Episode 33: By Hook or By Crook

COLD OPEN

 

CHUCK OCTAGON – Jeff Van Dreason
Can you think of a time when you were desperate for a specific piece of information, or had some news you were anxious about hearing?

 

INTERVIEW 1

 

Oooh, uhh, when Trump became president. I remember that. I was like…oh, the day before um I was so anxious and I was like, aheh, I don’t think this is going to happen, but you never know, and then like it happened and ….

 

[Charlie on the MTA begins to play]

CHUCK OCTAGON

 

Did you wait up to….see the results?

 

INTERVIEW 1
No, I didn’t. I was so scared. I was like, if I keep – oh my gosh, it was so bad. I was like, if I keep like wrestling and like thinking about this? I’m never going to be able to like…go to bed or anything. So…yeah. I couldn’t. I could not.

 

 

 

PREVIOUSLY IN

 

LYDIA ANDERSON

 

Previously in Greater Boston.

 

OLIVER WEST — Mike Linden

 

Welcome home, Mr. Stamatis.

 

PHILLIP WEST — Michael Melia
Can I just go to jail now?

GEMMA LINZER-COOLIDGE — Lydia Anderson
Take him away boys.

DIPSHIT POLETTI — James Capobianco
You wanna join the commune?

ISAIAH POWELL — Mario Da Rosa Jr
Well I’m not sure I’m ready to commit to that yet.

MICHAEL TATE — James Oliva
Maybe I could find other people to help through the tubes. Guide others from afar, like Leon guided me.

 

 

 

EMILY BESPIN — Sam Musher
You forget your place again, you may end up without one. Just like so many of my enemies will.

 

 

 

S3 TITLE SEQUENCE

 

Multiple Voices

 

Fields Corner
Hyde Park

 

Want it in character voice or real voice?
East Boston
Alright
Malden
Red Line
Dorchester
Salem
Somerville
West Roxbury
Hanson
Worcester
Malden
This..

 

Somerville

 

Revere
…is
Uhh…I’ve lived in Lemonster my whole life
Brighton
Uhh…I live in Milton, Massachusetts
Roslindale
(That’s where I’m from)

 

East Boston
I’m from Dorchester
This is…

 

South Boston
This is…
In Brockton

 

Medford, Massachusetts

 

[Laughter]
Red Line

 

Dorchester

 

This is…

 

This is…

 

This is…

 

Greater Boston

 

 

 

THIS WEEK

 

JEFF VAN DREASON

 

This week in Greater Boston, Episode 33: By Hook or By Crook

 

[CHARLIE on the MTA music fades out]

 

LEGION

 

[Inspiring piano-corp music]

 

VOICE 1 – Jack Pevyhouse

 

We are…

 

VOICE 2 – Tina Daniels

 

We are…

 

VOICE 3 – Christopher Dole

 

We are…

 

VOICE 4 – Cole Burkhardt

 

Looking for solutions.

 

VOICE 5 – Todd Faulkner

 

Closer than you think.

 

VOICE 6 – Alma Roda-Gil

 

Only a click away.

 

MULTIPLE VOICES – Including VOICE 1-4, with Fox Cooper and Zane Sexton

 

We are…

 

VOICE 7 – IRI ALEXANDER

 

Growing in numbers.

 

VOICE 4

 

Changing the future.

 

VOICE 8 – Alex Welch

 

Fueling your future.

 

MULTIPLE VOICES

 

We are…

 

VOICE 5

 

Directly en route.

 

VOICE 1

 

Inside your home.

 

VOICE 3

 

At your doorstep.

 

MULTIPLE VOICES

 

We are…

 

VOICE 2

 

Inside your brain.

 

VOICE 4

 

Inside your heart.

 

VOICE 5

 

Inside your soul.

 

MULTIPLE VOICES (staggered)
We are…

 

VOICE 9 — Fox Cooper
Legion.

VOICE 8
Legion.

VOICE 5
Legion.

 

ANNOUNCER — David Rheinstrom

 

A LEGION headquarters coming soon. To Red Line. All positions applying now.

 

 

 

JOKERS AND INSTRUCTIONS

 

[carnival music plays]

 

LEON STAMATIS — Braden Lamb

 

So there I was. Back in Wonderland.

 

At first, I believed this could be beneficial. Mr. Poletti had delivered me back to Oliver, my main adversary. If I was directly re-connected to him, it would be easier to listen to his scheming, which would make it easier to mount counter-measures to thwart his plans.

 

But then things started to become…complicated.

 

OLIVER — Mike Linden (shoving out of the way)

 

Don’t touch it! Direct physical contact could have adverse effects.

 

MANAGER — Rick Zieff

 

You’re telling me this silly little ball has – powers?

 

OLIVER

 

Difficult to believe, I’m sure, but it’s true. This particular crystal ball contains the spirit of a would-be employee of Third Sight Media, a Mr. Leon Stamatis, whom I convinced to aide my efforts in turning our Red Line predictions into facts, in addition to helping secure the city for us by way of supernatural spying.

 

LAWYER — Rick Zieff

 

Oh, you blackmailed a ghost!

 

OLIVER

 

Something to that effect. But one must be careful with all possessed objects, as direct contact could result in a mixture of thoughts and feelings between the natural world and the metaphysical one.

 

SALES — Rick Zieff

 

What — kind of mixture, exactly?

 

ETHAN BESPIN — Jordan Higgs

 

Perhaps we should find out. Mr. Poletti, hold out your hands, please.

 

DIPSHIT POLETTI — James Capobianco

 

Never!

 

ETHAN

 

Ohhhh, tsk, tsk. The powerless give muted commands. Cheese robots! His hands. Now.

 

[Mechanical whirring noises as the robots march over. Poletti struggles].

 

DIPSHIT

 

No — no not again!

 

OLIVER

 

Again? Of course. You’ve had contact already, which is why you were able to find us. Mr. Stamatis is able to see far and wide. My question is, how did you manage to find this ball in the first place?

 

DIPSHIT

 

I’ll tell you. I promise. It’s — it’s quite simple, really. You see, the truth is, I reached — very far. As far as I could. Straight into your rectum. And I pulled it out.

 

OLIVER

 

Aheh. Give him the ball.

 

ETHAN

 

Cheese robots, place the ball into his hands and secure it there.

 

DIPSHIT

 

No no — wait I — (the ball is placed into his hand and Dipshit instantly changes) — So the question was, now where to go? Isabelle might be able to help, but how much?

 

MANAGER

 

What is this?

 

SALES

 

Look at his face.

 

LAWYER

 

It’s like he — it’s like he’s someplace else completely. Is he channeling someone’s thoughts?

 

OLIVER

 

Quite possibly. My guess is, it’s Mr. Stamatis himself.

 

DIPSHIT

 

He needed to be there for her, commiserate her loss, not demand she do something for a person she didn’t know, a person Isaiah barely knew.

 

OLIVER

 

Hmm. Yes, an important note. You didn’t come here alone, did you Mr. Poletti? And whomever had accompanied you will soon be back with help. Now that we’ve secured Red Line, it’s time for us to set up shop there, so to speak. An opportune time to circle the wagons, address our new mayor and begin implementing our plans for Red Line.

 

MANAGER

 

This ball. I want to know its full market potential.

 

OLIVER

 

I uhh — Hmm, I’m not sure if I —

 

MANAGER

 

Bespin. Your priority should be the transit automation, but when you’re not working on that, we want you …on the ball. If we could harness that power — the power to read thoughts and minds of our customers? Of our competition?

 

OLIVER

 

Yes, but —

 

LAWYER

 

Unlock its secrets.

 

SALES

 

And we’ll handsomely compensate you for your hard work.

 

OLIVER

 

I really think that we should —

 

MANAGER

 

Both of you.

 

OLIVER

 

Very well.

 

MANAGER

 

We expect regularly submitted progress reports. We’ll be in touch. Gentleman?

 

[LEGION leaves]

 

ETHAN

 

The sky comes for us all eventually. There’s no point in trying to grow wings.

 

OLIVER
Hmm. It terrifies me that sometimes I begin to understand you.

 

ETHAN

 

And yet.

 

OLIVER

 

This location is compromised. We have secured Red Line. The choice to leave is obvious.

 

ETHAN

 

Grave voices echo vertically down through the dirt.

 

OLIVER

 

Whatever is between the two of you? You need to mend it. You both have what you want now!

 

ETHAN

 

She has what you want, not what she wants.

 

OLIVER

 

Then educate me. What is it she wants.

 

ETHAN

 

Still water which refuses to reflect the stubbornly dull stars on a clear night.

 

OLIVER

 

Okay. That one got away from me.

 

ETHAN

 

Emily wants a moment in time to last forever. And no matter what you offer her, what you give her, you can’t bring that moment back. And neither can I. [Pause]. There’s a space close to Kendall MIT that would be ideal for a lab. I could refashion it. But I need you to give me time to do my work, which means you’ll occasionally need to run interference.

 

OLIVER

 

Deal.

 

ETHAN

 

From a deck full of jokers and instructions for pinochle.

 

LEON

 

And so, Oliver and Ethan packed up the equipment and took several trips to their new lab near the Kendall / MIT stop. And days later, once they were finally done settling into their new headquarters, Oliver received a distressing phone call.

 

[Cell phone rings]

 

OLIVER

 

[Answers}

 

Ah, Phillip. Allow me to inform you that — what? [Pause]. You’re WHERE?

 

[Distorted carnival music fades]

 

 

 

MUDDY-Y WATERS

 

[Buzzer Cells opening and closing].

 

GEMMA LINZER-COOLIDGE — Lydia Anderson

 

Phil. Great to meet you. I like to get to know the fellas who are dating my friends. Do you know why? I like to weed out the creeps. You know. The type of guy who will stage an attack that temporarily blinds my friend in one eye solely so he can gain her trust to manipulate and spy on her so he can help commit terrorism and rig a city election. The usual type of creeps.

 

PHILLIP WEST — Michael Melia (imitating Harry Mudd)

 

Oh, it’s a typical police mentality. They’ve got no sense of humor, they arrested me!

 

GEMMA

 

We did. And do you know all the crimes we can connect you to?

 

LOUISA ALVAREZ — Julia Propp

 

Give it up, Gemma. He’s too smart for us. He’s not going to talk. He’s a mastermind. Besides, what we get out of his uncle will be much more valuable.

 

GEMMA

 

Good point. And I get the feeling ole’Uncle Ollie will be far more willing to sell Phil the Pill up the river.

 

LOUISA

 

I say we crack that nut instead of wasting our time …here in the… mudd.

 

PHIL (laughs)

 

Now listen, Louisa. You may be a wonderful police officer, but, believe me, you couldn’t sell fake patents to your mother.

 

LOUISA

 

I’m not a police officer. I’m a private investigator. And we get it, you’re a Star Trek character. Congratulations, you’re still in jail. Or excuse me, “the brig.”

 

[Footsteps, door closes]

 

GEMMA

 

I’m telling you he looks so goddamn familiar and I don’t know why. You sure you never showed me a picture?

 

LOUISA

 

Not that I remember.

 

GEMMA

 

Did you have any hanging up at your house?

 

LOUISA

 

We dated for like a couple months, we’re not the goddamn Waltons.

 

GEMMA

 

Well I don’t know! It’s freaking me out!

 

LOUISA

 

Let’s talk to the chess board bozo.

 

 

 

GEMMA

 

You think he knows anything?

 

LOUISA

 

Not sure, but the more we know the more leverage we have.

 

[Walking down echoey hallway, buzzer, opening large door]

 

[Blackberry Rag plays]

 

MARLO — Mike Linden

 

Finally, been sitting’ here for eternity. Will one of you tell me what I’m doing rotting in this cell? What, fellas get locked up for playing a little chess now? I barely played, mostly just waited for someone to play, that’s all. Just waiting for someone to play and deliver a message. Heck, I don’t even know how to play. I was just there on a job. Odd jobs keep the bread buttered, that’s what my old man used to tell me. He was a handyman, used to do all sorts of work in his spare time. And me? Well, I’m retired now, but I used to own a few print and copy shops. I say used to but I still own them, I just don’t do much work there anymore. Oh, I mean, I stop in from time to time, see how they’re running, like to keep everyone on their toes, I run a tight ship. I mean I don’t really run it anymore, because like I said I’m retired. But — the ship is mine. And, well, umm, they know I run a good enough ship that they like to run it. Uh-huh. Tight. And I used to run a tight enough ship that the ship is still tight so when I swing by and take a look at how tight the ship is it turns out it’s still pretty tight —

 

GEMMA

 

SHUT UP.

 

LOUISA

 

The guy who hired you. What can you tell us about him?

 

GEMMA

 

And try to keep your answers limited to half an epic tome rather than the entire volume.

 

MARLO

 

Uhh. His name is Phil.

 

LOUISA

 

Why did you take this job?

 

MARLO

 

Well, work is work, you know. And it was harmless, wasn’t it? Oh! Oh no, was I passing on secrets? I’m not involved in any spy stuff, am I? Was it one of those oppressive countries using me? Because if so I’m just a patsy. I mean I’m just a patsy either way. You know, that word doesn’t sound so good for a word that’s supposed to describe someone who’s innocent. Patsy. Bleh. It has a bad sound to it, don’t you think?

 

GEMMA

 

Sure does. How did he know to contact you in the first place?

 

MARLO

 

Said someone I’ve worked with in the past recommended me. Could be anyone of course because they all know I’m solid. Yep. That’s me. Solid and dependable. Tight ship. There’s Walter from the papers, there’s Chicken the line cook, there’s Donnie down the block, I make deliveries to the pound for him sometimes. Yeah, there’s Juanita who pays me to get her groceries, course that’s not really a job and she tries to give me gas money but I don’t take it. Oh speaking of groceries, there’s the truck guy, yeah, puttin’ food in a tube, there’s Libby from the dump, there’s Javier from the car lot —

 

LOUISA

 

Did — did you say tube?

 

LEON STAMATIS — Braden Lamb

 

Yes. Put it together.

 

MARLO

 

Yeah. The guy without a truck. He really likes Bertha. That’s the name of my truck, although he don’t like that it’s named Bertha. But he likes her just fine, likes her too much in fact. Not that I blame him because she’s s a Ford Super Duty, but I also got a Ford Taurus and —

 

GEMMA

 

The tube. Tell her about the tube.

 

MARLO

 

Uhh, well he puts food in it.

 

LEON

 

Yes. For Michael!

 

GEMMA

 

Tuna subs?

 

MARLO

 

What?

 

LEON

 

No!

 

GEMMA

 

Tuna subs. Is it Tuna Subs that he puts in the tube?

 

MARLO

 

Well I never saw what was in there, to be honest. I suppose it could be tuna. And sub rolls and whatever else you may need to make a tuna sub.

 

GEMMA

 

Celery?

 

MARLO

 

Well, come to think of it, yeah, there was a celery stalk poking out of at least one grocery bag, yeah.

 

LEON

 

No, no, this isn’t for the publisher!

 

LOUISA

 

Where was this tube?

 

MARLO

 

Some parking lot a little outside of the city. I figured it was a bank. You know some of those banks have some of those tubes?

 

GEMMA (to Louisa)

 

Third Sight has a tube in the parking lot. It’s the publisher. He’s still there, getting his tuna tubes right on cue.

 

LEON

 

No, it’s for Michael! He needs your help!

 

LOUISA

 

Who hired you for these jobs again?

 

MARLO

 

Just some guy that loves trucks.

 

LOUISA

 

Who hired him?

 

MARLO

 

No idea.

 

LOUISA

 

And someone you work with recommend you to Phil.

 

MARLO

 

Far as I understand it.

 

[Pause]

 

GEMMA

 

Excuse us a minute.

 

MARLO

 

Hey, how long are you gonna leave a fella in— [door slams]

 

[Footsteps]

 

LOUISA

 

Do you really think he’s just hanging out upstairs still?

 

GEMMA

 

The Newton Police checked the place out and came up with nothing. But I never knew where the guy was and I worked there for decades.

 

LOUISA

 

Is it possible he wasn’t in the building? Those tubes with the Klingon notes were all over the city.

 

GEMMA

 

I don’t think the—what are you doing here?

 

NICA STAMATIS — Kelly McCabe

 

I’m — I’m shutting you guys down.

 

GEMMA

 

Get out of here!

 

NICA

 

I’ve been told to act as Phil’s representative and to ensure nobody speak to him until he’s had a chance to talk to his lawyer.

 

GEMMA

 

Uh-huh. And who asked you to do that?

 

NICA

 

Who do you think?

 

GEMMA

 

Well let me remind you that you’re not a lawyer and you can remind Emily Bedpan that she’s not the mayor yet.

 

LOUISA

 

Okay, okay. Take it easy. Deep breaths. Nica, have you heard anything on your end?

 

NICA

 

There’s a meeting later that seems super shady. Other than that, it’s been quiet. Emily’s been…writing something though. And laughing a lot while doing so.

 

GEMMA

 

Well that can’t be good.

 

LOUISA

 

Can you try to get into that meeting?

 

NICA

 

I’ll do my best. It would help if you guys would cooperate with me here. And if I could throw them a bone about how much useable information you got from Phil.

 

GEMMA

 

Whoa, whoa, hold on, all of this is going way too fast.

 

LOUISA

 

Gemma…

 

GEMMA

 

How much do you really trust her? What makes you think she’s not going to go to them and spill her guts?

 

NICA

 

I am. That’s the whole point.

 

GEMMA

 

To what end?

 

NICA

 

To the end that they trust me and give me enough information to help put them away.

 

GEMMA

 

Well excuse me, but we’ve been playing this Boris and Natasha game for months now and all you’ve given us is Bullwinkle.

 

LOUISA

 

Come on, that’s not true, she’s given us records, she’s given us information on the robots—

 

[Farewell to Nigg plays]

 

GEMMA

 

It’s not enough! None of it! Bespin wins, dickwad Phil might walk. And I’m just supposed to give up? Just trust you? After what you did? You know my son — my infant son — could have been killed. Right?

 

NICA

 

I’m — I’m sorry.

 

GEMMA

 

I gotta take a walk.

 

NICA

 

She’s right.

 

LOUISA

 

No. Come here. (They hug) It’s okay. She’s — she’s upset. For a lot of reasons. She was dealing with some things even before the election. And after? Well… we’re all on edge after. Listen to me. I trust you. I know you’re trying. Okay?

 

NICA

 

Okay. Okay.

 

LOUISA

 

Let me fill you in on Mr. Phil.

 

[Farewell to Nigg fades]

 

CHUCK OCTAGON — Jeff Van Dreason

 

Can you think of a time when you were desperate for a specific piece of information or had news you were anxious about hearing?

INTERVIEW 2
Every day of my life. (laughs). Umm. I’m anxious…a lot of the time.

INTERVIEW 3
Uhh, that happens almost every day. I’m really nosy. Especially when my family is talking about things. Like between her and her sisters, I just peak my head in the door and say, ‘oh hey, what’s going on?’ So that’s an everyday thing for me. (laughs).

CHUCK
Okay!

INTERVIEW 4
I don’t wanna specify, but couple years back there was some legal issues going on with my family. And they took about three months to get back with the decision. When they finally did, I was all but a little ball of anxiety and nervousness. It was in our favor, it was in our favor.

 

CHUCK
That’s good.

INTERVIEW 4
So that relieved the weight. But I wish it hadn’t taken so long to finally inform us that they made the decision.

INTERVIEW 5
Well, getting my GED. Yeah. Finding out what my grades was gonna be. That definitely motivated me, I was definitely anxious to find out.

INTERVIEW 6
Sometimes I — I fear for my own life. Um, I one of those people that gets scared. Like, I would try to look up the news of – to see if there was terrorism in Europe or something before uhh, before we traveled somewhere? Or we’d go to Japan, I’d see like how – like how often they have earthquakes.

INTERVIEW 7
The job I have now, I applied for it when I was still in school. And they’re like, oh we’ll get back to you in two weeks, two weeks was going by and I was like, oh my gosh. Did I get the job back, did I not?

INTERVIEW 8
Yeah. I definitely need information from my colleagues regularly. And don’t always get it when I need it.

INTERVIEW 9
My diretor, and like my boss, is a photographer. And one time he was telling me stories how he traveled to Costa Rica. He took this really, really great photo, I was like please tell me how you took this photo. He — he just didn’t have the time to tell me at the moment.

INTERVIEW 6
I’m very self aware, I guess umm. In a way it could be healthy for you, because it’s good, it’s a good thing that you’re aware of your surroundings and – and know what place is dangerous and what place isn’t dangerous.

INTERVIEW 9
He left a key detail and I was like. WHAT? What, what, I wanna hear it! I wanna hear it, so I – I pursued him for like three days and he finally told me the part I wanted to know and I was like (clap). Thank you.

 

 

 

DISPERSION OVER GENTLE GROUND

 

[City traffic noise]

LEON STAMATIS — Braden Lamb

 

Isaiah read about his aunt’s loss to Emily Bespin on his phone shortly after escaping from Wonderland. He knew she needed him. She needed encouragement. She needed some tea. She needed a hug.

 

He needed to say he was sorry.

 

But he also needed to do something else first. Leaving Dipshit behind hadn’t been easy, especially since they were so close to the man who had framed Isaiah and Isaiah had been so close to finally putting his fist in his face. But those robots were…weird. And frightening enough to take Dipshit’s pleas to flea seriously. He swore he would return to rescue Dipshit, but he needed reinforcements. So he set out to find the commune.

 

It took some time. Dipshit hadn’t given him the address in the note he’d passed at Shawmut, just vaguely referencing a spot in Brookline; a large building, an abandoned school adjacent to a large garden and a modest gallery, across from a Speedway and a CitiBank. After searching the entire day, Isaiah reluctantly retreated to his apartment. The second day went the same way. Isabelle called with an invite to a Star Trek convention on the morning of day 3. Isaiah considered it. He knew it would make her feel better. But he wanted to give himself one more day to find the commune and see if they could help.

 

ISABELLE POWELL — Jessica Washington

 

Help with what?

 

ISAIAH POWELL — Mario da Rosa Jr

 

Don’t worry about it, Aunt Izzy. I’ll see you tonight.

 

LEON

 

And finally, in the early evening of Day 3, he found the commune. Completely shuttered, boarded-up and littered with eviction notices like Post-It notes over a busy desk or pictures of children on a family fridge.

 

ISAIAH

 

They evicted them all? Already?

 

LEON

 

So the question was, now where? Isabelle might be able to help, but how much? He needed to be there for her, commiserate her loss, not demand she do something for a person she didn’t know, a person Isaiah barely knew. Especially a person named Dipshit. He thought about breaking down the boarded up door to see if he could find of a trace of a commune, but figured it would be a bad look for someone freshly exonerated.

 

[Thunder / traffic overhead and horns honking]

 

So once again, he wandered, this time vaguely in the direction home. He walked until his feet hurt and his soles felt worn to the ground, until a thunderstorm broke out, fierce rain forcing him to hide in an underpass, listening to the rhythmic hum of traffic above him, counting the number of angry Masshole horn blasts. He thought about how strange it was to possess such a strong sense of urgency and feel completely directionless at the same time.

 

And then?

 

[Pneumatic tube noise / splash]

 

LEON

 

Michael? That must mean you’re still okay!

 

ISAIAH (simultaneously)

 

Ahh! Wait — is that another one of those tubes? What, are they following me?

 

LEON

 

Isaiah opened the tube and read.

 

ISAIAH / MICHAEL TATE — James Oliva

 

•  

Dispersion.

 

Success.

 

The king approaches his temple.

 

It furthers one to cross the great water.

 

Perseverance furthers.

 

[Ambient music plays]

 

ISAIAH

 

What….the…

 

[Another tube arrives.]
Yeah, sure, why not? [Opens tube].

 

ISAIAH / MICHAEL

 

•  

The gentle.

 

Success through what is small.

 

It furthers one to have somewhere to go.

 

It furthers one to see the great woman.

 

ISAIAH

 

Seriously? Who *are* you?

 

[Another tube. Isaiah opens it.]

 

(Reads) A friend.

 

It’s strange. But I know what this means. I’ve been making excuses about seeing her. Because of how I acted last time we were together. I don’t think I was wrong exactly. Not what I was saying, maybe just how I said it.

 

Time to cross the great water. Approach my temple. See the great woman. Success through what is small.

 

[Thunder / traffic fades out, Red Line train fades in]

 

LEON

 

And so, Isaiah went straight to Isabelle’s Red Line apartment just as she was getting home from the Star Trek convention, all decked out in full Geordi LaForge. He told her everything. About Dipshit. About the commune. About Wonderland. Even about the notes in the tube.

 

ISAIAH

 

What do you think they mean?

 

ISABELLE

 

What did it mean to you?

 

ISAIAH

 

To not give up, but to recognize where you went wrong. Go back to it. Make amends.

 

ISABELLE

 

Mmm. It furthers one to cross the great waters.

 

ISAIAH

 

It furthers one to have someplace to go.

 

LEON

 

Isabelle told Isaiah that Phil, the man who had framed him, had been arrested. Then, they talked. They laughed. They cried. And together, they came up with a plan.

 

ISABELLE (over phone)

 

Hi, Charlotte? It’s Isabelle. I don’t know how else to say this so I’m just gonna come right out and say it. Me and Isaiah need your help.

 

 

 

ROLLED COINS, WRITTEN TUBES

 

[Pig’s Feet / Michael’s Theme plays]

 

MICHAEL TATE – James Oliva

 

I have no idea if my Klingon note worked, but man did it feel good sending them. So I figure I could do more of the same. Except not exactly in the same fashion, maybe something a little more…organized. The Klingon tubes were sent all at once in a rush, too quickly to figure out which tube lead to which screen. So I play a little game of trial and error. At night, when people aren’t likely to be freaked out by a tube appearing out of nowhere, I fire one off to map where it ends up on the closed-circuit screens.

 

[Drums mix with Pig’s Feet through Michael’s monologue, some ambient music]

 

Remarkably, most of the tubes are picked up and thrown out in the span of 48 hours by garbagemen or good samaritans. Some people open them and are promptly disappointed there’s nothing inside. Some people send the tubes back after discovering where they shoot out from, which I appreciate, honestly. I have a lot of tubes in here, but not an infinite supply. Every single person who sends them back gives a delightful, shocked little jump as it shoots out of their hands. It freaks them out, but they can’t believe it works at the same time. Heh.

 

I map out my results with masking tape and a felt pen. Tube to close-circuit TV screen. And then I wait. And watch. Not a lot happens. Most people just pass by. These locations are odd, the type of places you usually avoid. Dark alleys sandwiched between buildings, corners with dumpsters and rats. Some are bus spots, some underpasses.

 

Speaking of underpasses. There’s this kid sitting under one, getting shelter from the rain, cats and dogs. He looks…he looks a little hopeless, a little lost.

 

And…wait. I know him. He’s the kid who was here with Dipshit. He’s the kid who was here with Dipshit…

 

I realize …this is it. This is the moment. This is why I mapped all these tubes out. But I don’t know what to say to him. I don’t know how to help him. How can I help him if I don’t know what’s wrong?

 

[Thunder blasts]

 

Thunder…thunder over thunder.

 

When I was near my lowest, I played the I-Ching. I thought it was Leon giving me advice, and in some ways, maybe it was. But whatever it was, it gave me hope and direction. Maybe it can do the same for this kid. Maybe it’ll help. It’s worth a shot, isn’t it?

 

[Pig’s feet / other music ends, rain and thunder continues]

 

I roll my coins. Write my notes. Fire my tubes. The kid’s clearly confused. I write down the explanation of his judgements. But then he’s — gone? Maybe it worked? Maybe it freaked him out? Who knows. Hopefully he’s okay.

 

I get a snack but — man, there hasn’t been a grocery delivery in a while. Nothing to eat but some celery.

 

[Crunchy bite. Michael chewing]

 

Better than nothing, I guess. I dunno. I’m sure there will be more food coming soon.

 

 

 

FACE TIME

 

[Red Line train pulls into a station. Red Line doors]

 

CHARLOTTE LINZER-COOLIDGE — Summer Unsinn

 

Hi there. Is she busy? Who am I kidding, of course she is. Still, I wonder if —

 

NICA STAMATIS — Kelly McCabe

 

You!

 

CHARLOTTE

 

Yes, me, I know I’m unannounced. But — but honestly, I’m a bit surprised she hasn’t — well, that none of you reached out to me? There’s some transitionary work I’d really like to discuss and —

 

NICA

 

I don’t think that’s a good idea.

 

CHARLOTTE

 

Look, I know there’s no love loss between our two camps, but there’s an entire city at stake, and I simply want to make sure that —

 

NICA

 

Mrs. Bespin is about to entertain some very important …businessmen. She simply doesn’t have the time at the moment, I’m sorry.

 

CHARLOTTE

 

Of course she doesn’t. Is there anything I can tell you, then? While I’m waiting for the next stop?

 

NICA

 

No. I think we’ll just need to figure it out as we go.

 

CHARLOTTE

 

Of course you will.

 

NICA

 

I — I will say…I — I watched you, once. At Park Street. In person.

 

CHARLOTTE

 

Watched me?

 

NICA

 

I mean, ugh, I’m sorry. I saw what you did. I saw you save that college kid. Lift him over the tracks. I was there. I was — well. I guess you could say I was…inspired.

 

CHARLOTTE

 

Great. I inspired you to work for Emily.

 

NICA

 

Not exactly, no.

 

[Charlotte’s phone rings]

 

CHARLOTTE

 

Excuse me, it’s someone who might actually give a damn. (Answers phone). Isabelle? Of course, how can I help?

 

[Red Line train arrives. Door sound and Emily steps on]

 

EMILY BESPIN – Sam Musher

 

What the hell is this has-been doing here, Nica?

 

CHARLOTTE

 

Leaving.

 

EMILY

 

Tell me, Charlotte. Did you participate in Powell’s futile little boycott?

 

CHARLOTTE

 

I didn’t, but I wish I had.

 

EMILY

 

As do I.

 

CHARLOTTE (exiting)

 

Good luck, Nica!

 

NICA

 

I’m sorry, she came unannounced. Said she wanted to talk to you about the transition.

 

EMILY

 

Ugh. As if we need her help. Is everyone ready?

 

NICA

 

Uhh, everyone….is in the next car.

 

EMILY

 

Have they been properly refreshed?

 

NICA

 

I …believe so.

 

EMILY

 

Well. How does my hair look.

 

NICA

 

Uhh. Properly…refreshed?

 

EMILY

 

Don’t be smart, Nica. You’re addressing your new mayor. Mmm, I’m going to give myself a once over in the powder room over before I join. Check on them and make sure they’re comfortable.

 

NICA

 

Of course, Emily.

 

[NICA enters the next car]

 

NICA

 

She’s going to be furious when she finds out Ethan’s not here.

 

OLIVER WEST – Mike Linden

 

Not as furious as I am that you’re here. What exactly do you think you’re doing, Nica?

 

NICA

 

Continuing our work, no thanks to you.

 

OLIVER

 

Last I heard, you were getting a severe case of cold feet. Philip told me you were attempting to disarm —

 

NICA

 

Your moronic molasses bomb that scalded a poor woman and hurt a dozen others? Yeah, I was. You’re welcome for that. Except, whoops, never mind, your nincompoop nephew went through with your plan, even after you lied and said it’d been called off. That was too far, Oliver, and you know it.

 

OLIVER

 

Regrettable, no doubt. And after it happened I —

 

NICA

 

Ran away rather than face the consequences?

 

OLIVER

 

Managed from afar is how I’d put it. Now, if you please. What news do you have of Philip?

 

NICA

 

They got him on fingerprints – for the molasses bomb, for the framing of Isaiah Powell, all of it. He’s not talking and didn’t give up any information anyway, but they also brought in an accomplice who was talking about being hired for another job possibly related to Phil. Something about food in tubes?

 

OLIVER

 

What? That’s ridiculous and doesn’t sound connected to Philip or myself in the slightest.

 

NICA

 

Well the RLPD made a connection with your favorite meal and how you prefer to have it delivered.

 

OLIVER

 

Tuna subs? Ahh, yes. Gemma Linzer-Coolidge works there now, yes?

 

NICA

 

I don’t know any of their names.

 

OLIVER

 

She was a subordinate of mine, once upon a time. But I haven’t the foggiest about Phil being involved with food or tubes. And even if he was, what’s the crime?

 

NICA

 

It sounds like it’s the only lead they have.

 

OLIVER

 

Lead? To what?

 

 

 

NICA

 

To you. They’re trying to get information out of him connected to you.

 

OLIVER

 

I see. Well, we won’t give him the chance. Philip’s lawyer will have arrived by now. He’ll sit quiet until his trial, where I’m sure Emily can use her freshly instituted mayoral powers to ensure he’s acquitted of all charges.

 

[Emily enters the car]

 

OLIVER

 

Ah, Emily. We were just discussing you. I’m hoping you’d be willing to use your influence to ensure Phillip’s delivery into innocence?

 

EMILY

 

Where’s Ethan?

 

OLIVER

 

Ah, yes. Well — uhh. (Pause). Nica, could you excuse us for a minute? This is a sensitive matter.

 

EMILY

 

She can stay and you can tell me where my husband is.

 

OLIVER

 

There are some things better discussed privately. Between…upper management. Don’t you think?

 

NICA

 

It’s fine, Emily. The sooner I go, the sooner you’ll learn what you need to know.

 

[Nica steps into the other car. Takes a moment. Presses the intercom button to listen into other room].

 

OLIVER (through intercom)

 

— and it’s very important he continue his work, so he’s setting up his new lab near the Kendall / MIT Train station.

 

EMILY

 

I need him here with me.

 

OLIVER

 

And he needs to complete his work in order for all the moving parts of our plan to successfully come together.

 

EMILY

 

Constantly? He needs to constantly work at that blasted lab?

 

OLIVER

 

I know this isn’t ideal, but I promise you he’ll come for you soon. Once his work is complete, our plan will be finished! You two can celebrate! But you also need to keep in mind that our mutual benefactors are putting him under a lot of pressure.

 

EMILY

 

I demand that he come and see me immediately. And I demand that you relay that information to him.

 

OLIVER

 

Emily. I recognize someone who is so caught up in their work they neglect their family obligations. And I recognize the damage that can cause. Let me propose this. We needed to leave Wonderland because we had an intruder. A former colleague of mine, a Mr…Poletti. He was spying on us, undoubtedly to aide our enemies. And now he’s currently with Ethan, so what I propose is —

 

EMILY

 

Ethan isn’t some prison guard.

 

OLIVER

 

No, of course not, and if you’ll let me finish? I’ll go relieve Ethan of his current obligations and send him to you before the night is over. As long as we’re clear about our plans regarding Philip, yes?

 

EMILY

 

That depends, doesn’t it? The clock is ticking and my sweet Little Debbie Zebra Cake boo-boo bear Ethan is nowhere in sight.

 

OLIVER

 

Mmm. One last thing. Be wary of trusting Nica. She may seem loyal but —

 

[Nica’s cell phone buzzes, she lets go of the button]

 

NICA

 

Shit. (Answers) Hello?

 

LOUISA

 

Hey, it’s Louisa. Just checking in if you’ve heard anything.

 

NICA

 

I gotta be fast and quiet. Oliver was holed up at Wonderland with Bespin’s husband. They had a lab there but —

 

LOUISA

 

We’re, we’re there, following up on another lead we got from the Powell’s. It’s all cleared out.

 

NICA

 

Because they knew the location was compromised, but Ethan’s setting up a new shop near Kendall. And he has a prisoner.

 

LOUISA

 

Let me guess. Dipshit Poletti?

 

NICA

 

Bingo. And there’s something else, but — [Train car door opens and NICA quickly hangs up] Have a wonderful afternoon, Mr. West.

 

OLIVER

 

I’m watching you, Nica Stamatis. We all are.

 

[Red Line door, Oliver steps outside. Emily comes on the intercom].

 

 

 

THE EVICTION PROCLAMATION

 

EMILY

 

Citizens of Red Line, in a manner of hours I’ll officially become your new mayor, and I thank you for being sensible enough to place your trust in me.

 

As you know, I promised a new Red Line, one filled with order and laws which are actually enforced. Living here, you should have certain expectations. You should come home and find your husband waiting for you. Or your wife, I suppose. Not some stranger. Not some dirty rando trying to get to their dirty rando job.

 

Some people disagreed with us, but we showed them, didn’t we? Yes, those people disagreed with us so much that they resorted to terrorist tactics to try and send us a message, locking up doors and driving Red Line into chaos. But we didn’t listen. We put our faith in democracy. And democracy has showed them all.

 

And now we’re going to show them something else. We’re going to show them the door.

 

[Tam Lin Set plays]

 

My first duty as mayor will be the pass the following proclamation.

 

Anyone who participated in the Red Line boycott is in violation of their Red Line rail-home contract. Anyone who followed Isabelle Powell and resorted to economic terrorism and locked people out of their commute-ity rail homes are nothing but law breaking criminals. This contract violation will not be tolerated. The offending parties have fifteen days to find new residences. They’re all being evicted. No exceptions, no excuses.

 

NICA

 

Oh, no.

 

EMILY

 

I’m sure you’re as excited about these plans as I am.

 

No more criminals, no more bad guys, no more pathetic parasites clinging to our success. We’re putting law abiding Red Line citizens first. Welcome…to your new Red Line!

 

 

 

CREDITS
Greater Boston is written and produced by Alexander Danner and Jeff Van Dreason, with recording and technical assistance from Marck Harmon.

 

Hey, do you dig our show? Great! Please consider leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts, or one of the other podcast apps. Or write it in the sand. Right it in a paper airplane and shoot it at the moon. Write it down on paper, stuff it in a bottle and throw it in the ocean. Is that considered pollution? If it is, don’t do that. Unless it’s a really great review.

 

Huge thank you to supporters Bridge and Rasmus! You to can support us on Patreon at GreaterBoston.Patreon.com!

 

This episode featured:

 

• Braden Lamb as Leon Stamatis (he/him)
• Mike Linden as Oliver West (he/him) and Marlo (he/him)
• Jordan Higgs as Ethan Bespin (he/him)
• Rick Zieff as Manager, Sales, and Lawyer (he/him)
• James Capobianco as Dipshit Poletti (he/him)
• Lydia Anderson as Gemma Linzer-Colidge (she/her)
• Michael Melia as Phillip West (he/him)
• Julia Propp as Louisa Alvarez (she/her)
• Kelly McCabe as Nica Stamatis (she/her)
• Mario Da Rosa Jr as Isaiah Powell (he/him)
• Jessica Washington as Isabelle Powell (she/her)
• James Oliva as Michael Tate (he/him)
• Summer Unsinn as Charlotte Linzer-Coolidge (she/her)
• And Sam Musher as Emily Bespin (she/her)

Also Featuring:
David Rheinstrom as the Legion Announcer

 

And

 

• Iri Alexander
• Cole Burkhardt
• Fox Cooper
• Tina Daniels
• Christopher Dole
• Todd Faulkner
• Jack Pevyhouse
• Alma Roda-Gil
• Zane Sexton
• Alex Welch

as LEGION.

 

So many wonderful friends with wonderful audio dramas included here, like Forrest Guide, Arden, Uncanny County, Jim Robbie and the Wanderers, Radio Drama Revival, and more. (sigh). Isn’t audio fiction the best?

 

Charlie on the MTA by Emily Peterson and Dirk Tiede. Blackberry Rag, Farewell to Nigg, and Tam Lin set by Adrienne Howard, Emily Petersen, and Dirk Tiede.

Drums by Jim Johanson.

Transcripts available at GreaterBostonShow.com

 

COOKIE

MIKE LINDEN (as GUY)
So there I was, back in Wonderland — oh, wrong character.

 

[Laughter from Jordan Higgs]

 

JEFF VAN DREASON (as MARLO)

 

Hey, what am I doing here back in Wonderland?

MIKE LINDEN (as Marlo)
Ah, there I was, right back in Wonderland.

 

JORDAN HIGGS
Right back in your phone.

(laughter)

 

JEFF VAN DREASON
Still Dipshit Poletti.

JAMES CAPOBIANCO and later MIKE LINDEN (singing)
Still Dipshit after all these years….I’M….

[Jeff Van Dreason and Jordan Higgs laughing]

JAMES CAPOBIANCO (singing)
…still Dipshit….

 

KELLY MCCABE
I was cracking up thinking about the squirrel that whole time. I’m so sorry!

[Loud laughter.]