, did you?

CLC

I’m hearing this for the first time. Like I said, when I came in here I was …I was completely just…giving up. Shutting down. I’d had enough. I’d turn the phones off if I knew how. I don’t know what to do anymore, Isabelle. I —

IP

It’d be easier if I didn’t believe you. It’d be so much easier if you… having someone to direct this at, that’s what I need. But it doesn’t matter, Charlotte. It doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t know what to do about this either. But I know what I can do and what I will do. @hatever I can to free Isaiah.

You have 24 hours to release him.

CLC

Release him…or what?

IP

Or your problems get worse.

CLC

I want to help you. You understand that, right? Like, if it’s as easy as me walking into the jail and saying—

IP

And where is that jail located again?

CLC

If it’s as easy as me releasing him, I will. But I’m not above the law.

IP

Oh, please.

CLC

That’s not how this works. When you’re mayor, do you think you’re just going to —

IP

I will do what is right. That’s all I’ve ever asked you to do. It’s just that your version of right don’t line up with mine. Because it’s never had to. It’s never been necessary.

24 Hours.

CLC

Isabelle. Whatever you’re planning? How do you know this isn’t exactly what they want?

IP

They who?

CLC

They…whoever did this?

IP

[Bitter laugh]

Because. They don’t know who they messing with.

[Red Line door / Red Line Train].

SURRENDER DIPSHIT

[Crowded enclosed place / train noise. Red Line door]

DIPSHIT

Excuse me — can you — ?

GEMMA — Lydia Anderson

Hang on a second.

(yelling behind her)

Don’t we have any other place for processing? City lock-up’s all there is?

OFFICER (distance) — Alexander Danner

The mayor thought it was best if suspects weren’t on the train.

GEMMA

(slams phone down)

Oh, this is ridiculous. What can I do for —

DIPSHIT

Gemma.

GEMMA

You. What the hell are you doing here?

DIPSHIT

I have come to turn myself in, so I don’t have time to fraternize with former colleagues. I request the presence of a Red Line peace officer so I may atone for my crimes and cleanse my spirit on the advice of my beloved spiritual adviser —

GEMMA

Don’t you have a star chart for this sorta thing Panda Bear?

DIPSHIT

Dipshit.

GEMMA

Look at you. Getting a little fight in you now, huh? That’s not bad, Armageddon Man or whatever the fuck your name is right this second. And if you’re looking to confess, you can confess to me but do it quickly because I’m up to my tits today and I don’t have time for the inane ramblings of some hippy dippy new age yahoo.

DIPSHIT

You? Confess to you?

GEMMA

Isn’t that what you wanted to do? What kinda crime did you commit, rip your horoscope in half?

DIPSHIT

You mean to tell me you are a Red Line peace officer?

GEMMA

Something like that. I’m the chair of the city enforcement oversight committee.

DIPSHIT

Well. In that case, Red Line must be positively obese with villainous rogues, scoundrels and malefactors.

GEMMA

Why would you —

DIPSHIT

It’s a surprise the trains even run at all with the amount of crime they must need to carry on their backs if you’re the one meant to keep them in line.

GEMMA

You honestly think I have a problem keeping people in line?

DIPSHIT

No, I think you have a problem doing your job.

GEMMA

This coming from the guy who spent his days at Third Sight doing nothing but writing letters to HR. Either changing your name again or complaining about me not taking your umpteenth name change seriously.

DIPSHIT

I’ll admit it, I reported you to Tyrell. But it was never about your gross incompetence or obscene job negligence. I let all that go. I assumed we all walk different spiritual paths on our way to embrace the glory of the ascended eye. Your path was just…long. Confused. Twisted.

GEMMA

It was a stupid job. And the only path I was on was the one that went out the door.  

DIPSHIT

I see. And that’s why you worked there for twenty years.

GEMMA

Listen you walking celery stalk in J. Crew Outlet clothes, I did not care about Third Sight in the slightest. Not once. Never. And do I regret that? Do I regret how long I let myself work there? Absolutely. But I walked away learning something from that experience. I learned I need to fight for what I value. And that means I’m fighting for Red Line because as fucked as this entire city is, it was started in earnest. It was started by someone who wanted to do good. I can’t say the same about Third Sight because I never got the sense that it was about anything other than making bullshit predictions to placate starry-eyed corn cobs who felt their problems could be solved by writing a letter to some muttonhead exploitive boob like you.

DIPSHIT

Or you.

GEMMA

Yes, or me. You got me. I wasn’t good at it because there was nothing good about it. But that’s changed.

DIPSHIT

If that’s the case, why am I not in custody by now?

GEMMA

Eh – Because — because I — you haven’t — ERRRRGH!

DIPSHIT

You don’t even have my name down for your report yet.

GEMMA

Fine, what is it again? Nuclear Ned? Destruction Dave? Calamity Jane?

DIPSHIT

Dipshit.

GEMMA

Stop. Calling. Me. That.

DIPSHIT

I’m not, although under the circumstances it may be appropriate. Dipshit Poletti is my legal name and has been for over three weeks.

GEMMA

Ahh, wow. Is that a new record? Wait — wait a second. Wow. I’m sorry. That took a bit to sink in. Dipshit? DIPSHIT?

DIPSHIT

Correct.

GEMMA

(Laughing)

Is it — it it Christmas? Am I on one of those reality shows with a hidden camera? You really — you — why — why would you do that?

DIPSHIT

I allowed Third Sight employees to vote on my new name. I lied and said Mary Wollstonecraft had advised me to hold this demonstration of workplace democracy. The truth was I didn’t realize people disliked me to the degree they clearly do. I was hoping for something different, maybe some positive reinforcements. Perhaps something like Great Editor Poletti. Or Passionate Poletti. Or Sustainable Poletti.  

GEMMA

Goddamn it. That’s too sad for me to make fun of. Okay Dipshit, what did you do?

DIPSHIT

I engaged in a criminal conspiracy called The Lottery that specifically targeted Red Line in an effort to cause confusion, disorder and fear throughout the city and its citizens.

GEMMA

You — Dipshit — you’re the Lottery?

DIPSHIT

Not me specifically, but I was certainly a part of it.

GEMMA

What part of it?

DIPSHIT

First, I was a courier of information, spreading plans for Lottery attacks from every active participant. I’m also personally responsible for the molasses, tea and baked bean incidents that put several lives in danger, although I was acting under the request of my employer.

GEMMA

Your employer put you up to this.

DIPSHIT

That’s correct.

GEMMA

The publisher.

DIPSHIT

Yes.

GEMMA

You’re telling me the owner and publisher of Third Sight Media is directly responsible for The Lottery attacks.

DIPSHIT

Yes.

GEMMA

What’s their name?

DIPSHIT

I can’t tell you that.

GEMMA

Because you don’t know?

DIPSHIT

Because I need assurances. I’m owning up to these crimes on the condition that the man you wrongly arrested in the aftermath of the baked bean wedding disaster is set free.

GEMMA

Is that why you’re confessing?

DIPSHIT

Yes.

[Pause]

GEMMA

Why don’t I believe you?

DIPSHIT

Because you never have. About anything. Not my spiritual beliefs, my name changes —

GEMMA

Yeah, because all of that was nothing but hot n’ fresh horse shit, but one thing I never doubted was your sincerity.

DIPSHIT

You’re gravely mistaken. As I mentioned before, I’m confessing on the advice of my spiritual adviser Mary Wollstonecraft, who had been terribly silent for far too long but has since awoken within me and persuaded me to atone for my sins.

GEMMA

And she’s a voice in your head, right?

DIPSHIT

Her communication methods are vast and mysterious. I once heard her guidance in the form of whispers which sprung from the burst bubbles of my weekly cleanse.

GEMMA

Ugh, TMI, Dipshit.

DIPSHIT

In this case, however, she used the pneumatic tubes at Third Sight to pass on the glory of her personal scripture.

GEMMA

She talked to you in the tubes. The same tubes the publisher uses?

DIPSHIT

Correct.

GEMMA

You’re a fall guy, Dipshit. You’re being set up. I’m guessing that’s why you don’t know the big bad bosses name.

DIPSHIT

I suspected the same at first. But then I figured — if the publisher were using me in such a fashion, why would they implement themselves, even obliquely? And that’s when the Ms. Wollstonecraft told me the publisher’s name, as if sensing my brief heretic doubt. She asked me to keep it close for the time being. It’s a bargaining chip. I’ll release it once you release him.

GEMMA

Him being…

DIPSHIT

Isaiah Powell. The true fall guy in this whole ordeal.

GEMMA

There’s hard evidence linking Isaiah Powell with the baked bean disaster.

DIPSHIT

Evidence I planted.

GEMMA

Why?

DIPSHIT

It was an effort to provide a fall guy, as you said, while also tarnishing the reputation of Isaiah’s aunt, Isabelle Powell.

GEMMA

Do you have any hard evidence that corroborates any of this information? Witnesses, even?

[Pause]

DIPSHIT

I do not.

GEMMA

Okay. So supposing I believe you — and I still have my doubts. Why would you do this? What’s your motive?

[Pause]

DIPSHIT

I was …

I was living up to my new name.

[Drive the Cold Winter Away fades up]

 

WHO WINS THE LOTTERY

NARRATOR

Oliver had warned Nica not to come to the Third Sight offices long ago, stressing the necessity of distance in order for their plans to run smoothly. She didn’t really care about that anymore. There was a sign on the door that said Third Sight was closed. Nica ignored it and snuck into the building using a service elevator. The office was eerily quiet, no sound but the quiet hum of unused electronics and her feet creeping over that crappy turquoise carpeting.

She found Michael’s desk and opened a drawer and there was—

[Drawer opens, puzzle box shakes]

— the puzzle box? The one she’d thrown into the night long ago. It was sitting on a stack of letters and packages, all addressed to Leon. From Dimitri.

[Tube]

NICA — Kelly McCabe

Ahh!

NARRATOR

There was a pneumatic tube jutting out from the wall next to Michael’s desk. A sign read “Publisher” accompanied by an arrow standing straight up. Just like what happened when she’d come here for that dumb seance. Inside the tube was a cylinder with a note.

She opened it and instantly freaked. Big time freaked.

[Tube opening noise]

NICA

No…

NARRATOR

It was addressed to her from Leon saying he didn’t have much time but — but stressing that Michael was in trouble. Leon hoped to have a plan to save him but it wasn’t perfect and —

NICA

No, this — this can’t be right. This can’t be right.

NARRATOR

It was some kind of cruel joke. A prank. How dare anyone do something like —

Like that. To her.

[Tube shatters against the wall, drawer closes, puzzle box shakes]

She threw the tube against the wall, grabbed the letters and the puzzle box and fled Third Sight media, running into a strange woman milling around the parking lot.

[Crash bar on emergency exit]

GEMMA

Ahh!

NICA

Excuse me, I —

GEMMA

Do you work there? I’m looking for a Michael Tate?

NICA

He’s uhh — it’s — they’re closed.

GEMMA

Okay, but — could you tell me anything about …uhh… Dipshit Poletti?

NICA

What?

GEMMA

Yeah, I  just umm —

NICA

Sorry, umm — I — I have a  — photography appointment.

[Running footsteps]

GEMMA

That’s…oddly…specific.

Michael was nowhere to be found. She couldn’t face Mallory yet. She hadn’t meant to hurt her, hadn’t meant to hurt Louisa —

Louisa. She could talk to her.

Why didn’t she want to? Louisa had been nothing but kind to her.

Nica wondered if Louisa was still wearing an eye patch.

LOUISA — Julia Propp

No, that was just for a couple of weeks. It was a little sensitive to light thanks to some scratching the leaves did. Eye doctor said it’s totally fine now.

What’s been going on with you?

NICA

Well. I went looking for Michael and I haven’t been able to find him.

LOUISA

Yeah. I’m really worried about him. We’ve been talking pretty regularly and I haven’t heard from him in over a week. I — I checked the wreckage, you know. At Porter. There haven’t been any deaths reported, thank goodness and Michael’s been kinda MIA for days before the Bean Incident, but —  with that happening and him being gone? I…

NICA

I don’t think he’s gone. Not, like, “gone” gone. But I think he might be in trouble.

LOUISA

What makes you say that?

NICA

Just a feeling, I guess.

LOUISA

Nica. Is everything okay?

NICA

No. But before I tell you what’s wrong, I need to ask you a huge favor. Whatever I tell you needs to be a secret, just between me and you. Can you promise me that?

LOUISA

Sure, I guess.

NICA

Do you — do you remember when I came to your place to wait for Leon to show up because he’d been scheduling stuff into your calendar? We — we waited and there was just some guy in a Bee Keeper outfit singing some bug nuts thank-you song?

LOUISA

Yeah. I remember.

NICA

That was the last time you saw me. Did you ever think about me after that? Did …uh, did you wonder how I was doing? What I was up to? How I was getting along? Did you think about me at all?

LOUISA

Nica — I. I mean, after Red Line happened and I got dragged into that, I had barely any time to think about myself.

NICA

You told me you were going to find who was impersonating my brother.

LOUISA

And I did. It was Michael. I mean, he wasn’t really impersonating, he was just —

NICA

But you never told me that. You didn’t share that with me. You just started hanging out with Michael.

LOUISA

You’re right. You’re right, I’m — I’m sorry.

NICA

It’s okay. It’s okay, I’m really only asking you as a way to try to explain.

After I left you that day I kinda…I kinda freaked out a bit. Kinda…broke down. I was heading towards my open mic night and I had this whole monologue planned and it was all about what I was thinking and feeling. About Leon. And about Dimitri. About that kid on the Red Line that almost died, the one the pregnant lady saved. I could have saved him. Should have saved him. But I…I didn’t. I just stood there.

And I was thinking about the monologue on the train, on the way to the Someday Cafe and then the next thing I knew, I was giving the monologue. To the commuters, to everyone. I uhh — I can’t explain it, but the Open Mic night, it… felt like too safe of a place. Too familiar. People knew — knew me. That wouldn’t do.

[Archibald MacDonald of Keppoch plays]

I felt — I felt like this ball was in my stomach. This big, heavy medicine ball wrapped in barbed wire. And it was weighing me down, cutting me up, and making me numb. And I needed people — strangers — to feel that pain. I — I needed them to. I needed to make them as uncomfortable as I felt. So I …I got in their faces, I tried to take that pain and shove it under their noses. Most of them turned up their music and stared at their phones.

So I kept doing it. I did it for weeks, Louisa, I thought maybe I was going crazy. And the more people ignored me the angrier I got. The more I hated them — the more… the more I hated myself.

Ignoring people was the whole problem. Dimitri ignored me, I ignored that poor kid on the train. I wanted to help him, I wanted nothing more but I just — I couldn’t.

And now here I was letting everyone see what was going on inside me. And nobody cared. The only thing that happened was they booted me off the trains. Wherever I went, wherever I planned to go — that same level of complete indifference. I was inconvenient to people. I was a nuisance and nobody cared. Not a single soul.

 

That’s all I wanted. And I know I could have gone to see Michael. I know I could have gone to see you, and tell you I needed help. But I shouldn’t have had to! It was SO OBVIOUS that I needed help. I made it as obvious as possible, obnoxiously obvious.

And that’s — that’s when someone finally did notice. Someone saw me, saw what I was going through and — and gave me what I really needed.

Order. Planning. And structure.

LOUISA

I — I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry I didn’t notice your pain, Nica. I think the people who did may have not said anything because they were…scared.

NICA

Yeah.

LOUISA

Who was it? Who helped you?

NICA

It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I’m responsible for The Lottery. All of the pranks, even the one that hurt your eye. It was me.

[Pause]

LOUISA

No.

NICA

Yes. I didn’t think it would hurt you, or hurt anyone. I thought it would — I thought it would force people to think a bit. Or not think, but — feel. Even if that feeling was annoyance, inconvenience, even a little bit of pain. I couldn’t understand how they could ride those trains and see people everywhere who are so clearly confused and hurting and just — ignore them. The man who noticed me, he’s a lot like Leon. He believes in planning, in order, in keeping a tight schedule. With Leon gone, I needed that. And I wanted — I wanted to do something to make people feel a bit more like I do, all the time, the way I hate to feel. So that’s what I did.

LOUISA

I’m — I’m not even sure how to process all of this. But here’s one thing I can tell you. Whoever put you up to this? He is nothing like Leon, Nica. Nothing. Leon had his quirks, he had his problems, he may have been extremely OCD even — but he would NEVER —

[Archibald ends]

NICA

[Tearful]

He’s not here! It doesn’t matter what he would have done or how he would have behaved. I know this guy isn’t Leon, but I needed someone and he was the only one who cared. He was — he was the only one who —

LOUISA

I care, Nica. Just because I didn’t look for you doesn’t mean I didn’t care. I — just didn’t know. I had no idea. I wasn’t on those trains, you weren’t in my face. I —

I — I don’t know.

Maybe you’re right. Maybe I should have known something was up with you at my place. You… didn’t seem…. But I didn’t know — I wasn’t sure if we were —

NICA

It’s okay. You’re right. I’ve been incredibly selfish. And it really only makes me hate myself more. Everything. All that I’ve done. It only adds to that. I chose to do all of this and — and that only makes it worse.

I want — I want to get well. I know I need help.

LOUISA

I think you need to tell someone other than me.

NICA

I can’t — I can’t do that yet.

LOUISA

Nica…

NICA

I mean, I think you’re right. I think I will. I — I just. Give me some time, okay?

LOUISA

Okay.

NICA

And stay with me in the meantime.

LOUISA

Okay.

NICA

And we need to help Michael.

LOUISA
O…okay.

[Hugging]

Why the lottery?

NICA

Because that’s what it felt like. When someone finally noticed. When someone finally seemed to care. Like winning the lottery.  

I.C.U

[Hospital noises — heart monitor beeps, machine hum, doctors and nurses talk in the distance etc].

CHUCK — Jeff Van Dreason

Hey — uhh, hey there Mallory. How you holding up? I know you’re not supposed to have any visitors and stuff but I know the guy working security, he used to work eye witness protection for us? And wouldn’t you know it, one of the nurses went to college with me. Go Oranges!

It uhh…sure was something else, wasn’t it? Quite the mess. So much going on I wasn’t even completely aware of it, to be honest. They always say weddings are a blur but uhh— this one. This one takes the cake.

They told me about you, though. They said you did whatever you could to …to salvage it. That you saved all those birds. Protected them.

Anyway. Andy and I are off to Honeymoon in Barcelona soon and I know it sounds cheesy, but I told him I needed to — maybe catch the later flight. Pay my respects and say thanks, you know?

[Pause]

Do you maybe wanna tell me what happened? Your side of things? You know, for old times sake?

[Pause, machine noise and beeping fades out]

MALLORY — Johanna Bodnyk

I don’t wanna talk about it.

[Archibald MacDonald plays again]

 

CREDITS

Greater Boston is written and produced by Alexander Danner and Jeff Van Dreason with recording and technical assistance from Marc Harmon.

Good news, we now have official Greater Boston merchandise. You can get Greater Boston posters illustrated by the voice of Leon Stamatis himself, Braden Lamb, or coffee mugs featuring Braden’s poster art, or Mallory’s immortal line “the Willow Lark Fucks the Scone by Moonlight.” Or Postcards featuring fan art of the Stamatis’ siblings illustrated by Grace Parker. All of that is available through our shop at greaterbostonshow.com.

In order of appearance, this episode featured:

• Alexander Danner as The Narrator (he/him)
• Braden Lamb as Leon Stamatis (he/him)
• James Capobianco as Dipshit Poletti (he/him)
• Summer Unsinn as Charlotte Linzer-Coolidge (she/her)
• Jessica Washington as Isabelle Powell (she/her)
• Lydia Anderson as Gemma Linzer-Coolidge (she/her)
• Kelly McCabe as Nica Stamatis (she/her)
• Julia Propp as Louisa Alvarez (she/her)
• Jeff Van Dreason as Chuck Octagon (he/him)
• And Johanna Bodnyk as Mallory (she/her)

Interviews with real Greater Boston Residents.

Charlie on the MTA recorded by Emily Peterson and Dirk Tiede

Drive The Cold Winter Away performed by Adrian Howard, Emily Peterson and Dirk Tiede.
Archibald MacDonald of Keppoch performed by Dirk Tiede.

Some music and sounds used from public domain and creative commons sources.

Episode transcripts are posted online at GreaterBostonShow.com and you can follow us on Twitter @inGreaterBoston

 

COOKIE

JESSICA WASHINGTON

Bacula and Montalban.

ALEXANDER DANNER

Yes.

JESSICA WASHINGTON
You guys watch weird stuff.

ALEXANDER DANNER
It’s just Star Trek!

JESSICA WASHINGTON
Yeah, that’s weird.

SUMMER UNSINN
Now the good Scott Bakula show was the one where he jumped back in time —

ALEXANDER DANNER
That was Quantum Leap —

SUMMER UNSINN
Yeah — to save people’s lives.

JESSICA WASHINGTON
…Okay.

(laughter)