Episode 51: The Language of Light

COLD OPEN

 

Cheese Bot—Jordan Higgs

Nope nope nope nope nope. Nope nope nope nope nope nope.

 

[“Charlie on the MTA” plays.]

 

Cheese Bot

Nope nope nope nope nope. Nope nope nope nope nope nope.

 

[The cheese robots continue to chant “nope” throughout all scenes set in Red Line.]

 

CHANGE TO BRAINTREE 1

 

[Radio dial and mixed dialogue noises filter in. Leon groans. Montage of Leon from all over the place, layered upon each other. This montage runs in the background throughout most of the episode.]

 

Gemma Linzer-Coolidge—Lydia Anderson [distorted]

Leon? LEON!

 

Leon Stamatis—Braden Lamb 

I can… hear you… there’s… there’s something I need to— 

 

[Radio noises and distorted vocals begin to slip into focus.]

 

Leon [from season 1] 

Time appears inviolate. We are always in this moment, all in the same moment, because we cannot be otherwise. We forget that the simultaneity of moments is a modern invention—

 

Leon [present]

Wait—wait—let me see. Let me— 

 

Leon [past]

We cannot be otherwise. We forget that the simultaneity of moments is— 

 

Gemma

LEON!!

 

[Rewinding noise and then everything slips into place—sound of a Red Line train.] 

 

Cheese Robot/Leon

7:51 PM. NEXT STOP. BRAINTREE. NEXT STOP, LAST STOP. 

 

Leon

Braintree. Last stop. Last…

 

[Everything goes quiet—then the sound of a horrible train collision, followed by screams.]

 

[The disaster noise cuts out.]

 

No. This isn’t right. This is too late. I—I need to—I need to embrace it. Follow them all. Nail this all down. Let myself go. This is how I can help.

 

Other Leon

If you do that, who knows what it may do to you?

 

Leon

The veil may break. The house may flood. 

 

Other Leon [anxious]/Narrator—Alexander Danner[faint]

You know it will. 

 

Leon

I don’t know anything with certainty. But what difference does it make? Now or later, the end result will be the same, and with all this… noise? The risks are worth it. 

 

Other Leon

We’re taking risks now?

 

Leon

We are. We have. We will. Take me everywhere. Let me see everything. 

 

[Several whooshing noises—an undercurrent of a Leon montage runs quietly over the rest of the episode until the very end.]

 

EDMUND SPEAKS WITH ASLAN

 

Cheese Bot 6:25 PM—DOWNTOWN CROSSING—LEGION HEADQUARTERS AND FORMER FILENE’S BASEMENT.

Leon Stamatis—Braden Lamb Louisa… Louisa and Oliver.

 

Louisa Alvarez—Julia Propp What does this mean? The cheese robots operating the trains are… they’re channeling Leon?

 

Oliver West—Mike Linden [lapsing in and out of accent throughout episode]

They’re programmed with his sense of order. His penchant for routine. But his need for order is inseparable from his intolerance of disorder. Their litany of “nopes” has started to erode their entire cognitive process.

 

Louisa What does “nope” mean to them?

 

Oliver [uncomfortably]

Oh. I assumed… uh… no one told you?

 

[Pause.]

 

“Nope” was… his last word. Leon Stamatis’s final utterance before he… ceased.

 

Louisa

Oh.

 

[She’s overcome with emotion. But then she laughs.]

 

That’s Leon to a T, though, isn’t it?

 

[She takes a final moment to collect herself.]

 

How much time do you think we have?

 

Oliver

An hour at best. The first train is already beginning its descent.

 

Leon

An hour.

Narrator—Alexander Danner Not enough time.

Leon Too much to try to communicate. The protest! I need to—

 

Narrator You’ll never—

[Radio scramble.]

 

INEXPLICABLE RIDDLES WITH MATT DAMON AND BEN AFFLECK

[“Inexplicable Riddles” theme.]

 

Ben Affleck—Briggon Snow

Welcome to Inexplicable Riddles: The Hunt for Dimitri Stamatis, with your hosts, Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. Brought to you by Legion.

 

Leon Stamatis—Braden Lamb No, this isn’t important. Let’s… let’s try…

 

[Radio scramble.]

 

CEDAR GROVE

 

Cheese Bot/Leon Stamatis—Braden Lamb

6:33. JFK/UMASS. ASHMONT TRAIN. CHANGE HERE FOR BRAINTREE.

 

Leon

Change… to… Braintree… no. Not yet. 

 

[Red Line train noise.]

 

Isabelle Powell—Jessica Washington [narrating]

It feels strange being back here. Everything looks like one of those fancy new hotels, nothing but modern and gray… clean and white. Gaudy goods from expensive shops not meant for you. 

 

We took the long way to JFK. Not like it’s easy taking the train to Wonderland in the first place. Blue to Green to Red. Only one line away from full damn service. Thing is, we had plenty of volunteers, which is wonderful news, no pun intended. But if we tried to enter Red Line from Park Street, we’d need to buy Prole Passes at the VICKIs for the lot of them. Renting a bus was less expensive than even one of those awful Prole Passes, let alone ten. 

 

So. We rented a bus, drove thirty-five minutes out to the Mattapan Trolley line. Got on just before the first train station—Cedar Grove. I don’t know why, but I like the name of it. Gives me a sense of calm before the chaos to come. Rusty rides us into Mattapan, and the trolley drivers sneak us onto the Linzer-Coolidge Big Red and on to our destiny at JFK. Rusty came with us, even, to make sure we’re all set. Seems like a good man. 

 

Charlotte looks the same as I do, taking it all in. 

 

Isabelle [dialogue]

You okay?

 

Charlotte Linzer-Coolidge—Summer Unsinn

It’s been so long. Everything is so different. 

 

Isabelle [narrating]

I pat her on the hand, and she gives me a comforted grin. She’s not scared about the task in front of us. She seemed more nervous dropping Monty off with Freed. 

 

There’s ten of us total; myself, Charlotte, Isaiah, Omi, Melissa, 23, Mouse, two of the Lilys, and Fox. By the time we arrive, the whole Yard Goats team is lined up along the yellow third-rail line. 

 

Valiance Johnson—Jordan Cobb 

Not the whole team. Only half of it. Other half is already on the inbound tracks. 

 

Stanley—Vinay P. Nariani

Yo, V! Pitch us a cold one!

 

Valiance

Slow down, we’re protesting, not partying.

 

Stanley

Why not both?

 

Valiance [to Isabelle]

They may act tough, but it’s to settle their nerves. They’re— 

 

Isabelle

Scared? Yeah. So am I. 

 

Isaiah Powell—Mario Da Rosa Jr. 

No time like the present, right? 

 

Isabelle

Help me down, Charlotte?

 

Charlotte

You first, then me. 

 

Isabelle

I don’t think there’s any need for you— 

 

Charlotte

Hush, friend. We’re in this together. He—is that… is that Louisa? Getting on board the Braintree train?

Isabelle Looks like her. But who’s she with? Seems like she’s in a hurry. 

 

Charlotte [yelling] Louisa!

 

Leon Stamatis—Braden Lamb Louisa—and Oliver! They’re trying to turn off the robots that are set to–set to–

Narrator—Alexander Danner Set to you.

Leon But I need to help the protest. There’s too much.

 

Narrator Far too much. And not enough time. So why bother?

[Radio scramble.]

 

EMILY’S OFFICE

 

Cheese Bot 6:38 PM—ASHMONT TRAIN, ASHMONT. MAYOR’S BIG RED.

 

[Buzzer.]

Emily Bespin—Sam Musher

Yes, what?

Leon Stamatis—Braden Lamb No, not here!

 

Narrator—Alexander Danner Why not? Does Emily not matter to you?

 

Kavlyn—Daisy Guevara

Hey, girlboss! Just got a little uppy here for you. There’s some people standing on the tracks at JFK/UMASS protesting the Yard Goats game? And if we don’t stop the trains soon we’re going to, like, kill them and stuff. 

 

Emily More of those cancerous Wonderland tumors, undoubtedly. If they want to extinguish themselves, I’d be proud to give them a hand.

Kavlyn ‘Kay, well, I don’t really love the idea of being like an accessory to a crime or what-not? Plus, you should know, the team has joined the Yard Goats protest. Like… the Yard Goats.

 

Emily

But they have a game! They’re supposed to be at the stadium.

 

Kavlyn

Oh, wow, they’re going to be so late. Or so dead. I mean, if the train doesn’t stop.

Emily Listen to me carefully. We don’t make unauthorized stops. The schedule doesn’t change. My seventy-two-percent-intense-dark-chocolate-Cacao-Bear Ethan mastered this schedule, and unless he changes it, we keep it intact. No matter who is in our way. The schedule guides us! The schedule above all!

 

Kavlyn You’re so hot when you’re giving a big speech, girlboss! I’ll tell the cheese bots to prime the mops for all the blood and stuff. 

 

Leon Attention—they need more attention on this. 

 

Narrator [slightly doubtful] Won’t help.

Leon The press. Michael. The Underground!

[Grunting as he concentrates.]

 

[Radio scramble.]

 

HERMES THE DIVINE HERALD

 

Cheese Bot/Leon Stamtis—Braden Lamb

6:17 PM. BROADWAY. BRAINTREE TRAIN. GO YARD GOATS. THANK YOU MAYOR BESPIN FOR FEEDING THE GOATS. 

 

Leon

Yes, Michael! 

 

[Static—and then clarity—office phone dialing.]

 

Michael Tate—James Oliva

[Pause.]

 

Louisa, hey, it’s me. I’m not going to leave a long-winded voicemail—just wanted to say I hope you’re okay. Haven’t heard from you lately, and… well. I just had a tough decision and wanted to run it by you to see what you thought. Miss you, LA.

 

[Hangs up phone.]

 

[Narrating] Maybe she’s helping with the whole Nica thing. Sounds like something she’d do. She was there for Nica when nobody else was.

 

But she also doesn’t like to take such big risks. She recognizes when something crosses the line. Not that the Nica thing crosses a line. The line was crossed a long time ago. Red Line crossed the line! Several… lines. So many lines! Crossed! 

 

Nichole Fonzarelli—Kristen DiMercurio

Yo, Tate the Great. Feeling okay?

 

Michael

Oh, yeah, sure. Just thinking about stuff.

 

Nichole

Like… feeling guilty for not helping your dead best friend’s brother bust your dead best friend’s sister out of jail? That kinda stuff?

 

Michael

Did I do the right thing? 

 

Nichole

Does it feel like you did?

 

Michael

Yes and no. I wouldn’t have pushed back if I didn’t think it was the right thing to do. But at the same time— 

 

Nichole

Can I make a suggestion? You need a myth. 

 

Michael

A mist?

 

Nichole

T-H. Myth. You use them, everything comes to light. You’re a herald now, right?

 

Michael

A herald?

 

Nichole

If heralds still existed they’d be journalists. I mean, look at Boston’s newspaper.

 

Michael

The Globe?

 

Nichole

The other one.

 

Michael [confused]

The Dig?

 

Nichole

The other other one.

 

Michael

Oh. Right. The Herald. 

 

Nichole

Yeah, okay, I know it sucks, but still. Hermes was everyone’s herald. He guided souls to the ferryman, but he didn’t work for Hades. He was Zeus’s son, but he was still a thief. As divine herald, he broadcast to the Underworld and Olympus alike.

 

Michael

Okay.

 

Nichole

In other words, if you want to help Nica without helping Nica? Time to herald it the fuck up. 

 

Leon

Yes. Yes please. Help them!

 

[Michael’s theme kicks in.]

 

Michael [louder]

We have news—news about the protest. We need to tell people! 

 

Nichole

Tate the Great, ain’t no fake, make no mistake, news is his fate!

 

Michael

Everyone! We need to get to JFK/UMASS!

 

Chuck Octagon—Jeff van Dreason

Tate! A story, you say? To the News-mobile! 

 

Michael

Call the mayor’s office, ask for a comment on the protest at JFK/UMASS. People on the tracks blocking the trains! 

 

Chuck

What a scoop!

 

[Radio scramble.]

 

CHANGE TO BRAINTREE 2

 

Cheese Bot 6:33 PM—BRAINTREE TRAIN, BRAINTREE.

[The protest is in full swing.]

 

Leon Stamatis—Braden Lamb

Okay. So… back up a bit.

 

Narrator—Alexander Danner There’s only one of you and so many of them. So many stories. What’s all this jumping around doing to your feeble little brain?

 

Charlotte Linzer-Coolidge—Summer Unsinn [distant] Louisa!

Leon Right. Oliver and Louisa arrive at JFK/UMASS just in time for the last train to head towards Braintree. 

 

[They enter the train.]

 

Cheese Bot

Nope nope nope nope nope nope…

 

Louisa Alvarez—Julia Propp

Okay, we’ve got some kind of office space here. Red Line NFT2.0 Art Brokerage…? Ugh, why are we saving these people?

 

Oliver West—Mike Linden Here’s what we must do. Evacuate each car on the train, one by one, as station stops allow. I will commandeer the vehicle cockpit, and attempt to wrest control from the cheese robot.

 

Louisa Can’t we just pull the emergency stop switch?

 

[Narrator chuckles.]

 

Oliver Oh. Hm. Yes, that’s much better than my plan.

 

[Oliver pulls the switch.]

 

Infernal Machine—Bonnie Bogovitch

I’m sorry, Oliver. You are not authorized to engage this vehicle’s emergency stop protocols.

 

Louisa

Overcomplicated plan it is. Okay rich assholes, listen up! This train is about to lose its shit, as you ought to know from how it keeps shouting “nope” at you!

 

Ryan—Jeremy Beazlie

Yeah, could you turn that off? It’s annoying!

 

Oliver

Your lives are in danger! You must get off the train!

 

[The train rolls into the next station. The doors open. More people get on.]

This train is going to crash! You all need to evacuate!

 

Corey—Bjorn Munson

Get a job, hippie! If you’re not here to buy an apathetic monkey, get out of the way of the real people!

 

Ryan

Do you even have a Prole Pass? We should report you to security.

 

Oliver I’m trying to save your life!

 

Ryan

Well, then you should’ve dressed better, so we’d know you’re serious!

 

Oliver But… but I’m wearing my best suit!

 

Corey

That’s your best? Where’d you get it? JCPenney?

 

Oliver Yes, actually, but…

 

Corey Called it.

 

Ryan

You sure did, Corey! High five!

 

[They high five.]

 

Louisa Forget those assholes! Get to the driver’s car. I’ll evacuate the train.

 

Oliver Yes. Of course.

 

Leon The schedule isn’t going to be adjusted in time. All the trains need to stop. Need to go back to the protest—they’re all in serious danger!

 

Narrator—Alexander Danner To borrow an oft repeated phrase… nope. 

 

[Radio scramble.]

 

UNDER THE EPIPHANY

 

Cheese Bot/Leon Stamatis—Braden Lamb

6:38. SHAWMUT. HOME OF THE RED LINE JAIL, THANK YOU FORMER MAYOR LINZER-COOLIDGE. ASHMONT JAIL. 

 

Leon [dizzy, out of sorts]

Okay… it’s… Dimitri!

 

[Sound of Dimitri, Mallory, and Tyrell walking in the tunnels.]

 

Dimitri Stamatis—James Johnson [narrating]

There’s not much light in these tunnels. Mallory’s flashlight is flickering. Tyrell is touching the wall as he walks. The floor is uneven, so, slow, measured steps. I didn’t realize this passage would be in such rough shape. They must have given up on their excavation early on. There’s a part where some large, flinty rocks have crashed from above blocking most of the way. We need to squeeze through this portion and—and I’m feeling—very claustrophobic. I don’t usually get like this. There’s this pressure. Almost like—almost like I’m— 

 

[Sound of a glow whale. “To Atlantis” plays.]

 

Mallory’s light flickers again and I see a glimpse of all of our hands, raised against the wall as we slide through, side stepping in choreographed unison, as if in a dance. 

 

[Pause.]

 

The glow whales. They communicated using light, I think. Light and song. It reminded me of something I thought about on the long ride to Oregon. Sometimes on the bus or even hitchhiking, I’d note how the road was guided by the unspoken language of light. There was the static, bright overhang illuminating the path of the highway, the tri-colored communication of a street lamp telling you when to pause, stop, go. But beyond that, there’s the secret language all drivers learn, a combination of flicker and movement. If you’re stopped too long after the light turns green? Three quick headlight blasts from the driver behind you. Stop looking at your phone. Go. If you’re at an intersection turning left, and the person who has the right of way is letting you turn first? One brief, friendly blast. I’ll wait for you. If you’re driving on a tight, snow-banked two-way that really only fits one car, and you pull over to the side to allow someone else to go? One long blast in thanks as they pass. If you’re driving at night and you see an upcoming car with their headlights turned off? As many flashes as you can to let them know they’re in danger, whether they realize it or not. I asked a driver I was riding with in Idaho once how he knew how to do all of this. He just looked at me and grinned. Shook his head. As if thinking—who doesn’t? What kind of question is that? These little blasts of light, all pretty much the same. But as the context changes, so does the language. And like any language, it’s learned and assumed. It’s absorbed like the darkness light fights. 

 

[Starts breathing hard.]

 

What is this… I’m feeling … I’ve never… I lived in a teeny submarine for weeks. 

 

Mallory—Johanna Bodnyk [distant, echoey]

Scent Wipe?

 

Tyrell Fredericks—Arun Sannuti [distant, echoey]

Are you okay?

 

Dimitri [narrating, breathing hard]

I think… I think it’s just…

 

[Pause. He takes a deep breath.]

 

I was in a dead city at the very bottom of the ocean’s dark belly. And there were beautiful flashes of light illuminating nothing but tragedy. 

 

[Glow whale song.]

 

And I wrote my dead brother a letter. And didn’t once think it wouldn’t reach him. I didn’t even consider it…

 

Because… we’re all just using our headlights. Trying to… cut through the dark… long illuminated beam, from my isolated box to yours… I thought it would get there. I thought he would…

 

Mallory

Dimitri? Hey, buddy? What’s going on?

 

Dimitri [dialogue] 

F… fail. What… what if we fail? 

 

Mallory

Deep breath, okay?

 

Dimitri

What if she won’t—what if she won’t come? What if she…?

 

Mallory

You need to breathe. Lean up straight. Big inhale, okay? Let’s do it together.

 

[They breathe in.]

 

Mallory 

Now out—

 

[Breath blown out.]

 

Dimitri

I was so far. So far and so much dark and I reached out and it—I couldn’t reach him. We, we, we—we get there, we shine as much as we can, but the darkness, it just absorbs it all, it just swallows it all up and we— 

 

Mallory

Stop.

 

Dimitri

—fail and there’s no point of it all, we do all this and she doesn’t want to— 

 

Mallory

Another deep breath. Okay? Ready?

 

[Another exhale, inhale.]

 

Mallory

You know what this is? This is fear. You’re afraid. And there’s good reason for it. You’re not used to feeling it. You’re used to plowing ahead. But now that you’ve lost someone, it’s hitting home. But remember—that’s why we’re doing this. It doesn’t matter that we fail. It matters that we fucking try. 

 

Tyrell

We won’t fail. 

 

Dimitri

How… how are you so… how are you so…

 

Tyrell

Trust in me. Okay?

 

Mallory

Fuck. It’s tighter than a squirrel’s nutty asshole in here. Almost through! Just a little longer, keep going. 

 

[They step through the narrow opening. Dimitri collapses on the floor, swallowing big breaths of air.]

 

Tyrell

Are you okay?

 

Dimitri

I will be. Yeah. I will be.

 

Mallory

I see the excavator up ahead. Just a few meters. You okay to keep going?

 

Dimitri

Okay. Okay.

 

[Footsteps fade out.]

 

JFK UMASS 3

Cheese Bot/Leon Stamatis—Braden Lamb

6:47. JFK/UMASS. ASHMONT TRAIN. CHANGE HERE FOR BRAINTREE. LAST CHANCE TO CHANGE TO BRAINTREE.

 

Isabelle Powell—Jessica Washington

Okay then, friend! Remember, all, people are stationed on the sides to pull you up if… should they…

 

Valiance Johnson—Jordan Cobb

Should they flat-foot it. Yeah. 

 

Leon This isn’t working. I can see everything but how can I – how can I help?

Narrator—Alexander Danner That’s what you don’t get, Leon. You can’t. 

 

Bruce Bosley—Kenny Garcia [distant]

Johnson! 

 

Valiance

Oh… shit. 

 

Bruce

You got a lotta nerve. You know how freaked out I was at the stadium? Pacing around, making calls? 

 

Valiance

I’m sorry, Bruce. The team thought that—well—with my suspension, they figured— 

 

Bruce

Bruce?

 

Valiance

I’m sorry… Coach. 

 

Bruce

I know what you’re doing here. I know exactly what this is. 

 

Valiance

You really don’t; that’s what I’m trying to tell you.

 

Bruce

Oh yeah? So why tell me now? And why not before? 

 

Valiance

I… I didn’t think you’d— 

 

Bruce

Johnson. Listen to me. This right here? This is BASEball. All of it. You’re a pitcher. An important part of the Yard Goats, no doubt about it. You pitched this idea to the team and they lined up to take a swing. But you don’t get nothin’ done without coaching. Now get the hell in that dugout. Train’ll be rolling in soon. 

 

Valiance

You got it, Coach!

 

Bruce

Help me in, fellas!

 

[The team cries out as Bruce joins in.]

 

Isabelle

A team. All in together. Yes, indeed. Some Yard Goats take the coach by each arm and help lower him onto the tracks. We get in line, Charlotte and I standing in the center of the mass. Oddly enough, I feel better down here, less panicked. More enclosed than the station, with all that outside pressing in. And just as I take a steadying breath, reflecting on the contradiction of feeling less panicked standing on the tracks, we see the lights on the Red Line plowing forward in our direction. 

 

[Sound of the train approaching the station.]

 

Valiance 

They’re coming in pretty hot. 

 

Isabelle [commanding]

Raise your arms in the air. Make sure they can see us with their… scanners. 

 

[Sound of movement—train still approaching quickly.]

 

Valiance

They’re not stopping!

 

Isabelle

I fear she’s right. I hear a rush of feet scurrying to the side of the platform above us and I shut my eyes praying it’s our volunteers ready to lift us out. A sound goes off in my head like an old fashioned flashbulb. I open my eyes. 

 

[Ominous Red Line train sound, cries of protestors.]

 

Cheese Bot/Leon

6:50—BRAINTREE TRAIN, CHANGE TO BRAINTREE

 

NARRATOR

Here it comes…

 

[Radio static.] 

 

Leon Back on Louisa and Oliver’s train. 

 

[Matt Damon and Ben Affleck enter.]

 

Ben Affleck—Briggon Snow

Here we are in the moving city of Red Line, hot on the trail of Dimitri Stamatis.

 

Louisa

Oh, what the fuck. Hey. Batfleck!

 

Ben Affleck

Aw, please don’t call me that.

 

Louisa

Why are you looking for Dimitri Stamatis?

 

Ben Affleck

If we find him, we’ll earn our freedom from indentured servitude!

 

Louisa Wow! Don’t care! Dimitri isn’t missing, numbnuts. But I happen to know exactly where he is right this minute. I’m Private Detective Louisa Alvarez. See, here’s my license. Okay? And I’ll take you right to him. But first I need your help.

 

Ben Affleck

Wow, Matt Damon, you found us the best clue ever! Someone who can just solve the mystery for us! Oh, but what kind of help do you need?

 

Ryan—Jeremy Beazlie

Oh my god, look! It’s Mark Wahlberg! He’s my favorite!

 

Mark Wahlberg—Felix Trench

Oh, cool, a fan! Here, have a dried leaf from the set of The Happening!

 

Matt Damon [dripping with hate]

Mark Wahlberg.

 

Mark Wahlberg [absolute disgust]

Oh. It’s you. Matt Damon.

 

Matt Damon

Why are you here, Mark Wahlberg?

 

Mark Wahlberg

My Legion Assistant told me that if I came here, my new Wahlbergers could have a five-year exemption from health inspections.

 

Matt Damon

You shouldn’t want that, Mark Wahlberg. You should just clean your restaurants.

 

Mark Wahlberg

When last we met, I swore a blood oath. If ever again we two came face to face, only one of us would walk away alive.

 

Matt Damon

Revenge is a fool’s errand, Mark Wahlberg. And you’re the fool.

 

Mark Wahlberg

I’m no fool! You’re the fool!

 

Matt Damon

Am not! The fool is you!

 

Mark Wahlberg

MAAATT DAMOOON!!

 

Matt Damon

MARK WAAHLBERRRRG!

Louisa WILL YOU GUYS CUT THIS THE FUCK OUT?

 

[They fight. Battlecries and smack talk for Matt and Mark.]

 

SPARE THE ROD. FULL STOP.

 

[Jump back over to Oliver.]

 

Cheese Bot

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE

 

Oliver West—Mike Linden Excuse me, ah… cheese… bot. Do you have a manual override that I might engage?

 

Narrator—Alexander Danner

[Sighs.] So disappointed in your spontaneous little upheaval, you worm.

Cheese Bot

NOPE YOU ARE NOT AUTHORIZED NOPE YOU DO NOT BELONG HERE NOPE GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT NOPE NOPE NOPE SECURITY COUNTERMEASURES INITIATED FORCEFUL RESTRAINT IN PROGRESS

 

[Robot arms attack.]

 

Oliver What, no… gllrrk?

 

Cheese Bot

QUERY QUERY LETHAL FORCE APPROVED ANSWER YES OR NO

 

Leon Stamatis—Braden Lamb

No!

 

Oliver [choking]

NO!

 

Cheese Bot USER NOT RECOGNIZED QUERY QUERY LETHAL FORCE APPROVED ANSWER YES OR NO

 

Narrator [in Oliver’s head] OLIVER—YOU STILL LOVE ADA AND AUTUMN, DON’T YOU?

Oliver Ye—yesss.

 

Cheese Bot

YES. LETHAL FORCE APPROVED.

 

Leon Don’t do this!

 

Cheese Bot

DON’T DO THIS YES LETHAL FORCE APPROVED.

 

Narrator

Why not? Now that Oliver has betrayed me, removing him is for the best. And you do realize you’ve sent Louisa to her death as well, yes? She’s not getting off this train.

 

Oliver [choking]

Infernal Machine! Search strategies for combating possessed killer robots!

 

Infernal Machine—Bonnie Bogovitch

There are several strategies for fighting killer robots, found throughout a range of science fiction media, including movies, telev–

 

Oliver Pick… one…

 

Infernal Machine

One method is to corrupt the robot’s CPU by uploading a computer virus.

 

Oliver Next method!

 

Infernal Machine

One method is to target their power source, which is often conspicuously illuminated by a target-shaped circle.

Oliver NEXT!

Infernal Machine Finally, a killer robot may be confounded by appeals to its burgeoning emotions or by irrational riddles and logical paradoxes.

 

Oliver What… what has four wheels and flies?

 

Leon/Cheese Bot

A garbage truck! I know the answer to that, it’s not going to work!

 

Oliver

Mr. Stamatis! You have to…

 

Leon/Cheese Bot

Me?

 

Cheese Bot NOPE ME NOPE ME NOPE

 

Oliver

You’re its…

 

Leon

I’m its… I’m its burgeoning emotions!

 

Cheese Bot

I’M IT’S BURGEONING EMOTIONS NOPE NOPE NOPE

 

Leon

Remember… remember Danny Campanelli?

 

Cheese Bot

REMEMBER DANNY CAMPANELLI.

 

Leon

Remember middle school. Eighth grade.

 

[Everything except Leon fades out.]

 

Cheese Bot

REMEMBER MIDDLE SCHOOL. EIGHTH GRADE.

 

Leon/Cheese Bot

Remember Danny Campanelli stealing my homework. Laughing after a dodgeball smashed my glasses. Remember Danny taunting me. Trying to make me cry. Or lose my temper. But I didn’t. I didn’t react. He thought that made me… so then…

 

He started calling me a robot. Twicky. Lieutenant Commander Data. He said “Danger Will Robinson,” in an imitation of my voice. Iron Giant. HAL 9000. “I’m sorry, Leon. I’m afraid I can’t do that.” He called me Omega Supreme and C-3PO and Marvin and Johnny 5. In retrospect, he knew a lot of robots for a bully.

 

But then… he called me Deep Blue. And that… I don’t know why—maybe just because I really did like chess?—but that’s the one that did it. 

 

When I pushed him, I didn’t just knock him down. I pushed so hard that he flew three feet before he hit the floor. He slid halfway across the classroom. I heard a sound come out of me when I leaped. Not a… growl, exactly? A rumble. Something erupting within me.

 

All the air came out of him when I landed. My arm was raised up. I had… a fist. And I remember I thought about it just like that… “I have a fist.” I had never thought about what it meant to have a fist. What a fist was for. What I could do with it.

 

And Danny was looking up at me… not begging me to stop. Not fighting back. He just closed his eyes and held his breath. Ready to receive what he’d been waiting for. My fist.

 

I didn’t give it to him.

 

But I did cry.

 

I waited for him to stop waiting. He opened his eyes. He started breathing again. He looked at my fist. I opened it. I placed my palms flat against his chest, and leaned down until I was nose to nose with him. And I said…

 

“Please don’t call me a robot again.”

 

And he said…

 

“Okay.”

 

And that was the end of it.

 

[Present moment noises resume.]

 

No, you are not authorized to use lethal force.

 

Cheese Bot

NOPE NOPE NOPE LETHAL FORCE IS NOT AUTHORIZED NOPE

 

[The cheese robot releases Oliver.]

 

Oliver [breathing hard]

Oh, thank heavens! Mr. Stamatis… Leon…thank you, Leon.

 

Leon/Cheese Bot

You’re welcome.

 

Narrator Well, fuck. That was fun, too. 

 

Oliver

Can you make it stop the train?

 

Narrator

Never. 

 

Leon/Cheese Bot

I can try.

 

[Leon strains to exert his will through the robot. Horrible, strained static/glitch noises accompany his exertion.]

 

It’s not working!

 

LIGHTS IN THE DARK

 

Cheese Bot/Leon Stamatis—Braden Lamb

6:55. JFK/UMASS. ASHMONT TRAIN. CHANGE HERE FOR BRAINTREE. LAST CHANCE TO CHANGE TO BRAINTREE.

 

Valiance Johnson—Jordan Cobb

They’re not gonna stop!

 

Leon

Back here. Back before… but …

 

Isabelle Powell—Jessica Washington [narrating]

I fear she’s right. I hear a rush of feet scurrying to the side of the platform above us, and I shut my eyes praying it’s our volunteers ready to lift us out. A sound goes off in my head like an old fashioned flashbulb. I open my eyes. 

 

[Ominous Red Line train sound, cries of protestors.]

 

Leon

Please. Let me see. Let me know that— 

 

Chuck Octagon—Jeff van Dreason

This is Chuck Octagon, the Underground, reporting live as a dramatic protest unfolds on the tracks of JFK/UMASS station. Members of the Yard Goats baseball team, along with citizens of the makeshift refugee city of Wonderland, have formed human blockades before incoming trains, which are still advancing into the station despite the wall of bodies ahead of them. Surely Mayor Bespin won’t allow these trains to destroy one of her biggest accomplishments—the Yard Goats baseball team, wildly popular in and outside of the city of Red Line. We cut now to Michael Tate, reporting from the side of the tracks. Tate?

 

Michael Tate—James Oliva

Thanks, Chuck. I’m asking the protestors what they’re demanding with this action. Valiance Johnson—you’ve been on the record about free transit in the past, going so far as to thank Mayor Bespin for making a trip to the Yard Goats stadium in Braintree free. Is this more of the same?

 

Valiance

Can you ask me after we hopefully don’t get smashed?

 

Michael

Uh, sure. But one can deduce that that’s what this protest is about, right?

 

Isabelle [dialogue]

That and numerous civil rights violations this administration continues to advance easy as finding a Dunks on a morning commute. 

 

Michael

That’s Isabelle Powell, former mayoral candidate and leader of Wonderland speaking for— 

 

Isabelle

I’m not the leader. Wonderland doesn’t have one leader.

 

Michael

Noted, Ms. Powell. I must now take a call from my best friend, Louisa Alvarez. Chuck?

 

Chuck

Thank you, Tate. We cut now to Nichole Fonzerelli reporting closer to the advancing trains. Nichole?

 

Michael [in background] You’re on a Braintree train that’s going to crash?!

 

Nichole Fonzerelli—Kristen DiMercurio

Well, Chuck, the trains have slowed some, but they’re still advancing and show no sign of stopping completely. I think we need to prepare ourselves for a grisly sight. 

 

Leon No. I need to do something. 

 

[Rewind noise.]

 

BRAINTREE

 

Cheese Bots 6:45 PM—BRAINTREE TRAIN, TRAIN HEADED FOR BRAINTREE NOPE NOPE NOPE NO TIME TO STOP NOPE FASTER FASTER FAST— [Leon struggling.]

 

[Strained glitch noises continue then fade.]

 

Leon Stamatis—Braden Lamb/Cheese Bots

I tried to stop the trains, Oliver, but it’s no use. The Narrator has rerouted my influence over the cheese robots.

 

Oliverx

The Narrator?

 

Leon/Cheese Bot

Mr. N.

 

Oliver

He rerouted your spiritual influence, did he? Two can play at that game.

 

Narrator

What does he think he can do? He has no experience with this sort of thing! [narrating] Oliver peered into the dark tunnel ahead and envisioned his impending doom. 

 

[The robot’s chest compartment is thrown open. We hear its inner workings ticking and humming.]

 

Leon/Cheese Bot Oliver threw open the Cheese Robot’s access panel and peered into its inner workings. Wires, gears, and circuit boards filled the aluminum chamber of the robot’s body. 

 

Oliver

Why are you describing what I’m doing?

 

Leon/Cheese Bots

So that the other guy doesn’t. Please stay focused.

 

Oliver

Very well. Hmm. None of this mechanical mishmash means anything to me, of course.

 

Leon/Cheese Bots

But that wasn’t what Oliver was looking for. Leon had told him the Narrator rerouted the ghost’s influence. That wasn’t mechanical. That was an entirely different branch of natural science. A metaphysical science… a science of unseen energies and spectral weavings.

 

Oliver

I see it. I see the weave. 

 

Narrator You don’t.

Oliver I know what to do.

Narrator [throwing a temper tantrum] You don’t!

Oliver Leon… I’m very sorry, but please brace yourself. I believe you’re going to feel this.

 

Leon/Cheese Bots

I’m ready.

 

Oliver

Okay.

 

[A mystical sound swells into static… then cuts off abruptly. Leon screams.]

 

[Whooshing noise as Leon is transported back to the protest.]

 

Cheese Bot

6:57 PM—JFK/UMASS STATION. NO SERVICE NO SERVICE NO SERVICE NOPE

 

[Distant scream. Emily—frustrated, angry, audible from even here.]

 

Nichole Fonzerelli—Kristen DiMercurio

Did—did you all hear that?

 

[The trains slow and stop.]

 

Chuck Octagon—Jeff van Dreason

They’re stopping! The trains! They’ve stopped!

 

[Cries of joy from the protestors.]

 

Leon [weakly] Oliver did it. We did it. But that scream—was that? Was that Emily?

 

[Static.]

 

EMILY’S OFFICE

 

Cheese Bots 6:46 PM—ALEWIFE TRAIN—INBOUND—JFK/UMASS STATION

 

Leon Stamatis—Braden Lamb Moments before we shut it down.

 

[Phone rings.]

 

Emily Bespin—Sam Musher BOO BOO BEAR! We’re about to collide with a bunch of radical protestors who attempted to halt your perfect schedule. The nerve of them. But we’ll make them eat train in thanks.

Ethan Bespin—Jordan Higgs A schedule is perfect if it’s executed as such. And what of you? Are you executed as such?

Emily What?

Ethan

I am offering you an option of perfection, one with memories that harken back to our salad days with light dressing and extra obedience. Dreamers dream in single sentences, but you demanded pages and paragraphs of rewritten reports. Coney Island is mine, and they really understand the importance of dairy down here! You once allowed me the sky, but your demands for an imperfect schedule boarded up my bird house. I offer you what I offered you before—a schedule that suits us both, a schedule as perfect as your precious Red Line, with you as a perfect passenger, always commuting. Come and be with me. Be like we were before. 

 

Emily You… you left?

Ethan Legion offered me a position, and I am offering you a place in my schedule, a place where— 

 

Emily Where I… behave… as I once did? Like you demonstrated in my office recently?

Ethan I am simply deciding to find the balance between the air and the ground once more. I do not expect you to understand; I don’t think you ever truly did. The schedule above all and a well-executed schedule is nothing but expectations fulfilled. 

 

[The trains slow and stop all at once.]

 

Emily The trains have stopped. Your scheduling may not be as perfect as you thought. 

 

Ethan Perhaps they’ve cycled through the demise memory earlier than expected. No matter, minus the human and infrastructure debris. You have my offer. Change nothing. It is perfection minus one minor bug. Routinely purge the memories or eventually all will perish.

 

[Ethan’s line of dialogue repeats: the schedule above all—change nothing. He hangs up the phone—which is also repeated.]

 

[The sound design strips away slowly, with layers, until silence. Then—the sound of something breaking. And Emily screams. A terrible, terrible scream that can be heard miles away, a scream reaching out to try and connect with what has abandoned her.]

 

Leon Emily… he left you, and you– 

 

Narrator No! NOT her!

 

[Whooshing noise as Leon snaps back to the protest.]

 

JFK/UMASS

 

Cheese Bot 6:48 PM—JFK/UMASS STATION, NO SERVICE OUTBOUND, NO SERVICE INBOUND, NOPE NOPE NOPE TEMPORARY DELAY TEMPORARY DELAY NOPE NOPE NOPE

 

Chuck Octagon—Jeff van Dreason

Yes, it seems like the protest is making a real impact tonight, as riders are now blocked from going anywhere. And despite the trains stopping, these protestors show no signs of leaving. What’s this? Cheese Bots have just been spotted marching from the train, along with RLPD to seemingly arrest the protestors! We’ll have more as…

 

[Chuck fades as Leon breathes a sigh of relief.]

 

Leon Okay—so if the trains shut down here, they should be shut down all over, which means—

 

CHANGE TO BRAINTREE 3

 

Cheese Bots

6:58 BRAINTREE TRAIN—NEXT STOP NO STOP NO SERVICE NOPE NOPE NOPE SERVICE TEMPORARY SUSPENDED

 

[Matt Damon and Mark Wahlberg are still fighting in the background.]

 

Louisa Alvarez—Julia Propp

Hey, you! Ben Affleck!

 

Ben Affleck—Briggon Snoe

Me?

 

Louisa

No, the other Ben Affleck!

 

Ben Affleck

There’s another Ben Affleck???!!

 

Louisa

This is our chance! The train stopped, and we need to get all these people off, but these Red Line resident jerks are all too rich to listen to reason. But you are super rich! And famous! You can convince everyone to get off the train.

 

Ben Affleck

Oh no! Matt Damon, it’s an emergency! This random lady just told me we need to get everyone off the train in an urgent and convincing tone of voice!

 

Matt Damon—Zach Valenti

Well, then we must listen! Let no man say that when Cassandra spoke, Matt Damon refused her wisdom.

 

Ben Affleck

We need to evacuate the other passengers!

 

Mark Wahlberg—Felix Trench

Me first! And once I’m out there, I’ll be waiting for you outside. Matt Damon. 

 

[He exits.]

 

Ben Affleck

Matt Damon. My best friend. If there’s one person in my heart whose life-size cardboard standee I’ll never put in the trash, it’s you.

 

This lady is saving lives. But me? I’ve never had an opportunity to save a life. Honestly, I don’t know that I’ve ever thought I could be brave enough to do it. But I played George Reeve. And George Reeve played Superman. And I think maybe that makes me a hero.

 

Mark Wahlberg ran away. He refused to pay back his debt to all the people whose ticket purchases propelled him to wealth and fame. Now we have to decide who we are. Are we truly Matt Damon and Matt Damon’s friend, Ben Affleck? Or are we just another couple of Mark Wahlbergs?

 

Matt Damon

I think… I think…

[Lovingly] Fuck Mark Whalberg. 

 

[They embrace.]

 

Ben Affleck [overcome with emotion]

Fuck Mark Wahlberg!

 

Matt Damon

Citizens of Red Line, hail our plea! 

 

Ben Affleck

You need to exit this train immediately!

 

Matt Damon

According to this random lady who already tried to warn you, this train may crash! Exit now, out of the REAR CAR! Or you’ll surely die!

 

[People rush off the train.]

 

Corey—Bjorn Munson

Thank you, Matt Damon and Ben Affleck! Without you, we could never have known!

 

Matt Damon

You could have if you listened to random people shouting on trains! Let that be a life lesson for you!

 

Leon Okay—this is good. This is progress, they’re getting them off with those famous windbags actually doing some—

 

[Gemma calls Leon’s name in a distant, echo effect.]

 

Gemma Linzer-Coolidge—Lydia Anderson

Leon. Leon! I need you buddy.

 

SHAWMUT

Cheese Bots

SHAWMUT STATION. 6:55. ASHMONT LINE. AKA: TRAIN JAIL. 

 

Leon Stamatis—Braden Lamb

Okay. We can do this. We can work together and do this. When is it happening?

 

Gemma Linzer-Coolidge—Lydia Anderson

Well? That’s the thing, Leon. Now. It’s happening now. Everything you just heard? Those are my memories of the planning. And now it’s time to get ready. Because we just turned ourselves in.  

 

[Pause—whooshing noise as Leon absorbs the memories.]

 

Please tell me you’re there.

 

Leon

I am. I’m here. The last trains left JFK about ten minutes ago.

 

Gemma

I know—I got the signal from Charlotte. I need you right now, buddy. It’s brain-scrambling time. 

 

[A door opens at Shawmut.]

 

Red Line Guard—Ray O’Hare

Okay, all set with processing. We’re here to show you your room. Let me take your luggage. Hand that over.

 

Gemma [internally]

Leon! The guards? They’re wearing gloves.

Narrator Wonder who tipped them off about that…

Gemma [dialogue]

Back off or I’ll break it!

 

[Quick scuffle.]

 

Red Line Guard 2—Tanja Milojevich

No, you won’t. 

 

Red Line Guard

I got her. 

 

Red Line Guard 2

Come on, hands behind your back. 

 

Leon [struggling]

I can’t—I can’t break through!

 

Red Line Guard 2

There we go, thank you kindly. 

 

[Sound of a cuff clicking into place.]

 

Red Line Guard

Got wind not to touch this thing with our bare hands should we find it, so thanks for holding it for us. We’ll return it to the proper owner.

 

Gemma

That’s me!

 

Red Line Guard 2

Says you! Come on—other wrist, and then it’s off to your room like I says before. 

 

Leon The team underground. Take me there—now!

 

BENEATH SHAWMUT

 

Cheese Bots/Leon Stamatis—Braden Lamb

6:47—SHAWMUT STATION—CHANGE HERE FOR UNDER THE EPIPHANY. 

 

Missing the Game—Graham Rowat

“Under the epiphany”? The hell’s that mean? I’m just trying to get to the game!

 

Leon [whispering]

Latch on to someone. Mallory. Tyrell. Go, go—there!

 

Mallory—Johanna Bodnyk

Okay. Big problem? There’s no keys for the excavator. 

 

Tyrell Fredericks—Arun Sannuti

Were we expecting keys?

 

Mallory

Well, keys woulda been fucking nice, don’t you think? 

 

Dimitri Stamatis—James Johnson

Can you hot-wire it, Mallory?

 

Mallory

Does Dunks have stale fucking donuts? The only problem is I can’t do both at once. Meaning you’ll need to do all the excavating, Scent Wipe. You up for that?

 

Dimitri

Yeah. I’ve got this. 

 

[Sound of Mallory opening up the excavator and cutting wires, connecting the two, as Dimitri lands in the seat.]

 

Mallory

There should be a pedal near your right foot and a big fucking lever next to your left hand, kinda like a stick shift?

 

Dimitri

A what?

 

Mallory

A fucking stick shift, you know, manual transmission?

 

Dimitri

Is that a car thing? Is now a bad time to tell you that I don’t drive?

 

Mallory

Of course you fucking don’t. You cartwheel fancy-free into motherfucking submarines, but something as pussy-ass pedestrian as driving a car is too basic for Mr. Big Boy Scout Dimitri. You sure you got this?

 

Dimitri

I found the lever. 

 

Mallory

Well, may the sweet angels fuck in relief. When I say, crank the lever to three and pump the gas with your foot like you’re stepping on it over and over again. Whatever you do, do not touch the crank on the dash, or your friend Mallory is gonna go from family-sized to snack-sized real goddamn fast. 

 

Dimitri

Got it. 

 

[Wires being pulled—sparks of electricity.]

 

Mallory

Not yet. Not… yet…

 

[Pause.]

 

OKAY, NOW!

 

[Dimitri pulls the lever and hits the clutch. There’s a groaning noise as the machine lurches to life slowly—coughing into life and then roaring loudly]

 

Dimitri

I got it! 

 

Mallory

GIVE ME TIME TO—OH, FUCK!

 

[Tyrell catches Mallory.]

 

Tyrell

I got you!

 

Mallory

T-Y, Ty-guy. Okay, Scent Wipe, we’re a bit behind schedule, so get that big yellow fucker into position. You need to roll about five feet to the right. Crank the wheel, hit the gas SLOWLY and then hit the brake, right before those spray-painted lines. Then? It’s cranking time. 

 

[Sound of Dimitri rolling the excavator and then cranking the machinery to tear down the ceiling above—sound of rubble crashing around, including on the excavator.]

 

Dimitri

What’s the chance this whole thing is going to cave in?

 

Mallory

Best not to think about it! 

 

SHAWMUT JAIL

 

[Massive demolition as a heavy machine tears the floor out from under them in a room next door.]

 

Red Line Guard—Ray O’Hare WHAT THE HE—OOOF!

 

Cheese Bots/Leon Stamatis—Braden Lamb

6:57 PM—SHAWMUT JAIL.

 

[Construction sounds slowly subside.]

 

Gemma Linzer-Coolidge—Lydia Anderson

[Groans.] What—what was that? 

 

Leon

The team under Shawmut. 

 

Gemma

They were supposed to give me a signal. 

 

Leon

They tried. You were occupied with the guards and half-handcuffed. 

 

Gemma

The guards—they— 

 

Leon

Appear to be knocked out for now. 

Red Line Guard 2—Tanja Milojevic

[Groans.] Hey. HEY! Not so fast, you—!

 

[Gemma holds the crystal ball up to Red Line Gard 2’s face.]

 

[A montage of Leon speaking from all four previous seasons.]

 

[Comic cartoon fainting noise from Red Line Guard 2.]

 

Gemma No glove for your face, although you could use one. 

 

Leon

Take his keys. 

 

[Gemma does.]

 

Gemma

Let’s get your sister. 

 

[Door opens, Gemma runs, sound of Mallory, Dimitri and Tyrell climbing up the fresh hole. Gemma’s phone rings.]

Gemma [answering] Louisa? No. Oh, no!

Leon What? Maybe I can help!

 

CHANGE TO BRAINTREE 4

 

Cheese Bot 6:55—BRAINTREE TRAIN STOPPED BEFORE SPEEDING TOWARDS ITS HORRIBLE DEMISE, BRAINTREE Leon Stamatis—Braden Lamb Okay. A few minutes ago. What’s—?

 

Louisa Alvarez—Julia Propp How are we doing, boys?

 

Ben Affleck—Briggon Snow

Maybe twenty people left. Matt Damon has escorted the last batch up to the Quincy Center platform, so they’re safe. 

 

Louisa

Good. 

 

[They exit. The train suddenly lurches forward, throwing everyone off balance. People fall to the floor.]

What the hell was that?

 

Oliver West—Mike Linden [via intercom]

Louisa Alvarez! This is Ol… Carrington! Carrington Vandermont! I am speaking to you via the intercom system!

 

Louisa You don’t need to explain that!

 

Oliver [via intercom]

The blasted train has restarted and is prepared to meet its terminus in more ways than one. The cheese robot mind has been successful in resisting me. There are no more stops. If you’re still on the train… I’m sorry. I am trying to regain control, but should I fail, we will accelerate continuously until we reach our proverbial final destination.

 

Leon I need to help Oliver again…

 

Louisa

Fuck.

 

[Louisa quickly makes a call.]

 

Louisa

Gemma! You need to evacuate Braintree. This train is not stopping for anything, and we’re going to crash!

 

I don’t… I don’t think I’m getting off this train. Gemma, I know. I know! Listen… we’ve had our… I just want to say—I think you’re an asshole sometimes but that’s part of the reason that I love you, and I do love you! You’re one of my best friends, even when I think you’re wrong.

 

[Louisa hangs up, dials another number. Voicemail picks up.]

 

Wendell Jorgenson—Mike Linden

[Singing] Hello, you have reached the voicemail of Wendell Jorgenson. It would be my pleasure to deliver a heartfelt message in song to your loved one, colleague, or nemesis.

 

[Speaking] Please leave a message, including your phone number and lyric requests.

 

Louisa

Hey baby, it’s… it’s your Wonderbug. Listen, I’m on this train and… well, when you get the news, I want you to remember something, okay? I’ve saved some people’s lives today. That’s why I’m… just… I want you to know that it was worth it. For me. But I know that’s… it’s hard.

 

But also…

 

The last time we talked wasn’t… great. Fuck. That’s not even… look, I said some shit that wasn’t right, or fair, or even honest. It wasn’t how I really feel. About you. About us. I don’t know how to talk about things like… that. 

 

So there’s something else I want to try… look, just don’t laugh, okay?

 

No, I take that back. You should laugh. Laughing is good. I love your laugh.

 

Okay?

 

Um.

 

Here goes…

 

[Singing]

 

Wendell..

I remember…

Wendell…

The first time that you sang for me,

You were dressed up like a bee–

–keeper.

 

How could I have ever guessed

That I would want to hear that song again?

That even though the time was wrong just then,

The years would bring you back around

Until I learned to love the sound of my

Bee-keeper.

 

Wendell…

Please remember…

Wendell…

The next time that you sing for me,

The buzzing that you hear will be-

My heart.

 

[Speaking]

You know I hate when you call me Wonderbug, right?

 

But, um… for the record—I’m lying when I say I hate it.

 

Please take care of yourself, Beekeeper. 

 

[She hangs up.] 

 

Cheese Bot

SHAWMUT STATION, ASHMONT LINE, THOROUGHLY DEMOLISHED

 

Gemma [into phone] Yes, get everyone out of Braintree station. NOW! And figure out how to stop that train!

 

[Hangs up.]

Dimitri Stamatis—James Johnson

There you are. We were worried you got— 

 

Gemma

Just a touch behind. This way. 

 

[The group runs, doors unlock, more running.]

 

Down here!

 

Ernesto–Giancarlo Herrera 

Oh. Hello! Welcome to our cells. 

 

Nica Stamatis—Kelly McCabe

Dimitri? Mallory, Gemma? 

 

DIMITRI

I told you I’m getting you out of here, and I meant it. 

 

[Dimitri unlocks her cell and swings it open.]

 

Nica

I… I can’t. I’m sorry. 

 

Dimitri

Nica, I understand, but you— 

 

Nica

No. You don’t. You couldn’t.

Dimitri Please. Come with us. Come with me.

[Pause.]

I don’t want to leave you behind again.

Nica You never did. It was always me. I stayed. It’s what I do. So I’m staying.

 

Tyrell Fredericks—Arun Sannuti

Can you… give us a minute?

 

Gemma

Uhh—tick-tock?

 

Tyrell

I understand. 

 

Dimitri

Nica, I–I want you to know–

[Pause.]

I know you’re tired of hearing from me.

[To Tyrell] We’ll be over there.

 

Nica

You look familiar. 

 

Tyrell

We’ve run into each other a couple times before. Last time was outside of ThirdSight. I gave you a stress ball. 

 

Nica

Oh, yeah.

 

Tyrell

Before that, we… we saw each other on the Longfellow. I watched you throw a bottle into the water. Do you remember that?

 

Nica

Some of it. It feels like a distant dream. I remember speaking to someone after, but— 

 

Tyrell

That someone was me. And—I need you to know… I went to the bridge that day to… jump. I felt pathetic and defeated. Like nothing I could do would ever make a difference, would ever be enough to make me feel worthy of being alive. And then I saw you. The way you threw that bottle? Such a futile gesture. All that water, gallons upon gallons of surging tide, brimming with secret life. And you threw it in like you knew it would reach its recipient. Like you knew. And it did. Eventually. 

 

Nica

How did you— 

 

Tyrell

That doesn’t matter. The point is, you saved me. That one act saved me, and you need to know that. Because however you’re feeling now is insignificant compared to the endless possibilities of the ocean. The sea is vast, endless, mysterious, dangerous. And yet still capable of delivering a message. 

 

Nica

You don’t understand. What you saw that day? I was just as defeated as you. And it’s only gotten worse.

 

Tyrell

I know that. I’ve always known. You’re punishing yourself. I was doing the same.

 

Nica

You don’t know how I feel.

 

Tyrell

You’re right. Nobody does. The truth is, we are alone. That isolation is the only thing we have in common. But we still have it! All of us, isolated drops of water. The best we can do is save each other in secret, riding side by side in a chaotic current. But if we try together, we might manage the tide.

 

[Pause.]

 

Please. Come with me. Come with us. 

 

[Pause.]

 

Gemma

We’ve got two minutes until the last train rolls through!

 

Nica

We need to take Ernesto too. We need to free Ernesto!

 

[Gemma wrangles with the keys, tries a couple.]

 

Gemma

I don’t have the right key! 

 

Ernesto

It’s okay. Save your friend.

 

Nica

No! 

 

Mallory

Scent Wipe. With me. Hey, buddy, get to the edge of your cell and stay there. Everyone else, back the fuck up.

 

Tyrell

Where is she going? 

 

Gemma

Do you hear that?

 

[Metallic noise approaching.]

 

Nica

They’re coming for us. 

 

[Metallic noise grows closer. Slight rumble. Louder rumble.]

 

Cheese Bots

JAIL BREAK, JAIL BREAK, GRATE THEM, GRATE THEM!

 

[The rumble breaks into a loud concrete and metallic noise as the excavator breaks through the floor again and destroys the cheese bots.]

 

Cheese Bot [powering down]

MAN-CHE-GOOOOoooooo….

 

Mallory

Yeah! We kicked your fucking dairy-ere’s! Scent Wipe, swivel right. Hey, cell buddy, make that corner your new fucking best friend—I don’t want any debris to smack you in your smacker. Everyone back up!

 

[The excavator tears out the cell bars in Ernesto’s cell—more rumble cracking.]

 

Gemma

Jesus, guys. Jesus!

 

Mallory

What? You wanted him free; he’s free.

 

Gemma

The roof caved in by the door.

 

Mallory

Then hop down here—we’ll get out through Epiphany. 

 

Dimitri

What about the cops?

 

Mallory

We take our fucking chances. Come on, jail birds, flap those fucking wings!

 

Narrator—Alexander Danner Peh. Nica might be free from one jail, but she’ll always be inside mine. 

 

DEUS EX RUSTICUS

 

[Door between cars opens.]

 

Ben Affleck—Briggon Snow

Hey, Louisa Alvarez? You better come see this!

 

[They rush through to the back of the train.]

 

Ben Affleck

See, there’s another train gaining on us!

 

Rusty—Jim Johanson [through bullhorn]

My name is Rusty and I’m here to help! Please open your rear door, and we’ll open our front! I’m going to pull right up behind you and match speed! Then you can evacuate from your train to mine!

 

Louisa Alvarez—Julia Propp Oh my god! Open the door!

 

[They open the door. The train behind them pulls up until it gently thumps into the back of their train.]

 

Wendell Jorgenson—Mike Linden

Louisa!

 

Louisa Wendell!

 

Wendell

I’m sorry I missed your call! I was in a tunnel!

 

Louisa

That’s okay! What are you doing here?

 

Wendell

Michael called! He couldn’t catch your train. But he gave me the number of an MBTA driver he said I could trust!

 

Rusty

That’s me! Your trusty neighborhood MBTA driver! But let’s get this evacuation started, okay? 

 

Ben Affleck

Hey everyone, line up! DON’T PUSH. We’ll hold your hands and help you across!

 

Louisa

Come on! You, ma’am, you’re first!

 

Ma’am—Jordan Stillman

Okay…

 

Ben Affleck

Okay, sir, you’re next. Let Matt Damon hold the baby—you step through, then he’ll pass the baby back to you.

 

Sir—Alexander Danner

Please, carefully…

 

Matt Damon—Zach Valenti

I’ll hold him as delicately as I held my first Oscar.

 

Wendell

Louisa, come over!

 

Louisa I have to get Oliver from the front! Once he lets go, you’ll have to go faster until we get back!

 

Rusty

We can’t do that! We’re pushing the limit as it is—any faster, and we’ll derail!

 

Louisa

But…we can’t just leave him.

 

Matt Damon

We’ll get him.

 

Louisa

But…

 

Ben Affleck

You’ve done your part. It’s our job to be the heroes.

 

Louisa Uh, okay, first off, I appreciate the help, but I think a lot of us have been heroes today…

 

Rusty

Even me! Rusty!

 

Wendell

Louisa… please take my hand. I need you to be safe.

 

Louisa Okay.

 

[She crosses over, and falls into his arms.]

 

Wendell

I’ve got you.

 

Louisa Oh… oh, Wendell. I really thought I was going to die.

 

Wendell

You’re safe now. I’m so proud of you…

 

Louisa I love you.

 

[A moment of quiet.]

 

Wendell? I mean it. I really love you.

 

Wendell

l…

 

Louisa

I know. I know you do. You’ve told me so many ways. Right now, I don’t need you to say it. I just need you to hear it. I love you, Wendell Jorgenson.

 

I love you.

 

Ben Affleck

Let’s go, Matt Damon!

 

Matt Damon

Ben Affleck? On this day, we have faced fundamental questions about who we are and what we can offer the world. Either of us could have chosen to be other men. Men like Mark Wahlberg. We are better, braver men than that. Men willing to sacrifice everything for the good of everyone. Except ourselves. We lose our lives so that others may keep their own. And continue them. They will live because we will not.

 

Ben Affleck, my friend. You have earned your cape as the man who played the man who played superman. Someday–perhaps someday soon! Another man will play you, in the cinematic recreation of the story of Ben Affleck: Transit Hero.

 

What actor will prove his mettle before the camera as the man who plays the man who played the man who played Superman? Will that actor be worthy of the role? Will that actor show the same fortitude that you have in taking on the transitive mantle of Superman? I hope that he will. You deserve no less. But you also deserve to see it. 

 

[Matt Damon hugs Ben Affleck.]

 

Ben Affleck

Aww, thanks, buddy, that’s really—hey, not so tight. What are you—?

Matt Damon No longer are we Matt Damon and Matt Damon’s friend Ben Affleck. Today, we are Ben Affleck and Ben Affleck’s friend Matt Damon. I love you, Ben Affleck. It’s time to not be the man who played the man who played Superman. Today you are Superman. Fly! And goodbye.

[Pause.]

ONE MORE, CATCH HIM!

[Matt Damon throws Ben Affleck—Louisa and Wendell catch Ben. The trains screech to a halt, and Ben Affleck calls out—]

 

Ben Affleck MAAATT DAAAMOOOOOOOOOON NOOOOOOOOOoooooo… [fades out.]

 

[Screeching Red Line tires.]

 

[Cut to Oliver.]

 

Leon Stamatis—Braden Lamb/Cheese Bot

Oliver.

 

Oliver West—Mike Linden

I’m channeling as much of your reserve and calm into the system as I can. I’m trying.

 

Leon/Cheese Bot

You did it, Oliver. Almost everyone is off the train. Louisa is off the train.

 

Oliver

I did it?

 

Leon/Cheese Bot

You… PAINTING HANGING OVER THE… you… saved them.

 

Narrator—Alexander Danner [annoyed] Temporarily… 

 

Oliver

Well. That really clinches it then, doesn’t it? I’m a total failure as an evil mastermind.

Narrator [under his breath, barely audible] Failure at everything….

 

Leon/Cheese Bot

Ha! I suppose you are.

 

Oliver

Well… good. I can live with that.

 

Narrator

Not for long.

 

Leon/Cheese Bot

I’m sorry. I don’t see a way to save you. I—I’m trying but I’m—too—UNDER THE EPIPHANY—too all over and—BASEBALL TODAY WITH A DRAMATIC PROTEST AT— 

 

Oliver

Shh. Yes. I expected as much.

 

[Matt Damon barges in.]

 

Matt Damon—Zach Valenti

Hello, I’m Matt Damon and I’m here to save you! What is the plan?

 

Oliver

Well… there is no plan. This bit is the dramatic self-sacrifice, and apparently you’re coming with me. I’m very sorry about that, but it’s just how it goes with these things.

 

Matt Damon

That’s… too bad. I’ve had a lot to say today. I am tired.

 

[Matt Damon falls asleep.] 

 

Oliver

Good lord, is he napping? [Pause.] When is this ride over anyway?

 

Leon/Cheese Bot

Soon—THE NEXT TRAIN TO BRAINTREE STATION IS ARRIVING IN TWO MINUTES—now—

 

Oliver

Well… good. Will I get to see Norbert? After?

 

Leon/Cheese Bot

I don’t know. NEXT STOP… there’s too much… INTERCONTINENTAL RAILROAD… I… I don’t really understand very much of this at all.

Narrator It’s starting. You’ll be nothing but a mess of memories soon. Serves you right for helping. 

 

Oliver

Okay. I feel like I’m supposed to apologize to you. But I don’t suppose it would mean very much.

 

Narrator Nothing you do does…

 

Leon/Cheese Bot

If—SPEAKS WITH ASLAN—sincere? On the contrary. NOW APPROACHING—mean a great deal.

 

Oliver

In that case… I’m sorry.

[Pause.]

 

[Narrating] I really do mean it, don’t I? “I’m sorry.” It’s so rare that I’ve ever said those words without irony or contempt. How many people deserved to hear them?  Philip. Nica Stamatis. Isaiah Powell. Michael Tate. Mallory, that poor girl, who… who I hurt so badly. I’ll never have the opportunity to tell any of them.

 

And… my father. Yes, he failed, so badly, and so often. But he tried as hard as he failed. I don’t think I can say the same. He left to protect me from himself, and… and…

[Pause.]

 

I did the same thing, didn’t I? That’s why I kept myself so far… and still I don’t know if it was the wrong decision.

 

But I’m sorry. So sorry.

 

Leon/Cheese Bot [making an effort to hold himself together]

O-Oliver?

 

Oliver

Yes?

 

Leon/Cheese Bot

I’m proud of you.

 

Oliver [breaking]

No, that’s too much. I don’t deserve…

 

Leon/Cheese Bot

You do today.

 

Oliver [narrating]

Maybe he’s right. Maybe just on this one and only day. I wish Ada…

 

[Everything falls silent. The train continues running but runs out.]

 

Narrator

Well, Leon? Aren’t you going to finish it?

 

[Static.]

 

You have to finish the job. You wanted to narrate. You wanted him to be one of yours. Well, congratulations. You won. So now you have to narrate this.

Leon The—ORANGE LINE BLUE LINE CONNECTION—static is—ONE DAY—too great…

Narrator Poor fool. Let me help clear all that confusion away. For now. 

 

Leon

Go away.

 

Narrator

It’s fine, I’ll wait.

 

[Silence. Then static. Then silence again.]

 

Leon

The train reached Braintree Station without stopping. Without slowing down. The train crashed. The two people still inside it… died.

 

Oliver West is dead.

 

CREDITS

 

Greater Boston is created by Alexander Danner and Jeff Van Dreason, with help from T.H. Ponders, Bob Raymonda, and Jordan Stillman. Recording and Technical Assistance from Marck Harmon.

 

This episode was written by Alexander Danner and Jeff Van Dreason, and sound designed by Alexander Danner. Dialogue editing by Bob Raymonda.

 

Portions of this episode were recorded at The Bridge Sound and Stage, with recording engineers Javier Lom and Alex Alinson.

 

This Episode Featured:

 

• Jordan Higgs as Cheese Bots and Ethan Bespin (he/him)
• Braden Lamb as Leon Stamatis (he/him)
• Lydia Anderson as Gemma Linzer-Coolidge (she/her)
• Alexander Danner as the Narrator
• Julia Propp as Louisa Alvarez (she/her)
• Mike Linden as Oliver West (he/him) and Wendell Jorgenson (he/him)
• Briggon Snow as Ben Affleck (he/him)
• Jessica Washington as Isabelle Powell (she/her)
• Summer Unsinn as Charlotte Linzer-Coolidge (she/her)
• Jordan Cobb as Valiance Johnson (she/her)
• Vinay P. Nariani as Fat Stanley (he/him)
• Mario Da Rosa Jr. as Isaiah Powell (he/him)
• Sam Musher as Emily Bespin (she/her)
• Daisy Guevara as Kavlyn (she/her)
• James Oliva as Michael Tate (he/him)
• Kristen DiMercurio as Nichole Fonzarelli (she/her)
• Jeff Van Dreason as Chuck Octagon (he/him)
• Bonnie Bogovitch as Infernal Machine
• Jeremy Beazlie as Ryan (he/him)
• Bjorn Munson as Corey (he/him)
• James Johnson as Dimitri Stamatis (he/him)
• Johanna Bodnyk as Mallory (she/her)
• Arun Sannuti as Tyrell Fredericks (he/him)
• Kenny Garcia as Bruce Bosley (he/him)
• Felix Trench as Mark Wahlberg (he/him)
• Zach Valenti as Matt Damon (he/him)
• Ray O’Hare as Red Line Guard 1
• Tanja Milojevich as Red Line Guard 2
• Giancarlo Herrera as Ernesto (he/him)
• Kelly McCabe as Nica Stamatis (she/her)
• and Jim Johanson as Rusty
• Additional voices by Alexander Danner, Graham Rowat, and Jordan Stillman.

 

MUSIC

 

• “Charlie on the MTA” recorded by Emily Peterson and Dirk Tiede
• “To Atlantis” by Dave Fernandez
• “Improvisation in D” by Tate Peterson
• Drums by Jim Johanson

 

For news and updates, you can sign up for our newsletter! Link in the show notes!

 

You can support Greater Boston on Patreon at Patreon.com/Greater Boston.

 

Greater Boston is a ThirdSight Media Production

 

COOKIE

 

Mike Linden [singing as Wendell]

Some popular costume themes I offer include classic bellhop, Starfleet officer, beekeeper, or Fiona from Shrek.