Episode 45: Admission Fees

COLD OPEN

Chuck Octagon—Jeff Van Dreason
Have you ever accidentally found out about information you weren’t supposed to know about, and if so, are you comfortable talking about it?

 

Interview 1

A lot. Um, the most recent I think over the past couple of months we’ve been in couple’s therapy just sort of as a tune-up more than anything. I’m on disability now, I broke my back, and I also, uh, I effectively died in childbirth when we had our third kid. So I’ve had major personality changes. So there’s been a degree of figuring each other out and realizing I’m not the person he married, and of course, he’s just as well. So in therapy, our first session, we’re each talking with the therapist and sort of getting to know each other, and the therapist kind of mentions to me—she says to me, “you know you’re on disability?” and I’m like, yeah, I’ve noticed, thank you. And she’s like, no, no, that means you’re a protected class. So, you know, like, children and elders are protected classes for abuse, so are people with disabilities. So, you have a higher level of protection in concepts such as consent and such as, you know, both physical and also spoken consent. Those are more sensitive for you than for other people. And I was gobsmacked. And I really had to work through the process of admitting that, of saying out loud and realizing, yeah, it’s not just a handicap tag in my car, this is what I am. And that was really hard.


PREVIOUSLY IN

Kelly McCabe
Previously, in Greater Boston:

Gemma Linzer-Coolidge—Lydia Anderson
Have you thought anymore about… meeting Phil? Bring Michael!

Leon Stamatis—Braden Lamb
Help me reunite my family.

 

Gemma
Not until you help me with Red Line. Deal?

Leon
I believe it is. 

 

Isabelle Powell —Jessica Washington
I think I’m good with community representative, if it’s all the same. 

 

SEASON 4 TITLE SEQUENCE

Braintree
(Arlington)
Peabody
Third-Sight Media

Lowell
(alright)
Jamaica Plain
Uhhh… I’ve lived in Lemonster my whole life.
The Underground
Wellesley
(Worcester) 

Hanson
Mattapan Trolley Line
(I can’t say that one without a Boston accent, it’s just impossible)
Guy’s Food Truck
Arlington
Framingham
Newton
Lowell
Red Line

Uhh, I’m from Somerville
Roslindale
Former Headquarters of Filene’s Basement
Worcester
Andover
Now you can tell everybody
Medford 

(laughter)
That this is my truck
Dorchester
This is…

This is…
This is…
Greater Boston

 

[“Charlie” fades out slowly.]

 

Alexander Danner
This week in Greater Boston, Episode 42: Wonderbug. 

 

The Wheel

 

[People are working, distant discussion, hammering, setting things up. Outdoor noises. Peaceful but busy]

 

Isabelle Powell—Jessica Washington

Well, well, well. This almost looks like a real ferris wheel with the cheese wedge side-paneling torn off. 

 

Melissa Weatherby—Tanja Miloevic

We still need to paint it a color other than orange, but — 

 

Isabelle

The orange doesn’t bother me. I like that the carriages are covered. The open-air ones….

 

Melissa

Of course.

 

Isabelle

Think you could operate it for me?

 

Melissa

Uh, sure. Do you want company? I could ask Lily of the Valley to start early. 

 

Isabelle

No, thank you. And stop at the top, if you please. I want to survey our reopening plans. It gives me a good feeling, seeing it from the ground. I’d like to find out what it feels like to see it on high. 

 

Melissa

You got it. 

 

[Isabelle gets in a carriage and swings the door open. Melissa pulls a lever and the old cheese wedge ferris wheel slowly spins. Isabelle takes out an envelope.]

 

Isabelle [narrating]

Oh, Isaiah. I spend so long fretting about not getting a letter, and once I do, I don’t know why I take so long to open them. It’s not like I’m worried about what’s inside. Not really. Not getting anything would make me worry. If you find yourself in trouble, it’s not like you’re going to have time to dash off a letter in a tube to your dear old auntie setting up some kinda wild bazaar inside an oldy, moldy cheese park. It’s that once I open one, I have to wait all the longer for the next. And as I get on in my years, my patience heads in the other direction. Well. Nearing the top. No more excuses. Here we go.

 

[Isabelle tears open the envelope and takes out a letter.]

 

Isaiah Powell—Mario da Rosa Jr.

Dear Aunt Eye,

 

I realize it’s been a while since I’ve written. It’s been busy here. Warsaw—you know, your old friend G? She has a new inside source that’s been running us ragged. I don’t know where this guy gets his information, but it’s like he’s got a crystal ball or something. Warsaw sends reports about red-ugees needing help and it’s like up to date information, almost as if she’s somehow hard wired directly into the trains. It’s downright creepy. But we’re getting the job done better than before, and that’s all that matters. Sneaking people into work like mad. And you’ve probably noticed the influx of new folks  coming down the rabbit hole. Busted ex red-ugees looking for a home. I hope you don’t mind, but I’m sure you’ll find ways to keep them busy. 

 

There’s something I’ve been thinking about recently. That talk we had after I got out of jail, and you were saying we have to keep fighting. There’s been a few times—a few opportunities—when we’ve had the chance to really fight back. Not just in a metaphorical sense. No, beyond that. Hurting Red Line where it counts. Grinding the whole city to a halt. Disrupting restaurants, schools, public parks, commutes. Beyond that even. We’ve had opportunity to—well? Confront our enemies more directly. Force them into uncomfortable situations. And I just don’t know what’s right. They wouldn’t hesitate to do that to me. And they’re wrong—we both know they’re wrong in just about everything they do, just about everything they believe. And so are the people who follow them, who listen to them, who believe in them. No matter what they think, they’re wrong. And the ugly side of wrong. The kind that looks like evil.

 

Seeing evil and calling it out for what it is? That’s easy. So why is it so hard to fight back, literally, fight back, when you know something is wrong? I know you’d say we shouldn’t be violent. For lots of reasons. We’re above that, you’d say. We can’t stoop to their level. And I get that. But where is the line? When does non-violence turn into complacency? When is it nothing but just spinning our wheels?

 

I think I know what you’d say. You’d say—the fact that you’re asking these questions is what separates us from them. But that’s only half an answer because it doesn’t tell me what to do. All I know is what I feel like doing. I feel like putting evil in its place. And I don’t know what stops me sometimes. Maybe it’s you, Aunt Eye. Maybe it’s something else. But I wish I was certain about what was right. But it   certainly feels like a luxury for people who are frequently wrong, huh?

 

Try not to worry about me. I’ll send my next tube sooner. I promise I’ll find where that line is and get comfortable with it. 

 

With love,

Huey

 

[Ferris wheel stops with a jerk.]

 

Isabelle

I’m at the top, and Melissa pauses the ride so I can look out among the swarming crowds of Wonderland residents gearing up for our grand reopening. New red-ugees arriving, just like Isaiah said they would. Some stop at that food truck we just can’t seem to shake. Not ashamed to admit I tried that strange man’s hamburger. Best I’ve had in years.

 

[Pause.]

 

Why doesn’t this feel like home? Why doesn’t it feel like my place? There’s good people here. A good plan. We’re doing our best, doing good work. But no matter how I try, I just don’t feel like I’m doing enough. Is it because I’m worried about you? Still worried about Red Line, even though the best of that city left with us? 

 

[Ferris wheel resumes, faster on the descent.]

 

Or is it because I’m so busy looking for a place to land I’ve forgotten how to fly? Hmm. 

 

[Ferris wheel stops, Melissa pulls the lever, hydraulics release. Melissa helps Isabelle out of her carriage.] 

 

Isabelle

Thanks for pausing at the top.

 

Melissa

How was the view?

 

Isabelle

It helped me see some things clearer. [Pause.] The place is looking great. Mr. Stamatis had a good idea, didn’t he? How much are we planning to charge people for admission?

 

Melissa

Not much. A lot of the rides still won’t be operational. Mostly what we have set up are vendors selling their food, art and wares. I think we decided on a five dollar suggested donation for unlimited rides and games though. 

 

Isabelle

Do you remember what our plan was for Red Line should we win? The main goal?

 

Melissa

Yes. Make the city free. To live in. To commute in. Whatever you need. You contribute what you can, add to the city, the city is yours. 

 

Isabelle

Maybe we should follow our own advice. 

 

Melissa

The suggested donation will barely cover our insurance costs for the ride. Isabelle, I’m all for share and share alike for Wonderland residents. But people who don’t live here? What else do we have to offer? 

 

Isabelle

Something different. That’s all we have to offer. And if they like that something different, they might contribute to it. No different here than on the rails. 

 

Melissa

I’ll discuss it with that committee after our interview with that vet. 

 

Isabelle

Right, that’s starting soon. I’ll meet you there. 

 

Lobbing the Tone

 

[Braintree station—sound of baseball practice—batting practice, balls in gloves, etc.]

 

Bruce Bosley—Kenny Fuentes

So as they say, that’s the whole ballgame, Mayor Bespin. What do you think of your new stadium? 

 

Emily Bespin—Sam Musher

Are you sure we can’t add the extra set of bleachers? 

 

Bruce

Uhh—I mean, that wasn’t my decision. I’m pretty sure the inspector said he thought there was a 37% chance they would topple over and fall into the freeway. 

 

Emily

That’s code. He wants thirty-seven thousand dollars to look the other way. I’ll see to it. Despite this so-called field being nothing but a square pile of dirt, our ticket sales have skyrocketed since the start of your season. 

 

Bruce

As have your approval ratings.

 

Emily

Don’t try to sound smart, Bruce. Stay in your dighole where you belong. 

 

Bruce

Dugout. 

 

Emily

For the sold out game next weekend. You’re playing your enemy team, correct?

 

Bruce

The sold out game is an exhibition game with the Red Sox. Our… enemy team? Rivals? That’s with the Portsmouth Field Hens the week after. Not sold out yet but looking likely. 

 

Emily

And who have you in mind to lob the first tone or whatever ceremonial silliness — 

 

Bruce

The first pitch. Right. I asked the team about that. We’re considering Representative Rollins, Council Member Wu. Senator Edwards.

 

Emily

Myself, of course. 

 

Bruce

Well, not to step out of my… dighole where I don’t belong, but, uhh, you don’t strike me as a baseball fan. No pun intended. 

 

Emily

I see. Yes, well. It’s impossible. I have a legal matter I must attend to at the same time. 

 

Bruce

Well, that is unfortunate. 

 

Emily

That said, I am the Mayor, am I not?

 

Bruce

Last I checked.

 

Emily

I may be able to pull some strings. Should I accept, I trust the dirty part will be seeded and green by the time I return?

 

Bruce

Uh—the pitcher’s mound is meant to be made of dirt, Mayor Bespin. The whole infield is. 

 

Emily

Ugh. No wonder these porcine normies love this filthy sport. I will consider it and have my people let you know. 

 

Bruce

Um. Well. Have a good afternoon, Mayor Bespin. Here we are back at your Rail Home. And, uhh—Oh. Oh dear. 

 

Emily

I must say, this station smells worse than usual. What are those unseemly fumes? Is that—is that?

 

Philip West—Michael Melia

It’s spray paint. Someone dressed all in black marked your rail home not long after you arrived for your tour. I chased them for a bit but… wow. They were fast. 

 

Emily

“Free Transit Now”. Phhuh. Is that honestly the best they have to offer? Pathetic. 

 

Phil

I’m really sorry, Mayor Bespin. 

 

Emily

What’s the status of your investigation, constable? 

 

Phil

Uhh…

 

Emily

Leads? Clues? 

 

Phil

I found a can of spray paint in the trash in one of the locker rooms?

 

Emily

And have you cleaned it for finger impressions or what-have-you?

 

Bruce

Uhh, dusted it? For prints?

 

Phil

Oh, yeah, that probably would have been a good thing to do. You know. Before I. Picked it up. It’s in my back pocket but I did kinda have to like… put it there. Anyway, I called a cleaning crew. We’ll hold here until they can wipe off the graffiti and—

 

Emily

What? And disrupt the schedule? 

 

Phil

Well, I just figured you wouldn’t want — 

 

Emily

What you can figure and what I want are universes apart, do you understand me? Do you have any idea how hard my precious praline booboo bear Ethan works maintaining this blasted transit schedule? And of course these handicrafter hoodlums want all that work to be free. The nerve of these monsters. [Pause.] No. We will maintain the schedule. And why not. Free Transit. Yes. Free transit. For all who attend the big match next Thursday between our Yard Sheep— 

 

Bruce [quietly]

Yard Goats—

 

Emily

—and the Beantown Crimson Stockings – 

 

Bruce [quietly]
—Boston Red Sox— 

Emily

—To see their beloved mayor lob the first tone —

 

Bruce [quietly]

— Throw the first pitch—

Emily
—So they can feel the swell of pride when we face the Portland Pig Pens—

Bruce [quietly]

—Portsmouth Field Hens – 

 

Emily

And remind them all who is responsible for their pathetic excuse for entertainment. It’s an advertisement. Mark all the cars with that can, officer. 

 

Phil

Um, that’s not really my job.

 

Emily

Right. That would be solving crime. Correct?

 

Phil

Uhh — 

 

Emily

Actually. I know you. You—you’re the reason I’m still suffering in this godforsaken crypt of a city. The reason my husband is bending over backwards, spending all his time in his lab to make sure these godforsaken tube trains run in an orderly fashion for once. You should be thanking me you have the honor to stain these trains. Wasn’t I the one who gave you this job? After getting you out of jail?

 

Phil

Uhh — 

 

Emily

Yes. “Uhh.” Indeed. Well, my tolerance for your ineptitude has crashed into the same dead-end street as has my patience. Mark them all. And be clear that this is a promotion. And then when you’re done, set up a meeting and hand deliver Wonderland to Ethan gift-wrapped and gorgeous, or you’ll find yourself rotting in Shawmut before sunup. Is that understood? Officer? 

 

Phil

Yes ma’am. Mayor. Bespin. 

 

[Red Line doors open and close and Emily stands inside—train pulls away]

 

Bruce

Well. Uhh. Play ball! [Pause.] Sorry. Just… trying to break the tension and— 

 

Phil

Your sport is fucking boring and no one cares. 

 

Bruce

Right. Boring. Like watching paint dry, right? 

 

[Pats Phil on the shoulder.]

 

Besta luck, pal!

 

HORNPIPE IN A HURRICANE

 

Clark Smith—Jesse Hall

Next order of business: Interview of candidate 7 for Wonderland Veterinary position. Note recorded: Melissa Weatherby has ushered candidate 7 into the tent.

 

Melissa Weatherby—Tanja Milojevic

Some water?

 

Mallory—Johanna Bodnyk

Yeah, some water would be awesome, actually. Thanks.

 

23 Skidoo—Julia Schifini

Here’s your water. I flushed the pipes, then ran it cold from the tap before I filtered it. Guaranteed lead-free!

 

Melissa

I’m sure she’s not worried about the temperature of our tap water.

 

Mallory

Nah, actually that’s good fuckin’ practice. That’s all some straight-up CDC advisory shit. And you’re all on Revere water here. You know how much lead they found in the drinking water at the Revere public schools? I wouldn’t drink outta those water fountains for anything. And not just cuz they’re fucking mono-spigots. The way some kids tongue down on those taps like they think they’re getting to third base with a fucking faucet? No fucking way. But even besides that, that water’s full of lead. Got a whole town of kids here impervious to Superman’s superpervovision. I hope you’re doing the same for the water you give your animals.

 

23 Skidoo

See? I know what I’m talking about.

 

Melissa

Uh… let’s make a note to add that to our community health guidelines.

 

Clark

Note recorded: update community health guidelines with water safety standards regarding lead contamination.

 

Melissa

Okay. To start, if we could just fill in some blanks on our records here. Your friend Dimitri told us that your name is Mallory…

 

Mallory

That’s right.

 

Melissa

Mallory… what?

 

Mallory

That’s it. Just Mallory.

 

Melissa

No surname?

 

Mallory

It’s a mononym. Surname is another word for “family name,” and as far as I’m concerned my family can all go fuck a hornpipe in a hurricane to see what it sounds like. I’m just me.

 

Clark

Note recorded: “Mallory” is a mononym, chosen in defiance of familial ties.

 

23 Skidoo

Names come with a boatload of baggage. I know how that is.

 

Isabelle

Thank you, 23 Skidoo. Now, Mallory… that’s some… uh… colorful language you have. You do understand that you’re in a job interview right now?

 

Mallory

Well, yeah, obviously. Not much other reason I’d sit in the middle of a bunch of strangers and let them interrogate me. But if I get the job, I posi-fuckin-lutley won’t be anyone else but me while I’m doing it, so why try to be anybody else while I’m interviewing for it? This is me. You hire me, this is what you fuckin’ get. Along with a badass veterinarian who will nurse every one of your animals back to health with love and medical fucking know-how.

 

Look—I started college a year early, and was still top of my class at Cambridge Central Square Community College’s veterinary program. That was, right up until that bullshit for-profit Learning Institute for Earnings Studies kicked down the door with a boot made of shit-stained-money, and started dry-humping the wallets of anyone who was the right mix of greedy and gullible to believe that “Earnings Studies” was something they oughta do.

 

Now my education is interrupted. I’ve transferred to North Shore Community College, but it’s the middle of the semester, and I have to wait to get back into classes. But what I can do in the meantime is start my medical residency. I can get approval to do that here, if you’ll let me. And if you do, you won’t regret it. I’ve performed splenectomies on rats on a moving train, and closed up the incision so neatly I didn’t even leave a scar. 

 

And no, I don’t have any letters of recommendation from past employers. My last job was working at a mobile food truck, but there’s no way a reference from my boss at that place is doing me any good. Before that, I worked right here in Wonderland, operating the Whirl-o-don, right up until I got shitcanned for something that wasn’t my fault, because they said I was high, when I’ve never even smoked pot in my life. So whole lotta good that’ll do me. I can get you letters from my teachers. Those should mean something to you, and I promise you, those references will glow brighter than Homer Simpson’s radioactive dick.

 

And let me address the other elephant fart in the room before it stinks us all outta here. Dimitri told me some of you are concerned that I’m an outsider. But you can stick that shit in one ear and pull it out the other. I’m from here. I was from here before any of you even got here. And not just because I worked at Wonderland back before it got all splooged with cheese. I lived here. Wonderland is in Revere. This is my town. How the fuck do you think I know so much about the tap water? And you’re all welcome to be here, as far as I’m concerned! The more the fucking merrier, I don’t care. People should go where they gotta go, and I won’t say shit about it unless you act like a total asshole. But don’t set up camp in my backyard then try to tell me I don’t belong here. I belong here right up until the day I decide that I don’t.

 

Anyway. I’d still really like the job. And I’d be good at it. But whatever. It’s up to you.

 

Clark

Note recorded: Interview subject is… uh… I don’t even know what to put down here.

 

Melissa

“Impressive.” Just put that down. “Interview subject is impressive.”

 

Clark

So noted.

 

Melissa

And for what it’s worth, given the culture of much of our community, an accusation that you’ve smoked pot wouldn’t be counted against you, so long as it isn’t something you do on the job.

 

Clark

Note recorded: Marijuana consumption shall not be construed as professionally disqualifying, nor as grounds for social stigmatization. Addendum: I, Clark Smith, recording secretary, am high right now, even.

 

Melissa

Right. Thank you for sharing, Clark, but “not something you do on the job” was a key part of that sentence.

 

Clark

Note recorded: Clark Smith, recording secretary, to be reprimanded for intoxication during job interview.

 

23 Skidoo

Job interviews are a system of oppression. Work assignments ought to be randomized, and given out by one of those machines they use for lottery numbers, but without the glamorization of competitive wealth.

 

Mallory

Uhh… I kinda see where you’re coming from, lady, but I do surgeries on bodies smaller than a human nutsack. That’s not a job you wanna give someone just because some machine shat it out on a ping-pong ball.

 

23 Skidoo

I’m sure the machine knows what it’s doing.

 

Isabelle

I know you from somewhere, don’t I?

 

Mallory

Well, yeah, we’ve met. You were at my buddy Chuck-O’s wedding.

 

Melissa

Oh, god. You’re that Mallory.

 

Mallory

I won’t hold it against you that you didn’t recognize me. There was a lotta hot bean juice flying around at the time.

 

Isabelle

Oh my word. You’re the girl who protected me. And that cage of birds! You put yourself in the hospital saving those birds!

 

Mallory

Well, yeah… I mean, what else was I gonna do?

 

Clark

Note recorded: Interview subject is a known hero.

 

Mallory

I mean, that’s not why you should hire me. But if it gets me in the door, then fuckin-A, yeah, I’m a hero. Hey, uhh. You guys notice those rats sitting on that fence watching this interview? Do you have a rat problem around here? Not that there is such a thing as a rat problem. Not in my book. But if you need someone to help handle the rats, I’m your girl. I mean it. I will literally handle the fucking rats and carry those rad little rodents somewhere they can be safe, warm, and free of rat-hating gaze. But—it’s the weirdest thing. I feel like they’re… watching us? Like they’re participating in this interview?

 

Clark

Yeah. You get used to it. 

 

Isabelle

You do?

 

INT. – Have you ever had to admit something that was really difficult to do? And if so, are you comfortable sharing what that is? 

 

Interview 1

The answer to that, of course, is “yes”. I have, yes.

 

Interview 2

There was, like, if I had to kind of disclose, last semester the stupidest drama on Earth went down, uh, and, uh, one of my—one of my exes—my ex was in, uh, a class with me, and I was like, “this’ll be normal because we broke up two years ago”. It was not. 

 

Interview 3

I admit that I smoked to my son, I don’t want him to smoke but I smoked for thirty years. And I enjoyed cigarettes every—

 

Interview 4

I realized that I become more defensive around men of color. 

 

Interview 2

First they, like, went to the teacher and were like, “I never want to interact with this person, I don’t want them to read my stories and I don’t want them to interact with me even in a workshop manner.”

 

Interview 5

I had to tell a very close friend of mine that, uh, the person that they were dating was making other members of our friend group uncomfortable. Not me specifically, but on behalf of other friends. 

 

Interview 4

Particularly men in general. Like, I’ve noticed them zeroing in that men of color I definitely find are more defensive about, and I think that comes from, just growing up culturally in my community. And having to really highlight myself as being a strong woman. 

 

Interview 2

And then they went to one of my current partners to tell them that I was an abuser. 

 

Interview 5

I didn’t want to hurt anybody. But I also didn’t want to not do right by my friends and, ah, tell this person that the person they were seeing was, um, m-m-made them feel bad. And, I mean, those people are still together today, and they’re—they’re very happy, and I think they worked through some stuff. They also had to talk to those people. They had to talk to those friends. And that was extremely hard because I felt like—I felt like I was at the end of the rope for one of my friendships.

 

Interview 4

And so in some places I always felt like some of the men around me looked at me like I was a child and refused to hear me and say, “oh, okay, I’m acknowledging that you’re saying something and I should take the consideration.” Um, and, grow from that. Um, and said I got a lot of dismissiveness, and that made me very defensive. So going into a professional setting, especially, and noticed that I was a lot more defensive around men in conversations than I was with women, um, and really a lot of that is me learning to understand where they’re coming from. And that I don’t need to be defensive because they don’t know where I’m coming from.

 

Interview 2

And I sort of had to elaborate on what happened during that relationship and specifically at the end, uh, and also, y’know, say upfront, like, “Here’s the thing that I did wrong. Here’s what they may have, like, here’s why they may have that, like, perception of me.” Um, and that was very uncomfortable. Super stressful and unpleasant time.

 

DIONNE WARWICK 

 

[Red Line noises.]

 

Gemma Linzer-Coolidge—Lydia Anderson

What do you mean there’s nobody there?

 

Isaiah Powell—Mario da Rosa Jr. (on phone)

It’s empty. The entire platform. No red-ugees, no people, nobody in sight. 

 

Gemma

You see a red-headed T worker, older guy with a beard? Guy who looks like his name would be Rusty?

 

Isaiah

Only rust I see is the pipes and the tracks. 

 

Gemma

That’s impossible.

 

Isaiah

Don’t sweat it. Your source is right 99% of the time; who cares if he’s wrong once in a while? 

 

Gemma

That’s been three times in a row. 

 

Isaiah

Still, the ratio is in our favor. 

 

Gemma

Does anything seem off about the car to you?

 

Isaiah

No, it’s pretty chill besides the fact that there’s no—wait. Cheese Bots. Incoming.

 

Gemma

Get OUT of there!

 

Isaiah [panting, somewhat desperate, quietly]

I’m boxed in!

 

Gemma

Do they know you’re there?

 

Isaiah

I don’t—I don’t think so…

 

Gemma

Hide. In the trolly. Under the bed. 

 

[Through the phone we hear Isaiah scrambling to do as Gemma instructed.]

 

Isaiah

Okay. Okay, I think I— 

 

[Line is disconnected.]

 

Gemma

Huey? Huey, this is Warsaw, come in! ISAIAH!?!?

 

[Takes crystal ball out of her purse.]

 

Leon, what’s going on?

 

Leon Stamatis—Braden Lamb

You’ll have to be more specific. 

 

Gemma

You told me there was a huge herd of red-ugees heading to Mattapan and that my man Rusty would be there waiting for them. None of that was true! 

 

Leon [confused]

I see. I thought it was. I apologize. 

 

Gemma

Bullshit.

 

Leon

Gemma— 

 

Gemma

Nine times out of ten you nail it to the T, but the second I don’t bring you to your sad little family reunion, you throw a pity party and end up less reliable than the bus schedule in a blizzard. 

 

Leon

That is not the case. 

 

Gemma

Awfully convenient timing though, isn’t it?

 

Leon

I have another theory. 

 

GEMMA

Sure, lay it on me, professor. We’ve got plenty of time on our way to Mattapan in the hopes Isaiah Powell isn’t back in fucking jail on my watch again. Shit!

 

Leon

I fear we may have been compromised. 

 

Gemma

That would involve you giving someone else information, wouldn’t it?

 

Leon

Yes. But that may be happening against my will. It could be happening to me. And it could be happening to… you. 

 

Gemma

What?

 

Leon

Have you felt… different lately? Since the day you brought Dimitri to see Nica? You haven’t seemed yourself.

 

Gemma

See? I knew that’s what this was about. Why can’t you just be honest with me?

 

Leon

You are the one who has gone back on a promise.

 

Gemma

No, I haven’t! I’ll reunite you, I just—I can’t do it yet! We have too much work to do.

 

Leon

When will we not have work to do?

 

Gemma

After we win. Don’t you understand, we’re helping people! If I let you go then — 

 

Leon

Gemma.

 

Gemma

—they’re that much closer to winning— 

 

Leon

—as you’ve already noted, I have not been a help lately so much as a hindrance— 

 

Gemma

—and this isn’t some game, this isn’t petty, there are LIVES at stake here, and we need to help them— 

 

Leon

—yes, including my life. And the lives of my family— 

 

Gemma

Oh, get over it; your family is fine, and you’re not even alive, you’re just a— 

 

[Pause.]

 

Leon

Just a what, Gemma?

 

[Pause.]

 

Gemma

I didn’t mean that. 

 

Leon

There are forces at play here working against us, far beyond what you understand. Just as much as I’m trying to help you, there is… someone or something with possibly more power and understanding of events working against us. 

 

Gemma
That must hurt to admit.

Leon
It’s the truth. We are playing a game of chess and our opponent has insights into the strategy we do not possess. To make things worse, Ethan is experimenting with the robots. I am connected with them—with the whole transit system. This gives me access to tremendous amounts of information, but if said information seems less reliable as of late, that manipulation may be the reason. And if I’ve outlived my usefulness, I would hope you would respect our original arrangement. 

 

Gemma 

Of course. No matter what, I will.*

 

Leon

Why does that sound like it comes with an asterisk?

 

Gemma

Look, just be straight with me. You were helping me before I let you down. And now you’re mad because of the whole thing with your family, so you’re feeling less inclined to be a good Psychic Friend and Dionne Warwick us out of this shit.

 

Leon

I… do not understand the reference, but I would never intentionally put you, Isaiah, or, frankly, anyone directly in harm’s way. 

 

Gemma

That didn’t directly answer the question

 

Leon

Why am I the one being treated with anger and suspicion when you’re the one who has proven to deserve it?

 

Gemma

See, every time you say that, I can’t help but think you’re trying to teach me some moral lesson here. Do you know what we’re up against?

Leon

Yes!

 

Gemma

They’re evil. They’re fascists. And they control a whole city!

 

Leon

And I told you I would help you. I promise.

 

Gemma

Then stop fucking up! Do you think I enjoy this? I’m fighting. I’ve been fighting since I got you back, but you’re not making it any easier.

 

Leon

I am not a possession, Gemma. You did not “get me back.” And I have been helping you. 

 

gemma

You need to figure out what’s going on with you.

 

Leon

I will. We will. 

 

Gemma

I can’t keep fighting this forever.

 

Leon

Neither of us want that.

 

Gemma

I’m so tired, and this city is getting worse, and I need to get back to my…

 

Leon

Yes?

 

Gemma

I…

 

Leon

Go on. Finish it. 

 

Gemma

I miss them so much. I… Leon. [Pause.] I’m so sorry.

 

Leon

They were right there. Mere inches from me. If I had hands I could touch them. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve… do you have any idea how hard it is to listen to your siblings wrestle with the grief they hold for you? To have to… narrate their actions like some detached observer, as they struggle and cry and tear themselves up with mourning for you? They’ve been searching for me. They finally reconnected over that. And there I was—and you—you— 

 

Gemma [quietly]

I know. I know. 

 

[Phone rings.]

 

Is—Huey? Go for Warsaw. 

 

Isaiah [on phone]

Yeah, it’s me. They left. Tore up the place good, but the bed was a good hiding spot—thanks for that. They know something is up, though. I heard some static about those red-ugees getting intercepted. 

 

Gemma

Shit. We need to find Rusty. Do you need a ride? We’ll be at Mattapan station soon. 

 

Isaiah

We?

 

Gemma

Uhh, yeah, me. Just me. 

 

Isaiah

Great. I’ll see you soon. 

 

[Hangs up.]

 

Gemma

I will do it. I will reunite you with them. 

 

Leon

When you’re ready. 

 

Gemma

When I can. 

 

Leon ([sighs]

I know my family. If you explain, they will understand and— 

 

Gemma [defeated]

Leon. That’s the best promise I can make right now. 

 

[Pause.]

 

Leon

I see. 

 

Gemma

I know I don’t deserve this. But… can you show me? Monty? Charlotte? 

 

Leon

No. 

 

Gemma

But. But I can. Right?

 

Leon

Yes. You can. 

 

Blog Jesus

 

[Office environment. Chatter. Typing. Phones. It drones out to silence as Michael narrates and tries to type.]

 

Michael Tate—James Oliva [narrating]

 

Okay. Tuesday, May 25th. 9:10am. Tuesday, Tuesday. Two for Tuesday. Two paragraphs for Tuesday. That’s reasonable, right? Totally doable. Manageable. Manager. My manager. Freed Friend. Hi Freed. 

 

Freed Friend—James Capobianco

Michael? What are you looking at?

 

Michael [narrating]

 

I’m looking at—oh, right. 

[Dialogue] Here’s looking at you, Freed.

 

Freed

Yes. I can see that. 

 

[Pause.] 

 

Why?

 

Michael

You’re at my desk?

 

Freed

I am. Do you know why?

 

Michael

You’re looking for my story on Oliver West. Which I’m… finishing up. 

 

Freed

Finishing?

 

Michael

Yes. Finishing. The… first… sentence. 

 

Freed

Wollstonecraft weeps! 

 

Michael

But fear not, Freed. This is two for Tuesday. 

 

Freed

Two what. Words?

 

Michael

Para—uhh… pages. Two pages. Which is… roughly… half of the total article? 

 

Freed

Michael, I understand that you’ve been in something of a rut lately, and given that this story is literally about the person who brought you perilously close to shaking off this mortal coil and ascending into a glimmer of the immortal goddess’ eye, it may contain an excess of psychic difficulties for you. 

 

Michael

Something like that, yeah. 

 

Freed

I also understand you pay the salary. And I really appreciate that you and Louisa brought me in here and set me up. But I also respect that you did that for a reason. So. A deadline. You need to finish a draft of this by Thursday for review. Publication deadline Friday. Understood? 

 

Michael

Friday. Got it. Thanks, Freed. That actually helps. That’s what I needed. A deadline. A deadline! Gonna get to work. Two for Tuesday. Two paragraphs at least. Thanks, bud! 

 

[Typing and music—the sound of a clock ticking and office environment.]

 

Michael [narrating]

 

Wednesday, May 26th, 8:34am. Got in nice and early to review my progress yesterday. Feel like I got a really good start on Two for Tuesday. And now it’s… Wednesday. What’s a good term for Wednesday? Writing Wednesday? No. Write-up Wednesday. Weblog Wednesday.  Is this going on the Web? Even if it was it wouldn’t be a…

 

Jamie—Rocky Goldman

Hey, want any coffee?

 

Michael [dialogue]

BLOG JESUS! 

 

Penny—Gabby Hall

Blog Jesus? 

 

Michael

Yes! Blog Jesus! He blogged for all our sins. I’m sorry. I thought I was the only one here?

 

Jamie

Oh, no, we get here at 7:30.

 

Michael

Why?

 

Penny

Eh. Early birds. 

 

Michael

But you’re young and cool. Aren’t you supposed to sleep all morning and stay up all night dismantling the capitalist paradigm? 

 

Jamie

Can’t dismantle shit having a pajama party ‘till noon. It’s work. 

 

Penny

Plus, that’s a pretty ageist preconception, dude. 

 

Michael

Sorry. 

 

Jamie

It’s cool. How’s your article coming?

 

Michael

I was just about to review what I got yesterday. Two for Tuesday. “The man nearly responsible for my death and I have a lot in common; we both shared the same room for years at a time, he as my mysterious employer, me as his unwilling prisoner. And while at times I grew grateful for what my solitude allowed me to learn about myself, I find it curious that he chose to be there, never leaving, despite having a loving and kind family in Rhode Island.” That’s it. I mean, it’s two sentences, but they’re long sentences. 

 

Penny

It’s a solid start. Just keep whittling away. 

 

Jamie

Hey. Whittle-away Wednesday. 

 

Michael

Whittle-away Wednesday. Will do. Will-do Wednesday! 

 

Jamie and Penny

Will-do Whittle-away Wednesday! 

 

Michael

Right on. 

 

[Typing and music—Clock ticking and office environment.]

 

Michael [narrating]

 

Thursday, May 27th, 9:00 on the dot. Got a lot done on will-do whittle-away Wednesday. Now to finish up this draft and submit it for edits. Third -raft Thursday, except this is my first. Thirst-draft Thursday. There we go. I’m thirsty! For… a draft. Not alcohol. Hmm. Maybe that doesn’t work after all. 

 

Chuck Octagon—Jeff van Dreason

Tate! What’s the haps on old Ollie West?

 

Nichole Fonzarelli—Kristen DiMercurio

Doesn’t sound cool when you say it. 

Michael

The haps are happening! I’m almost done with a draft; just stuck on the ending. 

 

Nichole

Eww. Sounds even worse when you say it. 

 

Chuck

Also, you can’t say that haps are happening, that’s redundant. It would be similar to saying the article is articling. 

 

Michael

My apologies. Still getting used to this office lingo. It’s thirst-draft Thursday, so I’m gonna bang this out and get it over to Freed toot suite. 

 

[Pause.]

 

Nichole

Did you just say Thirst-Draft Thursday?

 

Michael

Uhhhhhhhhhhh. [Pause.] Yeah?

 

Nichole

I’ll allow it. 

 

[Phone rings, Michael answers.]

 

Michael

Michael Tate, the Underground. 

 

Louisa Alvzrez—Julia Propp

Ohhh, you know, that sounds good! 

 

Michael

Ha! Yeah? 

 

Louisa

Yeah, it’s not bad. Let me try it. Hello, Louisa Alvarez, The Underground. 

 

Michael

Yep, you’re right. Stellar. 

 

Louisa

Sweet. Speaking of sounding good… Did you call your favorite season yet?

 

Michael

Ehh. No. Is it weird? I mean, I’m literally writing an article about her pretending-to-be-dead husband, my former employer who definitely tried to make me not-pretend dead. 

 

Louisa

Yeah! It’s weird! I’m dating a guy who dresses like a bee to sing song messages for a living. Sometimes it’s weird. Sometimes it’s really weird. But as long as it’s not harmful weird, it’s okay! 

 

Michael

Okay. Okay, I’ll call her after I finish this draft. How’s that sound, Louisa Alvarez, the Underground. 

 

Louisa

Sounds like I need to start answering the phone like that. Okay, gotta run. Call that Fall! 

 

Michael [laughing]

 

You’re proud of that one, aren’t you?

 

Louisa

Too much. Bye!

 

[Typing, music, clock sound, office environment.]

 

Freed

Well. This is a solid first draft. Very compelling. 

 

Michael

Sounds like there’s a big “but” coming. 

 

Freed

A big “but” indeed. BUT. It needs a stronger ending. Something that flirts with finality but leaves the reader wanting more information. Can you come up with one by tomorrow morning?

 

Michael

I will make it so. 

 

[Typing, music, clock, office environment drowns out. Music cuts out. Clock slows down. Typing slows down. Lots of backspacing. Slow typing. Back spacing.]

 

Michael [narrating, sleepy]

 

Friday, May 28th, 4:32am. Well. It finally happened. I stayed up all night writing an ending to an article. When I say writing I really mean deleting. I’ve hit the backspace key more than any other key. To say I’m stuck is an understatement. I don’t know how to finish this. I don’t know how to…

 

[Thunder outside. Michael opens his drawer, brings out I-ching coins. Rolls and drops.]

 

• Gathering Together. Like streams of water flowing together to form a lake.

 

[Rolls and drops coins.]

 

Penny

Proceeding with sincerity. 

 

Jamie

Yield to your power of attraction and magnetism.

 

[Rolls and drops coins.]

 

Freed

Gathering with a common cause. Don’t gather together with the wrong people. Secure those who share your vision. 

 

[Rolls and drops coins.]

 

Nichole

Your desires will flourish at this time. Working unselfishly brings great success to all.

 

[Rolls and drops coins.]

 

Chuck

Gathering with others will fuel and enhance the shared purpose. 

 

[Rolls and drops coins, thunder.]

 

Louisa

Rising Up. A lasting elevation in status or well being. Endeavors will turn out successfully, fires will be put out and chaos will turn to calmness. However, this is not a time to slack from responsibility. Take actions deliberately. Place one foot in front of the other with solidity and purpose. Be like the tree trunk that grows strong and steady towards the sky.

 

[Thunder rolls. Pause. Michael fishes in his pocket, takes out a piece of paper, picks up phone, punches a number.]

 

Michael

Hi, Autumn? I—oh god, I realize it’s… very early in the morning. I’m so sorry. I’ve been up all night working on this article. About. About Oliver. But that’s not why I’m calling. I should have called earlier and even though this is an extremely inappropriate time to call, I didn’t want to wait a second longer. [Pause.] Would you—would you be up for going out sometime? With uhh… me? [Pause.] So yeah, uhh, call me back if you’re not furious about the fact that I’m leaving you a voice message before the sun comes up. I can—I can explain more if you’d like, but if—if you’re actually up for talking to me again. After this. Rude. Early. Voice message. Uhh… yeah. Goodbye. 

 

[Hangs up. Pause.]

 

Michael

Shit. 

 

[Pause. Phone rings. Michael picks up]

 

Michael

Hello?

 

COOKIE

Johanna Bodnyk

Got a whole town of kids here impervious to Superman’s superper…[Laughs.] super-pervo vision. [tries again] Got a whole town of kids here impervious to Superman’s super—[Breaks.] blebbelebbleg.

Jeff Van Dreason
I think it’s just supposed to be supervision, right?

Alexander Danner
Nope! Superpervovision!

Jeff Van Dreason
Ohhhh, right.

Johanna Bodnyk

Superpervo vision.

Jeff Van Dreason
You didn’t give a complimentary em-dash for that? Not even breaking it up so that it’s easier to read? [laughing] You’re just like, "let her fuckin’ figure it out!" Jeez!

Alexander Danner
I wrote it like I heard it in my head!

Johanna Bodnyk
I mean, I got it, it’s just hard to say.

 

Mario Da Rosa Jr
Cheesebots – incoming! [Breaks.] What the heck is that? Sorry. Ohh, okay. Cheesebots!