Halloween Special: For Your Safety, Stay Inside

[Creepy music plays.]

Narrator—Alexander Danner

Oh, hello. You’re here again, are you? Well, it is Halloween; I suppose I should have expected it. After all, would we really even know it’s Halloween if strangers didn’t come knocking at our doors? It’s all about those intrusive visitors who come calling, invited or not, frightful or not, carnivorous… or not.

Yes, a visit from strangers–or strange things–is “the reason for the season”, as they say.

The question is–will you open your door? Will you step over your own threshold to greet whatever waits there in the dark?

[Pause.]

Well? Will you?? I’m genuinely asking. It would be… useful… information for me to have.

I’ll give you a moment to think about it, shall I? And while you contemplate, let me offer you a little nugget of wisdom that we call:

For Your Safety, Stay Inside.

[Music fades.]

[Red Line train.]

[Harsh terminal station bell sounds continuously. The intercom broadcast alert chimes, followed by the Legion Assistant alert. These repeat on loop as an emergency siren begins wailing continuously.]

[All sounds except the emergency siren cut out.]

[Eerie zither tones play.]

Legion Assistant—Terrell Worrell Jr. 

ATTENTION. ATTENTION. THIS IS AN EMERGENCY BROADCAST. 

RED LINE SERVICE IS SUSPENDED. THERE WILL BE NO STOPS. ALL REGULAR RED LINE BUSINESS IS SUSPENDED. 

REDSIDENTS ARE ADVISED TO STAY INSIDE. REDSIDENTS ARE ADVISED TO BAR THE DOORS TO THEIR RAIL-HOMES. PLEASE USE WHATEVER YOU HAVE AVAILABLE TO BAR THE DOORS. DO NOT OPEN THE DOORS FOR ANYONE. I REPEAT, DO NOT OPEN THE DOORS FOR ANYONE. NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY. NO MATTER HOW THEY APPEAR. 

RED LINE POLICE AND CITY OFFICIALS WILL NOT TRY TO ENTER YOUR HOMES AT THIS TIME. DO NOT ALLOW ANYONE CLAIMING TO BE RED LINE POLICE OR CITY OFFICIALS INTO YOUR RAIL-HOMES.

FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY, KEEP YOUR EYES AVERTED. DO NOT LOOK OUTSIDE. DO NOT LOOK INTO THE TUNNELS. IGNORE ANY MOVEMENT IN THE TUNNELS. COVER THE WINDOWS. DO NOT BE TEMPTED TO LOOK.

IF YOU DO LOOK, PLEASE REPORT ANY VISIBLE METAL RAKING OR MARKS ON THE OUTSIDE OF YOUR RAIL HOME. PLEASE INCLUDE YOUR TRAIN AND CAR NUMBER IN YOUR REPORT. IF YOUR RAIL-HOME IS PUNCTURED IN ANY WAY, PLEASE DO YOUR BEST TO SEAL THE EXPOSURE. LIMITING OUTSIDE EXPOSURE IS RECOMMENDED.

IF YOU DO LOOK, PLEASE REPORT ANY APPEARANCES OF UNCTUOUS GOO. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TOUCH THE UNCTUOUS GOO. PLEASE INCLUDE YOUR TRAIN AND CAR NUMBER IN YOUR REPORT. PLEASE ALSO INCLUDE THE GOO COLOR, IF APPLICABLE.

[High-pitched shrieking.]

IN RESPONSE TO PREVIOUS COMPLAINTS…

[Legion Assistant error chime.]

NO, THERE IS NOTHING THAT CAN BE DONE ABOUT THE NOISE. WE UNDERSTAND THE SCREECHING AND GROANING ARE DIFFICULT TO IGNORE.

[The shrieking is joined by guttural grunts. These continue periodically through the rest of the announcement.]

PLEASE TRY TO IGNORE THE SCREECHING AND GROANING.

[Indecipherable whispering creeps in and continues throughout.]

IF YOU HEAR VOICES, DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM. NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY. NO MATTER HOW THEY PLEAD. NO MATTER WHO THEY SOUND LIKE. NO MATTER IF THEY SCREAM. NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK YOU HEAR. DO NOT LISTEN TO THE VOICES.

RATION DELIVERIES VIA PNEUMATIC TUBE WILL CONTINUE FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE. 

THE TRAINS WILL NOT STOP UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. WE CANNOT STOP. AT THIS TIME, THERE IS SECURITY IN MOVEMENT.

YOUR HEALTH AND CONTINUED SAFETY IS IMPORTANT TO US. WE APPRECIATE YOUR COOPERATION. 

[Alarm sequence from the beginning of the announcement repeats.]

[BEAT.]

ATTENTION. ATTENTION. THIS IS AN EMERGENCY BROADCAST…

[All fade out.]

Narrator

Well, dear listener, which sort would you be? The sort to remain safely ensconced in your home, blinds drawn, doors locked, wrapped in a warm blanket of blissful ignorance?

Or are you the sort to let curiosity get the better of you? Hmm?

Either way, the lesson for us all here is obvious: always listen to your Legion Assistant. Always. If there’s one visitor you should always offer a warm welcome… it’s Legion. We will never lead you astray. I promise.

CREDITS

PRODUCTION

Greater Boston is created by Alexander Danner and Jeff Van Dreason, with support from Amanda McCormack, T. H. Ponders, Bob Raymonda, Jordan Stillman, and Theo Wolf.

This episode was written by Jordan Stillman, with additional dialogue by Alexander Danner. Sound design by Alexander Danner and dialogue editing by Bob Raymonda.

CAST

This episode featured:

• Terrell Worrell Jr. as The Legion Assistant
• and Alexander Danner as the Narrator

Transcripts are available on our website at GreaterBostonShow.com.

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Greater Boston is a ThirdSight Media production.

COOKIE

Alexander

Transcripts are available on our websote…. “Websote.” [Sighs.]