Mini-Episode: Assistant 2

[Charlie on the MTA plays.]

VARIOUS

This is

This is

This is

Greater Boston

[Music fades]

EMILY BESPIN — Sam Musher

First and foremost, you need to understand that this position requires loyalty. Complete loyalty. And commitment. Your contract would be for the entire duration of the campaign, with severe penalties for early termination. No quitting allowed. Try to quit, and I’ll sue you straight to the gutter.

You’ll be handling sensitive material, confidential strategic information vital to the campaign. You’ll be required to sign a non-disclosure agreement, of course, but you shouldn’t even have to, you should know how to keep your mouth shut. That’s just part of the job, and a non-negotiable part of the job.

Second, if I ask your opinion, then, and only then, you are free to give it. Otherwise—keep your mouth shut. No second-guessing, no questioning, just do the things I tell you to do. Know your place and keep to it.

Third, no making goo-goo eyes at my husband. Don’t think I don’t know how women look at him. But believe me, you make any kind of move on him, and I will end you. I mean that literally. Your story will be over. The end. No epilogue but the Jane Doe toe-tag they’ll write for you in the morgue.

Fourth, you’ll be doing all the bullshit work that’s not worth my time. Answering the phones. Making my schedule. Filing, researching, figuring out the stupid bullshit voters care about. Keep me updated, but keep it brief. Don’t waste my time.

Can you handle all that.

NICA STAMATIS — Kelly McCabe

Every bit of it, Mrs. Bespin.

EMILY

You look familiar. Do I know you?

NICA

I used to work for Oliver.

EMILY

I knew I’d seen you before! You’re the bike courier!

NICA

Yeah…I was never actually a bike courier.

EMILY

What the fuck is up with Oliver? I haven’t heard from him in weeks.

NICA

He’s gone.

EMILY

Gone where?

NICA

If I knew that, I wouldn’t be looking for a new job right now.

EMILY

Mind your tone. But I see your point.

NICA

But the important thing is, I’ve already been working for your campaign for months. I already know your confidential information. Hell, I know more of it than you do. So can I keep my mouth shut? Can I do what I’m told without questioning? You wouldn’t be doing as well in the polls as you already are if I couldn’t.

EMILY

I take it you’ve been working for Oliver?

NICA

…

EMILY

Gathering…information?

NICA

If I was, would you really want to know? He’s a person of interest in some rather extreme incidents right now. There are legal consequences for having your suspicions confirmed. And part of an assistant’s responsibilities is insulating her employer against legal consequences.

EMILY

I like your thinking. Why do you want to work for me?

NICA

Because it’s time I finally got what’s mine. And that’s what your campaign is all about, isn’t it? Getting what you deserve. It’s time I stopped working at frivolous purposes and small details. It’s time I got involved in the bigger picture. And your campaign is the biggest picture going right now. I need to be a part of that.

EMILY

Sounds like you’re looking for a role model. Isn’t that right?

NICA

I…hadn’t thought about it that way. But you’re not wrong. There’s a lot I could learn from you.

EMILY

You could learn everything from me. Stick with me, and you’ll learn what it means to be someone who actually matters. And there are so few of us, as you know. You’d better be prepared to pay attention, so you don’t miss a lesson. Maybe someday you can matter too.

NICA

I certainly hope so.

EMILY

Well…Nicole was it?

NICA

Nica.

EMILY

That’s a ridiculous name. Sounds Ethnic.

NICA

Uh…it’s Greek. It’s short for Nicoletta.

EMILY

That’s too much. You should use Nicole. Or Nicky.

NICA

I’m not really…

EMILY

And remember, the job requires following instructions. Without questions.

NICA

…

Okay. Nicole, then.

EMILY

Very good. I like your attitude, but more than that, I appreciate that you’re already legally compromised. That’s an excellent tool for ensuring your loyalty. So just remember, anything goes wonky with my campaign, any hints of shady dealings on my part, and you automatically go down with me. I own you like a sweater, and like a sweater, I can put you in a drawer any time I want.

You start today. Your desk is through that door, you can start getting yourself set up as soon as you walk out of this office. If you have any questions, then you’re obviously not up to the task, so just go home instead of bothering me.

NICA

Deal.

EMILY

Ew, no, don’t try to shake my hand! You’re the help, for god’s sake.

NICA

Right. Of course.

EMILY

And once you’re set up, you can start doing some research. Powell has given us a goldmine with this shutdown stunt. For every loser joining her so-called protest, there are two who just want to get home from work at the end of the day, and this *person* won’t let them. I want ideas on every angle we can take with it. We’re sticking with the economic terrorism line, of course, but we have to do more. Make it more personal. She’s keeping parents from their kids. Keeping workers from their jobs. Keeping sick people from their doctors. Keeping husbands…keeping husbands from getting home to their wives.

Shutting down the trains has got to be illegal. We play this right, and we won’t just take the election—we’ll leave her rotting in a cell with that deadbeat nephew of hers.

NICA

Isaiah.

EMILY

Whatever. Point is, I don’t want to win on election day. I want the entire election to be moot. And you’re going to help me make that happen, aren’t you?

NICA

That’s my job.

EMILY

Yes it is.

CREDITS

ALEXANDER DANNER

Greater Boston is written and produced by Alexander Danner and Jeff Van Dreason, with recording and technical assistance from Marck Harmon.

Content warnings at end of show notes.

We’ve updated our online shop with new items including an official mini-comic tour of the city of Red Line, and three different t-shirts: Braden Lamb’s T-Map art, hippopotomodes, or disillusioned Sasquatch. Find them all through our website at GreaterBostonShow.com.

This episode featured

• Sam Musher as Emily Bespin (she/her)
• and Kelly McCabe as Nica Stamatis (she/her)

Charlie on the MTA recorded by Emily Peterson and Dirk Tiede.

COOKIE

ALEXANDER DANNER

Oh, the furnace.

[Sam Musher laughs.]

JEFF VAN DREASON

[Unintelligible]

ALEXANDER

What’s that?

JEFF

The scene will be on the train.

ALEXANDER

That’s right. The scene’s on the train.

[Sam & Kelly laugh.]

JEFF

Thank god for that train!

KELLY
What a good scene, yeah!

ALEXANDER
Yeah. The train is our salvation in so many places.

KELLY
Oh man. I’m never gonna write anything not on a train.

[laughter]